I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years. -- Anonymous
Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as soul sickness.
Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we've begun recovery. Sometimes there's a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationship, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness.
Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason.
A return to the old feelings doesn't mean were back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we've failed at recovery. They do not mean were in for a long, painful session of feeling badly. They just are there.
The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun.
Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love.
If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work.
Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
~Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as soul sickness~
This describes it so well for me though I didn't realise it could exactly be considered as Codependence too but it does make perfect sense when put in this simple way as all of these traits result in me feeling very needy & put upon by the whole world when I'm feeling down & unworthy. This is the killer illness. The killer of joy & creativity. Thank God recovery teaches me a way out of it. My natural state is to go down & down in fear & self~loathing given half a chance. Whatever innocent idealism I started out with as a child was well eroded a long time ago now & drinking put paid to it. It gave me the false illusion of confidence & I'm glad I'm learning how to cultivate it from the inside out now with that fear aside so that I can have the courage to love others more genuinely without feeling jealous or frightened! I've stunned myself being honest about this now. The truth does set you free. I don't have to be scared any more. That horrible, sickening soul disease. Just for today ~ I have a solution. Thanks for your post, Carol. I hope you're well. You've not opened a thread with a share lately. How are you? Love & Light, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Thanks girls! This honesty thing is crazy and looking at ourselves a little deeper is helpful. What comes to mind is progress, not perfection! I still have days when like danielle, I think , poor me and I get all needy. I get mad when things dont go my way or when people dont respond to my posts or what I have to say in general. But today I can look at it as it is....Its not all about me needing others to approve of me or think Im all that! Its about how I feel about me! Self love is the key!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Thank you for the Post. Some things have come up that I thought I had a handle on. I am a survivor of mental, severe physical abuse, and sexual abuse. At my alcohol out patient rehab I didn't say anything about the sexual abuse, and I have found that I have myself convinced that I was a bad child, and I deserved the beatings. I didn't mention that part either. I thought that stuff was in the past, and I had a handle on it. When all of your stuff piles up, how do you take a break, and turn it off for a day, and rest. I have rehab tonight, and I plan to mention the things I conveniently didn't mention.
sounds good robairto, "we're only as sick as our secrets". When you share that stuff, you're bound to have someone else share that they went through it too. Take care of that little kid that live inside you. "It's never too late to have a happy childhood".
That's beautiful, Dean. I travelled over to MIP's ACA board 'accidently' this morn. Clicked on a link unintentionally & found the opening page. I totally identified with its content & it's becoming more apparent the relevancy of this work for me. It seems good & timely for me to open up to this stuff & get some of that repressed pain & grief out cuz I'm realising it's holding me back. I had denial about it before because I didn't want to admit wholeheartedly to any damage cuz I didn't have the humility to submit & surrender it so that it could work its way out naturally.
I knew I was damaged in my younger years, in my teens & in my 20s but as I got older I simply figured I had to let it all go cuz Big Girls don't cry & those things aren't happening today tho the people I lived with (my family/parents) still exist in my life & still have a lot of the same issues that caused all that shit to happen back in the day anyway. It doesn't happen to me today cuz I'm self~supporting & living out in the big world as my own adult.
My disease would rather have me suffer in silent, reticent, self~pity than to experience the true self~love of releasing & owning emotions before letting them go with forgiveness. Cunning, baffling & powerful, again. Thanks for your continual presence & recovery around this stuff, Dean. It means so much to see a mature, capable, grown & responsible man be candid about his own need & work on this & I'm so inspired & taught by that. Thanks for sharing your ES&H about it. You've helped me loads, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
