Well as some of you know, I've been house shoping for the last 4 months. Home prices have fallen by close to 50% here in some areas, especially waterfront homes. So I've been waiting on this short sale house, that I made and offer on last December. The bank took 9 weeks to decide to accept the offer, which was 4 weeks ago. Now they can't clear the tittle and the house will go into foreclosure, which mean that my deal is dead. Well sounds like a sad story, and it would've been,as I'd spent a lot of time obsessing about it and making plans on modifications and additions, repairs. I actually was going to rent it for 2 years before moving in it.
So the day before I heard the news from the bank, I got an email about another house practically in the same neighborhood that had a $75K reduction in price. I immediatly went over to the house, on sunday, to look at it from the outside. The wife and I were impressed so we called the realtor and he said that it was already under contract. I don't know why but I asked him if he would find us a house. So we traded contact info and I figured it would be a while before he called me. The next day, he calls and says that the contract fell through and asked if we wanted to buy the house? While I was on the phone with him the Banks realtor called and said that the deal on the other house was over. (HP opening and closing doors?) So we met with the realtor and made an offer that's been accepted. Yeah! Well not so fast.
The good news is we will move into this house in 30 days,the bad news is that I'm having some separation anxiety about leaving this home that I've been living in for the last 13 years. A lot of good stuff happened here. My son came to live with me for 5 years, and spent 500 weekends here with us before that. I've built a large addition and remodeled the rest of the house from top to bottom. I've resotored 6 classic muscle cars in the garage, which is home to the last one, my '70 442 convertible. My wife and I have spent almost every morning in our jacuzzi for the last 11 years listening to jazz music and watching the birds on our bird feeders. These are just some of the thoughts that have been whipping through my head, while the house hunting has been going on. I was ok with it, because the other house under contract, we weren't going to move into for 2 years, but now it's 30 days to moving date . It's a roller coaster of emotion that I didn't antisipate.
Here is a little quote that is laid out as the premise for spiritual progress. In AA I say , we got to hands. to grab onto something new, we often have to let go of something old, or something to that effect.
Great lessons in what your up to. I felt called to move maybe 5 or 6 years ago and took quite a browbeating when All I could answer as to why was that I thought God wanted me to.
Took me a year and it was very hard. Perhaps the thirty days will force you to deal with the move afterwards. Take a look at this.
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And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created.From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. .
Your current home sounds like it was truly blessed with love. Thanks for sharing some of your moments there with us. Love how you described the time with your son and the morning jacuzzi. Wow you get to add all that good living to a waterfront view.
And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created.From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. . sounds like good advise for a pack rat. lol. maybe that's my problem, I'm wanting hold on to stuff that I don't need anymore. I even told my wife, as we will be renting our old house till the housing market improves, that if we don't enjoy living in the new house we could always move back.
One the overiding conversations going on in my head is an unvalidating message, telling me that I'm being silly or dumb because I feel sentimental about my old house.
Just think of all the new great memories you will make in your new house!! "The house" is not what makes the home!!!!! Great news and at least it will keep you out of trouble for a while packing things up and painting the new place!!!! heehee
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
thanks lani, I forgot that it's the people that make a place special, and those people are going with me to this new special place. Good news, this house was just remodeled inside and out, so it's in move in condition. But I will have to spend a week getting my current house ready to rent. That's a whole 'nother set of feelings, thinking about strangers living in the addition that nobody but us has before. It's sounds dumb I know, and definitely not low bottom problems, but these kind of feelings left unchecked can lead to misunderstood reactions that tend to sabotage the success or progress of this life changing event. I've got a lot of stuff to do to make this happen and if I bogged down in these feelings it could keep me from doing what I have to do (read become dysfunctional about it). Thanks for letting me share my petty issues here lol.
The beauty of all of this Dean, is you have a house, now a new one and one to rent!!!! Most people dont have that much of a blessing! I love that you shared where your at and I hope it helps you put things more in perspective! Questzals post of acceptance would be a good read for you today.
Nothing "petty" about sharing with us! It helps us too!
Good luck!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I'm so excited & happy for you, Dean! It's said that there's no pockets in a shroud & we can't take anything with us when we go so in life there's times to move on from pebble to post too & take all those wonderful memories with you. It's like you'll have the best of both worlds. You've got the adventure of this new phase in your lifetime & whenever you're snuggled up together making new memories you can pull out a few of the old & give them a nostalgic polishing in celebration of what you've already shared & experienced together. Saying goodbye to an old place always seems rather strange, I've found, like it's not really happening but it is & you'll flow with it too, moment to moment. You've really worked hard for all of this, Dean & it sounds like you've built a beautiful life which as has been said will be true for your new home too. Onwards & upwards, Deano. I'm just so pleased & proud for you. You'll be bringing real quality & class of life into your new pad & what's more, you can share it all with us & let us know how you're settling in & if there's any hiccups. Share all the niggly bits. I love hearing your stuff. Woohooop for Home Sweet Home!!!! Cool, Dean. I'm so made up for you & LadyD :) Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
None of this sounds dumb to me, Dean. None of it. I can completely connect with what you are feeling.
We actually lived in our home for a year before we got the chance to buy it. It was getting ready to go on the market, and we knew we could buy a home, and started looking around. The house we are in had SO many problems, it was almost not even worth the effort or money to start remodeling and repairing stuff. But we made the decision right before it was to go on the market (when the market was still good) to buy it, because the feel of this house is so very important to us, along with the yard for our lovely dog, and the neighborhood in general. Our home has more problems than you could count on both hands, but it is all a labor of love. The house will turn 100 years old in a few years, and I will never find beautiful woodwork like this in a home of the same value.
We have started to build some wonderful memories here. So I understand your being sad about all the love and attention that you put into your current home. But the fact that you are financially able to keep the old house for a few years is a real blessing, Dean. A real blessing indeed!
So, I think when it comes time to start moving in and getting settled, you will still love your old house, but you will also like the new house, and be very excited to be there. I think your feelings on this will shift into excitement, so give it time, my friend. When you start pounding some nails and touching the new house, you will start to form another bond. The new house is lucky to have your family moving in!!!
joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
The sellers are allowing us to move in early, so we've been moving since last weekend! Been doing a little each day and taking it over there. It's a nice transition and I'm 100% committed (emotionally) to moving now after spending a couple eves. in the Florida room looking out at the water . The idea of moving was a lot scarier than it's proving to be. It's funny how unconventional my life has always seemed to be. I've never had some serious deadline to move out/in by the 1st of the month. Talking about that last night with Mrs. Dean, and how much more stressful this would've been if we had to sell our house and move within a time frame. I'm not even renting a truck. What's this got to do with sobriety, you might ask?
As we get sober we have to go about the process of defusing our feelings. We had numbed and stuffed them for so long that we didn't think that we had any, or they didn't come in "real time" but were delayed and showed up days, weeks, even years later. Over time, I had learned to be afraid of my feelings, and my reactions to them, which set me up to be either extremely passive and people pleasing when I should have been taking care of myself, or over reacting explosively to situations that I didn't seem prepared to handle. I remember shortly after my 4th and 5th steps were completed an incident occurred where my 2 year old son had a temperature of 106. As we were driving to the hospital (or Dr. office) my wife and her mother (a RN) were both hysterical about it. I understood that it was not a good situation but I didn't feel anything. I was kinda stupified about it and pondered further asking myself "what happens if he dies, how will I feel", and the answer was "I don't know". Immediately I felt the familiar feeling of Shame come over me, for not feeling badly about my son that lasted for days.
I talked about with my sponsor and he suggested that I pray about it. So I started praying to have my feelings return. I shared about it in meetings and one response I got several times, "be careful what you pray for". Boy were they right, my feelings came back with a vengeance. Hard to describe what that was like but when I came out the other side, I started to have feelings in "real time" instead of delayed by days or years. Today I'm not afraid of my feelings and I allow myself time and space to experience them with the caveat that my first and greatest Sponsor told me "Feelings Are Not Facts!"
. It's a roller coaster of emotion that I didn't antisipate.
. The idea of moving was a lot scarier than it's proving to be. It's funny how unconventional my life has always seemed to be. I've never had some serious deadline to move out/in by the 1st of the month. Talking about that last night with Mrs. Dean, and how much more stressful this would've been if we had to sell our house and move within a time frame. I'm not even renting a truck. What's this got to do with sobriety, you might ask?