Too many items to mention, as I am deeply ashamed of all of it. I had to lose it all, and hit rock bottom. And when I thought I had resurfaced after hitting rock bottom, God took me back down, to open my eyes. Here it is in short form.
On Jan. 26 my wife left me. I came back home from an out of town trip, to find her and my son gone, house was stripped. Missed a couple of days of work, and went back the following Wednesday. Came home to find a message that a childhood friend was finally successful in committing suicide. On the Sunday after that, I woke to find many messages on my answering machine for me to call the hospital, to my call my estranged wife's family, to call about 5 different people.....
I made a call only to find out my best friend ( who was with me on the aforementioned weekend trip) had passed away during the night from a heart attack. He was my best friend and only 43 years old.
I wrote a poem for him, and I read it at his funeral. Life changing events, but I still continued drinking. My employer sent me to a psychiatrist, and I was successful in starting to rebuild my life, or so I thought.
As I resurfaced, I happened to see my ex-father in law in town one day, and the look on his face said it all. There was no look, and I felt as if he stared right through me. Didn't really see it then, but awoke last Thursday thinking about. It was only then that I realized I had been discarded. That two second look was rewarded with a 1 way ticket to rock bottom.
I enrolled with a community withdrawal program, was registered, and go to have my assessment done this coming Sunday. My first meeting with A.A. is this Saturday.
Anyone willing to be friends with someone like me ? I'll understand if no one wants to. I know nobody
Scott
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I'm proud to say I am an Alcoholic, and my name is Scott.
If the plan for me is divinely inspired, no man shall find fault with where I am today, or how I got here.
Many of us have been through similar, or through other (as bad or worse), situations. Many of us here were brought to prison, to total social ostracism, and have lost friends, spouses, and family because of our old friend alcohol.
Welcome to the MIP(Miracles In Progress) board. Please read and share as much as you wish.
Each of us has our own story. For most of us here today, the end of the story is HOPE through our membership in the program.
-My name is Dan, and I am an alcoholic from the Dakotas.
what no bankruptcies, trips to jail, and you still have your job and a place to live? and you call that a Story? Just kidding. Hey that is a pretty average story for one of us to tell really. There is no shame in having the disease of alcoholism. You'll learn that these experiences are positive, in that they represent learning and growth experiences. Welcome Scott, thank you for telling you story it will keep me sober today. That's how it works. Good luck in your new journey, one day at a time.
Welcome Scott! Glad to have you a part of our funny, crazy, loving MIP family! Yea, we all have a story but the past is the past and we move on! Sorry about all of your loses! Most of the time the biggest loss is ourselves! May you have the courage and stength and DESIRE, to get YOU back! Then you can work on the rest! We"ll love you till you love yourself again!!!! Have a great day! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I'm so glad you are here. I would be honored to be your friend. When I showed up here a month ago, newly sober and weighed down with shame, guilt, self-loathing, etc., I was astounded that anyone would read my post, let alone respond. I thought I was the scum of the earth, morally deficient, weak, you name it. Here, and in the rooms of AA, I have been greeted with genuine love, support, and understanding. And I think I am beginning to understand why: these folks really have been where you are, and where I was just a few weeks ago, and they, too, found love and acceptance here. It is a wonderful community of people who have suffered profoundly, lost so much, and somehow found the courage together to get well and help others. I hope that you will post here often (and don't be shy -- you'll see that I've posted a ton, and I haven't been banned from the site YET!) and go to a lot of meetings. I have tried to be brutally honest with myself and with others, and to share all of the scary, painful stuff that runs through my head, because I don't want to drink. I don't want go any lower, I don't want to lose any more. It is no exaggeration to say that my life depends on this.
If you stick around here and go to meetings, I am confident you will find the same outpouring of support that I have found.
welcome scott as you hang around AA you'll hear many stories some people went through less but you'll hear stories that are much worse as well . thanks for sharing and keep coming back
Bryan
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Thank you all for the warm welcome. The hard part is the alone time, and that was usually when I fell down. There is only so much support and encouragement I can get from my dog, as we are the only two left in the house.
I have to have the tools and foundation of my being, in place and solid, if and when my son calls for me. If only I could have understood what my wife was telling me, and read the writing on the wall........
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I'm proud to say I am an Alcoholic, and my name is Scott.
If the plan for me is divinely inspired, no man shall find fault with where I am today, or how I got here.
Welcome to MIP. I do hope that you'll stay around and post often.
I'm glad that you are going to your first meeting. But, could you find one that isn't as far off as Saturday? I ask this because, for me, I need to get to regular meetings to maintain my sobriety. I get so much help and support and strength from my meetings and I love them.
Thanks for sharing your story with us all.
Please keep posting and letting us all know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
My beginning of sobriety also included a permanent separation from my wife, and visitation of my 2 yo son. I didn't have an animal (wanted one) because I didn't think that I could care for one at that time. Meetings cure loneliness. It's ackward at first, but it gets easier. I started to really enjoy my second bachelorhood after about 3-6 months. There is life after alcohol, and divorce, and life is good.
Thanks for sharing with us. You are not alone - far from it. There are millions of us in the program. We all suffer from some form of the disease of addiction. Make no mistake it is a disease, that left untreated will continue it's path of destruction until it reaches it's one and only final destination.
Many of us have also lost everything, many of us have done horrible things to people that who's only fault was loving us when we could not love ourselves, many of us have found ourselves in jails, in institutions. homeless or alone in our homes wondering what the F*^k happened.
It is usually at that rock bottom point where many of us have decided that there's a problem and have turned to the AA program for help.
The program has helped millions of us accept that we do have a problem. The program has helped millions of us become loving caring people that other people love and want to be around. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF US.
The key is to STOP drinking. If you think you've had enough just don't drink right now, one day at a time. You're body and senses will return to you. The program and the 12 steps will guide you through the changes you have to make. Go to meetings and then go to some more meetings and then go to some more. Staying sober has to be the most important thing in your life otherwise you're not ready and there's still some rock bottom with your name on it.
I was completely out of control on drugs and alcohol, non-stop for 25 years of my life. I lost everything, cars, homes, jobs, wives, family, everyone that ever loved me, buried way too many friends that were lost to drug over doses, alcohol poisoning, suicide and drunk driving. I've hit bottoms that at the time I thought couldn't get any worse but I kept drinking and using. It was total insanity - doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. I was just waiting to be next.
Somehow I stopped drinking and using and I didn't blow up. I went to meetings non stop. I had to. My rule of thumb was since I was using all the time I had to put in the same effort to go to meetings. Aside for a quick relapse after my second day I have been clean and sober since 92.
Like the name of this group, I am truly a Miracle In Progress and guess what Scott, I have never been alone in these rooms. There's millions of us
I am so glad that u found AA and MIP. They say rock bottom for different people is not the same, but as u might have gathered from the replies, all of us had a a slice of it.Some decided early, some took some time to accept that drinking was a problem in the whole picture. The key is acceptance and making as much meetings as u can.
I have myself gone through some worse moments in life when I couldn't think what could be there for me next. I have felt utterly wasted, despondent,alone, worthless.AA has helped me regain some of the confidence back and now, I am able to see a lot of the 'same things' in a different light.Scott, I never believed this program could work for me until I myself' experienced' it.And for that experience u need to stay away from that one drink and just live simple @one day at a time.And I have made two golden rules for myself along with it- one, I wouldn't look back into my past and feel bad about what happened then', and two, 'In my present- the today which I have, I wouldn't try controlling circumstances which aren't in my control'- if I encounter a breach of either of the two rules by myself, I will simply shrug my shoulders, and with that, get 'back into life with a double determination' and, as Dean says, 'Fake it till u Make it'..
Keep coming back and sharing. Take Care-A whole community is out there with u. Nisha
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
Welcome to MIP, Mister.. Thankyou for your sharing. Your story has touched me & my heart is with you. We're all here to share with each other our ups & downs in a non~judgemental though perhaps sometimes a tough~loving way where we do our utmost to see our own part in our situations & from that regain our power to change. Right now is a painful time. Not simply for your losses but becuase of that profound self~loathing also. This is where we can help each other. We can offer each other support to nurse our hearts & minds back to health to regain care for ourselves & making that first all important step of staying away from the first drink 1Day@aTime. You can do this. I've got great hope & compassion for you & your life can start over even from your rock~bottom. You don't have to go any lower. Your rockiest bottom can be as simple as when you've said *Enough*. You can do this. It's taken great courage for you to come here & share your truths already & this you can build on. Like we have. Like I have. With all the help I've had in AA. I found the Fellowship & so have you. Welcome to MIP. You're a Miracle in the making too. Come back often, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
