Would u guys believe it? after all these day's hard work and trouble, and strength, today I almost slipped.And when? after actually attending the meeting which I didn't feel like attending and went there on call of a fellow member because there was an alcoholic from nearby town whom had 'come down' to check AA out.And because the member felt the new one could use a bigger group,(and perhaps also because he wanted to ensure that I attend, I missed last thursday). I went to the meeting and when I heard the new one speak, it was almost me talking.And I even told him that initially its hard, and then it dawns on u, and u will get ur call, if u keep coming to meetings......I even shared in the meeting that I am sobre since 22nd February, but I shouldn't let the comfort level sink in, 'coz I may slip...
I went back home, alreday very exhausted from a 10 hours straight on job stint, I got upset over something at home, and just picked up the bottle, poured myself a drink.felt very angry at that.threw it in the drain and after musing for some moments I decided to post on this forum.So what eactlyw ent wrong today: 1. I have not been getting enough sleep since 3 days. 2. I have over-worked, my team members are on sudden sick leaves, and I am doing the job of 3. 3.Stress level has increased liek anything. 4.I didn't eat well today. 5.I accepted lift from a fellow member with whom I have already felt uneasy-a lot of negative energy- man- woman kind of vibes- iam not equipped to handle a relation at this point!!! 6.I didn't vent out yesterday and today till now at the forum... 7.I let my peace of mind go.....
I needed to come here, rt now,I need my peace of mind back.Now that I have eaten, I will go to bed.Tommorow will be a new day, and it will be ok, My higher power will look over me.
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
Nisha, Glad you took a second look at what you were doing!
Theres a saying or word I should say: HALT Hungry Angry Lonely Tired........ When we get to that point we really need to beware!
Not much help from me at the moment.. Worked 15 hours, and Im hungry! Slept about 4 hours to wake up to my husband 's car needing a new belt! Now! And hes due to work in an hour! (thank god he can fix it!) Hopefully!
Lonely.....The only thing Im missing right now are my dreams...Going back to bed for a bit!
Glad you didnt drink! Get on your knees and thank your HP and tomorrow will be a better day!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I've been told that whenever I didn't think I needed a meeting that was when I usually needed one the most. I found that to be very true in my first year of sobriety. A rule of thumb that I used during those times was that because I was a full time alcoholic and drug addict I should put in the same amount of time in staying clean and sober. For me, I had to work my program 24/7. Each day I got was a miracle. I used full time for 25 years. Loaded day and night on alcohol and drugs. I was so drunk during my first wedding, that the only thing that kept me from passing out was knowing there were drugs in my pocket. Today I'm amazed I didn't do them right there and then in the church. A trail of heartbreak, loss and chaos was all that was left after all those dark years.
For me I had to change everything and accept that my entire way of thinking was wrong. All I knew was how to stay loaded. That was my job. So in the beginning I literally had no idea what to do with myself, none. People in the program helped me from dwelling on what I couldn't do and gave me things to do, small simple things like making coffee for the meetings, setting the room with literature and chairs, picking up people from Detox and of course cleaning up afterwards. These chores were wonderful blessings that helped me feel like I was contributing, becoming part of something. I did this at as many places as they'd let me, at breakfast meetings, lunch ones, step meetings before the regular meetings and anytime I wasn't at a meeting, I was hanging out with other alcoholics and drug addicts that wanted it as bad as I did.
I often feel blessed that I had lost so much because everything that I eventually did get, I had the wonderful knowledge that I had earned it and it was truly mine.
I can only suggest as Lani did, apply yourself to making sure you're healthy and rested so you can heal. And as my sponsor told me, "make the coffee, you'll be okay".
Hello Nisha, glad that you didn't drink. I guess there is others in your home that drink? It's not a good Idea to have alcohol in the home, during early sobreity (or at all for that matter). any chance that you could ask the other adults that you live with to not keep alcohol in the home for awhile to help to stay sober? In the first year, if I knew that there was booze in the house, it would keep me up at night thinking about it. These days it's pie, cake, ice cream etc... I just can't keep it in the house of I'll sleep walk and eat it all lol
My thoughts exactly. You have alcohol in your house???? I am glad you did not drink, but I think you better find away to get away from the poison. Like they say if you continue to handle snakes eventually you are going to to get bit.
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Don't wait for your ship to come in... Swim out to it!
Glad you made it one more day Nisha. Things should start getting better soon. :) I'm a bit concerned over a few things. One of them is this constant guy thing. You are right to steer clear. We recomend a year without emotional entanglements. Thats not a hard line but I experimented a bit before that and everytime I went on a date I wanted to drink. After I worked through most of my steps I was able to date comfortably. Thats just my experience though. I had some extra stuff to work through first I guess.
That story you heard is good. You should be trying to learn everything about the first step and how it applies to you right now. When I was reading the stories in the back of the Big Book and listening to others stories at meetings.
I tried to look for where I was similar instead of different. To have any chance at staying sober, we must be convinced at a very deep level that we are alcoholics also. It has to go deeper than just the in our head. We have to fully realize that we are a bit different, that we have disease thats sets us a bit apart with regards to alcohol. Listening and reading stories helps a lot. The uncomfortable feeling could have been that guy, it could also have been the truth of your alcoholism settling in.
Another thing I did was look in the indexes of all the AAbooks for first step, powerlessness, disease and other topics regarding first step. When they ask for a topic in a meeting, you can ask for them to discuss the first step also..
As far as work goes, you can only do what you can do. You can't do three peoples work. Say the serenity prayer, ask God for help but ask at work for help also. You can also ask your boss for direction. You could explain politely that you can't do it all but maybe if he or she helps you do whats most important first that things might be a bit better. If you don't know how to ask for help, ask God to guide you. God can help you there also.
It must be very challenging to live at home with another member of the family being an alcoholic who refuses to accept even step one. I realize that there are probably few other options (or none), but, if you do reach the point that living there is threatening your sobriety, is there any place (like a friend or relative's home) you can go, even temporarily (for a few days)?
Praying that you are visited daily with tranquility from the higher force at work in the universe, (whether we call it God or Om, or just 'higher power').
I read thru all of the responses and have so much to understand and reflect on...I am still very tired.Yesterday night I almost passed out in tiredness and then at 3.15 am woke up to realise that I forgot to take my pill.dunno what was gng on in my mind, but I got up, popped the pill, and went back to sleep.felta little dazy in teh morning when I finally woke up.Knowing that I have a packed day ahead, kept pumping myself with caffeine, and MIP redaings to keep going.Good thing I did was called up my boss and asked him to help in any possible way.So, a colleague who had called sick, came in to help for a few hours....It did help soothe my nerves a bit, and ofcourse, take some tiny load away.
I have no option to turn away from my family.This is the place I need to be in, I made that choice.And I can't desert my mother and sister with that sitaution.Now that Iam getting better, its not just a moral support they get, but also with some company.My mom needs it.And financially also I cannot afford to mainatin a place of my own.No relatives to help- I was morally abandoned for my deviance long time back!!
Strange thing, but perhaps its a blessing that I completely detest what my dad drinks.I have never felt like taking any of his booze.So teh culprit was the bottle which I left over from last drinking days(which I carried all the way to Pune, didn't drink there, but brought it back-didn't throw it away-can u believe this?)But, yes, my dad's drinking induced behavior gives out a lot of negative energy and I feel strained.
I am still at work now.will push off.Again very tired. will go home, eat,and hit the bed.My higher power has taken care of me today and will look over me when I sleep. Love u all.
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
caffeine increases stress? I didn't know dat. Infact I have been freely using it to keep my stamina high.Dean, I am also hogging sometimes on ice-cream and chocolates, u think those are ok? what could be the best diet to have during these early days of recovery?
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
new day, and it will be ok, My higher power will look over me.
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