Hey Hasan!! welcome our freind!! To a whole new ball game.:)

I remember the fear, and uncertainty. The looking around the corners to see if anyone was looking as I entered.

Taking a freind to an open meeting for support? Go for it!!

What to expect.? Kind, loving, understanding people--all helping each other, sharing and caring, and all learning to live one day at a time witthout alcohol.

You will be met with open arms. You extend your hand halfway-and you will receive more hands than you ever thought possible saying to you, Join us. We will not criticize you, we will not judge you---you reach out. You will receive nothing, absolutely nothing, but love and support in return.

Walk through the fear, with your head high. You will never regret it. All the best to you. Share with us, as we hold you in our arms, on this board, and truck onward!! Sober. Phil

 I am pretty shy around people,,, especially groups,,, so I was nervous at looking at the door of my first meeting. I went in and sat down, trying to be very inconspicuous, probably sat in the back. I looked around at all the people and noticed that most of them looked pretty normal. I had seen some of them before in various settings. I was all ears as the meeting opened, the topic introduced, or speaker, and then the shares. The leader asked about new people and I don't remember if I raised my hand or not. but I remember the shares and how much I could relate to the stories, and how very profound the little pearls of wisdom that were all through everything. I didn't bond with the people, but I drank up the program stuff,,,  got some literature to read at home,,, and felt like I was at last in a place that could really help me. I have kept on coming back since then. We don't have to start out with full involvement,,,,  people ask if it is anybody's first time cuz we understand how the first time is. How it is to take that first Step through the doors and into these rooms.  If you are not comfortable with that particular group after attending a few times,,  try looking for another group. I have a favorite group meeting, and there is one that I just choose not to attend.  You will find a mix of attitudes and "vibes", from serene old-timers to anxious and angry people who don't get it yet. Take what you need and leave the rest. I am sooo glad I took that first Step.

amanda

Hi Hassan,

I didn't have the same sense of humour that has developed since walking through the door for my first time five years ago, so everything was pretty overwhelming for me - to be honest. I have no idea what topic or step they were sharing on. I resented them showcasing me, by asking me to identify (which means introduce myself... but I didn't know that!) and I sat in my seat absolutely freaking out! The guy next to me recognised my panic, and spoke for me saying "No, she's right." I thought who the hell are you??? Not an iota of gratitude in my attitude, I'm afraid. That's the truth. I was struggling with myself, possibly like no other time in my life...

I went through a myriad of emotions... and I was having trouble keeping a handle on them. Snapping when people offered me a coffee, crying because someone looked at me with what I felt was pity etc. and not one of them said anything negative about my reactions. People were standing up and admitting to things I had never considered verbalising... things I thought I could never admit to, and had stuffed down inside myself so far, that I literally shook when I heard others saying they had done them too. I was scared of being seen or recognised too, and spent the whole time ducking about behind the guy in front of me, wishing the seat would just swallow me. Little bits of everyone's story meant something to me, and in telling me the horrors of their drinking lives - I knew I had to be there at AA, and that the answers were suddenly available... just wasn't ready to say it aloud! lol.

I had a new friend there (another member) who was keeping a watchful eye on me from what seemed like a mile away, and she kept nodding at me. I had no idea what she was nodding at - I just nodded back and hung onto my seat and my coffee for dear life. Just when I thought there was no other emotion for me to experience... this guy gets up and starts rambling on about how good it was to wake up (at that stage, I was unaware he'd spent several months in a coma) and I'm thinking (in all my self-righteousness) who is this lunatic??? Then he claps his hands together and says he feels like singing! So he does... he breaks into some ditty... yellow submarine or something bouncy like that... and I just start laughing! My hands are clenched, my face is wet, and I'm laughing my head off. People started joining in and I'm just looking around.. thinking what the... I don't remember much of what was said at that meeting - but I left thinking if that guy has something to actually sing about today, then I want to be able to sing too.

At the end of the meeting I was approached by someone, who apparently (I was too caught up in myself to actually notice this) made a bee line for me. My new friend quickly intervened and steered me away quite firmly. She then explained to me that, AA is not some island that exists apart from the rest of the world. There are scumbags in AA, just as there are many beautiful and loving souls. That's a reality. Not everyone is there to stay sober and just trying to do the best with what we have. Genuine members are easily identifiable - not simply by their time, but by their willingness to go beyond the basics. They give what they have, and don't need to take because they are already meeting their own needs. She felt it was important I did not slip into some sort of fairytale solution. I remain grateful for that guidance today. It helps me discern in all areas of my life.

There is no meeting that unravels in exactly the same way (depite whatever formats folk try to devise)... just as there are so many different and wonderful people in this world. I have learned to expect the unexpected, and it is possibly one of my better perspectives. Amanda gave good advice, I think, when she suggested trying a couple of different ones. We are all there because we want to change things, so the environment tends to change a lot too. It's good to visit different groups, hear different perspectives and meet different people, i think.

As you get to know people there will be folks, you may decide you don't need to know or simply don't want to know. That's okay. There are also really nice people there and friendship takes on a whole new dimension when you actually get to experience it. We're not there for a social life though - we're there to get sober. If you make a heap of new friends along the way, then that is just one of many wonderful bonuses, that come along with being sober, I figure. When we remember why we are there, it is all easier to negotiate, I think.

Before I took my seat, my friend said to me - "If you feel uncomfortable, just say over and over I want to stop drinking, until you feel better." Maybe that's why I didn't hear much? lol.

Just do it Hassan! Hopefully you will take it all in your stride a bit better than I did. Maybe just make 'sharing' your first goal. We have taken so much from others while we've been drinking, that giving a little back makes us feel so much better. The relief is incredible. If it takes 3 months (like it did for me) then that doesn't matter, just keep going until you can stand and say I am me and I want to stop drinking. I look forward to hearing how you felt, and your response. Don't forget to let us know. We will all be thinking of you and wishing you well.

All the best,

Nic