I went to a meeting this morning -- my first one. I started crying the minute I walked in so folks could tell I was new. Everyone was hugging me and introducing themselves. It was overwhelming -- comforting, scary, strange. I didn't say a word but I listened. It was a beginner's group, but even the really new people seemed to have a lot on the ball -- they talked about relying on a higher power to get through difficult situations in life (and not just trying not to drink). I had a hard time relating to them. It's all I can do to get dressed and drive (I had to look up the address about five times because I kept forgetting it and lost the paper where I wrote it down). But it was comforting, too. One woman gave me her number. I made a mental note that I wasn't going to call her and bug her, but then I was grocery shopping a few hours later and found myself in my favorite aisle -- wine. I called her. She stayed on the phone with me as I left that aisle then ran to the checkout. I ran. I had to get out. I was sweating and almost crying. But I made it. So far, I'm still here. Thanks to all of you for the kind words of encouragement. You all give me hope.
Well J, you did it and you survived! Didnt even have to get naked!!!! Good job making that phone call. People really DO understand and that alone is comforting to me. Give it all a chance. Hit some more meetings. I felt like people were talking a different language when I came in! (I have only 4 months!) Now, Im like, ooohh I get it. Still lots to learn and it never ends! It wont be easy at first but then I promise it really does get easier...Easier to NOT drink, to walk in a meeting, make phone calls and most importantly, start feeling good about YOU!!!!
Believe me we were all were kicking and crying, so again, youre not alone!!! Lani
-- Edited by lani at 16:04, 2008-02-23
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
wow! you went to a meeting, got a phone number and called someone (when your were about to drink) all in the same day? It took me almost 2 years to do that. btw, there might be a grocery store nearby that doesn't sell wine (healthfood maybe) . It took me a long time to not got directly to the beer isle when I went to stores. I'd just be daydreaming as I walked into the store, next thing you know I'm staring at the beer cooler in a daze. Then I come to and I'm thinking wtf am I doing here. It takes time to unlearn that automatic behavior. Hang in there it's gets better. What's traumatizing you now will be laughable in a few months when you hear a speaker talk about it. It'll go like..."so I lost my marriage, my job, my house, my mind, my left leg, went backrupt, and found out my only son was gay all in 6 months time" and the room erupts with laughter . "Don't worry about the small stuff, It's all small stuff"
OMG jc, that's fantastic! And calling that woman while in the wine aisle, that is exemplary to say the least. I gotta tell you, I don't think I could have done that so early in recovery. You ought to be proud of that one and keep that experience handy, for yourself and for others that get into that situation. We all need to hear stuff like that, it is helpful. You give us hope too...good on ya!!!
Scott
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
".....and keep that experience handy......" "You give us hope too....." My sentiments as well. Remember that even someone in the program for a long time still fights the disease on a daily basis. They go for long periods of time and BAM the urge is there. They have to quickly remind themselves all they have learned and why it is better to keep sobriety than fall off the wagon. I must say you did extremely well given the situation. Prayers and hugs for continued success. Wanda
Thanks everyone. You all are so amazing. It is humbling. As for calling as I did, I called out of pure desperation. I just keep thinking of all of the things that I am desperate to leave behind: 1) driving WHILE drinking, not just after drinking; 2) drinking while hiding in my closet; 3) going to a church function after drinking; 4) almost passing out while giving my kids a bath; 5) drinking at work; 6) constantly lying to my husband; and, last but not least, 7) generally feeling like crap most of the time. So I don't think I'm brave. I'm terrified. And I'm so grateful that I'm trying to stop this madness now, before I lose my husband, my kids, my job, myself. Before I stopped (all of 3 days ago), I had no idea how bad off I was. With only a few days, I can see that I was on a mission of self destruction that was going downhill fast. Today's experience was so scary. The desire, the impulse was so powerful. I wanted to grab a bottle, leave my kids in the carriage, and go hide behind the banana display to chug it down. Crazy.
Another small victory: we went to our relatives' house last night for dinner (they don't drink). This morning, I remembered everything that happened, and I didn't have that sinking feeling that I said/did something foolish.
You all rock. As long as you'll keep listening, I'll keep posting. I need this!
jc so good to hear how things are going for you. you are amazing, keep it up. as everyone says, i must agree your bravery, your willingness, encourages us. thats how this fellowship works, we all need each other, hugs,
using the phone as a life line has always been one of the best tools of this program for me. i would call and say "i'm going to drink it now" and the voice on the other end would, say, "wait, lets talk about it first"
and as we would talk, i would start feeling calmer, and came to see that it wasn't the drink i really wanted, what i really wanted, was the pain to end and my drink was my medication, such an un-healthy choice, but at the time that's what i was using. getting sober has helped me to see WHY i wanted to drink in the first place.
Well done on going to your first meeting and using the telephone!!! That is terrific. It took me a long time before I could use the telephone. But I now know that it is such a useful tool in recovery. We need never feel alone again.
My first meeting was scary but I soon realized that everyone was so nice and wanted to help me to find a solution to my alcoholism. In a short space of time I had meetings built in to my life and I looked forward to them. Just keep going to meetings and it really will start to get so much better for you quite quickly. It's amazing, but it does happen.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
When you said "I had no idea how bad off I was" I found it truly inspirational. In my days of madness and insanity, it never even dawned on me that perhaps I might have something to do with the chaos that was in my life. Kept blaming everyone else, felt I was cursed because all the crazy people kept finding me.
It wasn't until much, much later that I realized, was I not only part of the crazy, but that the gifts given me, were being channeled into keeping things crazy. The great jobs that usually became a contest of what happened first, being fired or quitting. This was my life for so many years, throwing away the good and keeping the bad. Yup I kept the crazy real close.
Today I enjoy sobriety and peace. Today with the love my higher power generously blesses me with, and the tools of this program, I no longer do to myself what I would never even think of doing to my worst enemy.
One my favorite tools is to continue to take a personal inventory and when wrong, promptly admit it. Because even though I have over 15 years of sobriety there's still a very healthy, crazy alcoholic inside of me waiting for me to forget "I had no idea how bad off I was".
Thanks for being here today. It's made a difference to me
Welcome to MIP.. 08, 63 & 02.. Safety in numbers, hey ;D lol Thank God you're all here. I'm really glad. JC your actions in your moment of need were extroadinary. That's so courageous of you to reach out when you so especially needed to. I've been following your story & I'm so proud of you. Thanks for sharing your experience, strength & hope with us & 3days sober. That's Awesome! Keep on posting, lady. I know I can speak for everyone here when I say you're doing amazingly. Well done for making it to a meeting & claiming on your desire not to drink. It's one of the most powerful tools we have, in the beginning. Soon, you'll have a whole armoury of defences against that first drink. Keep on keeping on. You're a great example. Good luck for your next 24 & those thereafter 1Day@aTime :) To 02.. Thanks for all your posts. I've really enjoyed them. I hope you like MIP as much as we like being here too! & 63 ~ Mark :) Thanks for joining us. I hope to hear more of your story soon too. All of you.. Welcome to MIP! Much love in recovery & fellowship, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
btw, there might be a grocery store nearby that doesn't sell wine (healthfood maybe) 
. It took me a long time to not got directly to the beer isle when I went to stores. I'd just be daydreaming as I walked into the store, next thing you know I'm staring at the beer cooler in a daze. Then I come to and I'm thinking wtf am I doing here. 
