So they say admitting your weakness is the first step in getting help. I've never considered myself an alcoholic, I just thought I needed to find my "limit" and stay in control of that. Well that never seems to work. I've been reading and find that i'm probably a binge drinker and I guess that makes me a alcoholic. I always thought an alcoholic was someone who drank everyday, not true huh?!
This is my typical situation: I only drink a few times a month usually go out one night on the weekend. When i go out I conciously think that i need to take it slow and not drink so much but that never sticks. I'll be drinking and than shots start flowing and before i know it i'm way over the edge. I blackout everytime i go out drinking. I thought ,growing up as I was younger, that everyone blacked out when they drank and was suprised to hear some people say they never have. WOW, whats wrong with me why do i blackout everytime. Scary!! Everyone i party with says there is a transformation when i drink. I take my job serious and work hard and most people that see me at work think i'm serious, professional and maybe evern stuck up. Than when i go out I let loose and when i cross that line of drunkness I turn into a different person. I'm a huge flirt, very outgoing and crazy and doing things a lady who is married and has a little girl should not be doing. I often wake up thinking Oh Shit what did i do. Than the shame and guilt set in, oer the next few days I hear stories of what i did and I think ...Damn that's not me or why?? The person I am when i'm drunk is not the person i want to be and deff not the person i want to be portrayed as. I have a hard time going out and not drinking, I associate fun with drinking because it gives me a chance to relax and let loose. I would say for sure that all the problems i'm having with my marriage is from my drinking, I just never wanted to admit it before. I consider myself a strong woman and admitting that weakness would make me weak. I also think that if i don't watch it, that my drinking is going to severly affect my job. Since most of the people i drink with are those i work with and that gives me a bad rep.
So does anyone have any advice?? can relate?? I'm thinking about going to a AA meeting tomorrow night but am kind of nervous and unsure. Any help would be very much appreciated!!
Hi Angela. I'm Jennifer and I am an alcoholic..... You asked if anyone can 'relate' - Absolutely. You just told MY story almost to the T. I, too, was binge drinker. Something I recently found out - bingeing is the hardest to overcome b/c our minds and bodies are used to going for periods of time without alcohol. i.e. questioning wether I was an alcoholic or not. One thing I've learned, if I wasn't a drunk I wouldn't be wondering about it and I certainly wouldn't be even considering AA meetings... I too considered drinking fun. In hindsight, what's fun about blacking out? What's fun about the shame, guilt, etc I felt the next day? What's fun about hangovers?
Alcoholism is not about what we drink, how often we drink or even how much we drink, it's about how it affects us.... Alcoholism is a physical, mental and spiritual illness.
Check out the Big Big Of Alcoholics Anonymous. It might help you.
Thanks so much for sharing.
http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/
-- Edited by Doll at 18:59, 2008-02-18
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
You are definitely not alone here. I hope this site gives you some insight and encouragement as well. Our stories here may not all be identical, but one thing runs equally: We all drank way too much, way too often, and when took a drink, we could not GUARANTEE what the outcome would be, or when we would stop. These are the things that set us apart from "social drinkers". Social drinkers who do not have a problem can typically, and without fail pretty much, say "I am going to have 2 drinks", and do just that, every time, and without the losses and problems that alcohol causes us.
What I have that sets me apart from others in this manner, is a phenomenon of craving and a mental obsession. I cannot just have one, because I physically crave more once I have drank one. When I am not drinking, I think about drinking, and I tend to plan out how, where when, and how I am going to HANDLE the next drinking excursion, and I obsess and worry about how I am going to "do it differently" next time. That is what makes me an alcoholic.
I am a very bright person who had decent jobs for many years, on and off, and although I thought no one lese knew I had a problem, unfortunately for me I later found out that I was the "last to know". That is why alcoholism is so dangerous. It tells us we are "FINE" and that we don't have a problem. It will tell us that until we have lost everything, even our lives. The guy drinking from a paper bag under the bridge has a mind that tells him the same thing that my alcoholic mind tells me. "I'll stop tomorrow.... it'll be okay... a drink will help me cope with this". I now know that non-alcoholic people do not think this way. This is the hallmark of my illness. "Stinking Thinking". I keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. This is AA's definition of insanity. And the "different results" part never materialzes.
There is hope for alcoholics through AA. AA helps us to stop living based on our own bad ideas, and it helps us to live by more positive ways of thinking and acting. That we don't have to do it alone anymore and can ASK for help is the greatest comfort. I no longer had to feel like I was crazy, worthless, or a personal failure as a woman and partner. I was told I just had a problem that was doing my thinking FOR me, and that there is a way out.
Attending AA and getting to know a woman who would help me in confidence and anonymity has allowed me to heal mind, body and spirit. My body no longer craves alcohol because I don't put any in it. The obsession about where when how I could or might drink is all but gone, because my mind is filled with other things now, more positive thoughts and less anger, resentment and fear. I no longer feel bored or a need to escape my uncomfortable circumstances, whether they be regarding my marriage, social situations or just being upset with myself. I don't feel the need to run to the bottle anymore. That is the blessing of what AA has done for me.
If you can relate to any of this, or to anyone else here, you are in the right place. Check out a meeting. Check out several. You do not have to make a decision right away, just simply go to several different meetings and see which ones you feel comfortable at. They say "bring the body and the mind will follow". The door is always open and it swings both ways. It is definitely worth giving it a try. I was told to commit to going to at least 3 different meetings and see how I felt about it.
I really admire the way you have come here and opened up a bit today, for your very first post. Come here often, and see how remarkable a life can be without alcohol. Share your feelings and thoughts, fears, etc. here in confidence. Read how others are recovering through AA and living better lives because of it. That is why we are here. To help and be helped!
WELCOME!!!!
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
OMG where are my glasses,lol. I like the classic definition of being an alcoholic. If alcohol causes you any amount of trouble in your life, you can be an alcoholic. If alcohol takes control of your actions, guess what? Usually people who drink to get drunk are alcoholics. Its almost always the "ism" in alcoholism that makes you an alcoholic. Some folks refer to this as " inner shit maintained"
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
I too was a binge drinker, quite the party girl for many years, or so I thought.
I drank my way through one marriage, and then married one who drank and partied like I did.
Being an alcoholic hasn't nothing to do with the amount or frequency of my drinking.
Thank God for AA. Today I don't have to drink, and I have been blessed to discover who I really am and share that with others.
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
OMG where are my glasses,lol. I like the classic definition of being an alcoholic. If alcohol causes you any amount of trouble in your life, you can be an alcoholic. If alcohol takes control of your actions, guess what? Usually people who drink to get drunk are alcoholics. Its almost always the "ism" in alcoholism that makes you an alcoholic. Some folks refer to this as " inner shit maintained"
That's good, and it goes along with John Bradshaw's deffinition of addiction. "A pathological relationship (love to/have to) to a mood altering substance or event, that has life damaging consequences". And as far as regaining control over our drinking, who was it last week that said "Once you're a pickle, you can't go back to being a cucumber"! I love that one.
Your all wonderful, Thank you for your replies!! Sometimes to face your fears you need someone else to reconfirm what you already thought you knew! I am still planning on going to my first AA meeting tomorrow, i will deff post what i think about it following!! I hope and pray I can be a new me or maybe the true me by this time next year. That way i can celebrate my 30th birthday sober and refreshed and having fun with life minus alcohol. Angela
Angela, you just descibed AA. "someone else to reconfirm what you already thought you knew". Or a grounp of people sharing their experience, strength, and hope to help each other stay sober. 29 years old is probably the perfect age to get sober. That's when I did and have met/seen a lot of others that came in at that age. It's also the time in life where people either get serious about getting on with their life, or they get stuck. just my opinion, but google "saturn returns" if you're bored. good luck at your first meeting. be sure to introduce yourself when they ask if "is there anyone new to AA"
When I first started really drinking I wouldn't drink every day. But, when I did drink I couldn't control how much or what I did. Eventually I was drinking every day and my life was spiraling way out of control.
For me, going to meetings is the only way that I can keep sober for one day at a time. I love my meetings and have made some really good friends and not just drinking buddies. My life has changed out of all recognition and yours can, too.
Please let us know how your meeting goes for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Welcome angela! Thanks for sharing and I do hope you'll hit a meeting. 90 meetings in 90 days is usually a good start. Dont be afraid! You wont black out there or make a fool of yourself and no one will be reminding you what you did at the meeting !!!! haha! Best of luck to you!!! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
