I'm new also and struggling

Happy · Member

I'm new also and struggling

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Karen,

I had a lot of trouble getting sober. I attended meetings fairly steadily for 2 years and only got as much as 2 months sober several times. I finally got it that this disease is progressive and will kill you, after my best friend died from drinking.

At that point I was "willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober", which included going to meetings every day for the first 3 years, getting a sponsor, making friends with people in the program and said goodbye to my drinking friends. I also realized that I needed to change because "the same man/woman will drink again". That's what the program is about. Changing how we live to promote a sober lifestyle. Like most others, when I arrived in AA, I thought it was a prison sentence, but a necessary one and that I was going have to do it but that I'd never be happy again. Those ideas were so far from the truth it's laughable today. I have more than I ever dreamed of, and It's getting better every year. I hope you'll join us, one day at a time. At 4 days, you're probably feeling a lot better. Set you sights on 30 days, get to meetings everyday, eat well, sleep well, take vitimens, and get plenty of exercize and you'll be amazed at how you're attitude will change.

Dean

TenderheartsKS · Senior Member

Hi Karen, and welcome! I didn't 'get it' the first time around in AA myself. I did have a good strong program of recovery for awhile, but eventually stopped doing the things I knew I needed to do, became 'terminally unique' again, and after 4 years sober I drank again.

Dean is so right in being willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober.

If I put as much effort in my recovery as I did my drinking, I'm on pretty solid ground today.

The basics have kept me on track-go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, and get my nose into that Big Book.

Keep coming back! :)

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Well done for reaching out, Karen. Sometimes to get the best help we really do have to put ourselves out there & ask. One of the things that keeps me sober today is knowing that if I keep doing what I've always done I'll keep getting what I've always got. This gives me the courage to try new things, like following what's suggested & keeping on reaching out. I don't know where you're upto with this? Do you have a Sponsor? Do you call her? Do you talk to other alcoholics on a regular basis? Are you reading the AA literature continuously? It seems like alot of commitment to begin with but it really does pay off & will help you in your running jumps as you get off the ground from the problem & into the solution. I had to develop new habits to build a good foundation of lifestyle & changes to my thinking. I learned alot about my drinking & my reasonings (ism) in those early months & still do. I'm sure you've been learning & are becoming aware of all this stuff too. My experiences after listening at meetings took the 'joy' I thought I'd had out of drinking & woke me up to its specific destructiveness. These are the thoughts I keep fresh in my head whenever the thought of a drink 'pops' in. That's where talking to other alcoholics & sharing at meetings has helped me. As we're sharing about all the negatives we've found in our experience of alcohol we're strengthening our resolve. Helping ourselves to stay sober & helping someone else to stay sober. That's a power in our fellowship & what replaces anything & everything we thought a drink could ever give us (imho) It's also good to note what you've already found as the benefits in not drinking. These will help to give you something to move towards as well as away from. For awhile it may seem like you're replacing one obsession with another but until I got some distance away from my drinking I really had to remain totally committed to & all about my recovery. It really helps to carry on talking about where you're upto. 18mths on & I'm developing a good balance in working my program & fulfilling my dreams & ambitions. None of which, for me, I had a chance at before when I was drinking. Read the Big Book, 12Steps&12Traditions, Living Sober, As Bill Sees It & you can move onto some literature by Hazelden too like The Little Red Book, Stools & Bottles. These are precisely the tools I used to get sober. Posting the 24 everyday helps me too ;) I hope you can begin to have some fun & enjoyment in picking up these suggestions. It's a difficult journey & has been for you, I know that! I can say from my own experience in what I've had to do to get sober, these are the things I did & life has improved vastly. There is a life & peace of mind after drink! I hope something of this has been helpful, even if it's just one thing for you. If there's something different you can do today to invest in yourself & your sobriety it's totally worth doing. Wishing you the best, Karen. I'm glad you're here & sharing. Keep on keeping on & let us know how it's going, ok! Have a lovely day, lady. Danielle x

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Karen,

I'm so glad that you started a new thread and so glad that you are still here.

Well done on four days of sobriety. That's great.

I didn't get the AA message first time around and it took me several attempts at it, but I stuck with it as the alternative was too frightening. Then, something just gelled for me.

I got to as many meetings as possible, I got a sponsor and kept in close touch with her, I did everything that was suggested to me. I also started helping out at meetings by setting up the room and helping make the coffee with other members as it gave me a chance to talk to them and to get to know them.

I bought myself a copy of Big Book, 12x12 and Living Sober and made sure that I read some of them every day. I needed to keep my mind focused on not picking up a drink. I also kept reminding myself that it is a daily program and I was just doing one day at a time. It all helped.

Keeping busy was a good idea for me, too. I cleaned the house, started baking, went for long walks and doing all of the jobs that I had been putting off.

Just hang in there and it really will get better.

Please keep posting and letting us know how it goes for you, won't you? We're all here for you.

Take care,

Carol

-- Edited by Quetzal at 11:55, 2008-02-08

malcolm · Member

Hi Karen,

I'm just 5 days from my last slip, and feel for your confusion and frustration. But I have made up my mind that I am not going to beat myself up, the booze does enough off that. I try to dust myself down, get well and return to the AA life. Many, many others never get the chance, so I feel lucky in some ways. Thats not to excuse my behavior but remember we have a disease not a disgrace.

And as one old timer once told me: The person who got up earliest this morning is the longest sober.

Take care of yourself,

Malcolm

Tuggboat · Senior Member

I remember my first morning in Detox. The first night I remember also, I think I was awake for most of it. :) I was a bit discouraged and confused. The first night was all doctor and nurse stuff and settlin in. The rather early wake up the next day wasn't unexpected but wasn't real happy to be with such a bunch. This one fella kept me up all night asking for drugs so he could sleep. I got a bit of a grudge and grumpled downstairs to the basement of a small stone house they had converted to a detox for a larger main facility. The coffee was decaf, I was with people I hadn't met before and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. They's taken my copy of "fools Die" by Mario Puzo with a chuckle and some other deep reading I'd planned on doing. Someone explained the decaf might be better for my nerves for a few days and another told me that what we were to do was to try to help each other. I thought I was supposed to read novels, weave baskets and paint the rusted light poles. This place sorely needed a coat of paint and the darn chairs sure could use some new cushions with seat covers woven by ME!

Mister give me some drugs looked pretty bad so I got a cool rag for his head. Their was a pothead that couldn't keep his knees together. So we took turns holding him so he wouldn't take off and i flirted with the only girl in the box with us knowing that that would surely lift her spirits. weirdface

I came across this one guy that didn't need any help. He seemed composed and stoic and pleasant enough. His name was Nick. I greeted him and he greeted me. He started asking me, "What was my drug of choice?" I was a bit confused since I mostly drank but came up with, "Budweiser." He looked at me like I was so wise and I looked at him. I said, "this really sucks here." To which he replied that I ought to try to see the good in things instead of the bad. Like what? "How bout the weather, look how nice it is outside. " He was right, through this tiny cellar window the sun was doing its best to break into our dark world and brighten it up.

"Man this guys really got something going on," I said to myself. "How long have you been sober? I was still working on my first 24 hours. "FOUR DAYS"

I thought he must be a genius or a saint. I was bowled over. I hadn't seen anybody with out a drink or drugs for four days that I could remember. a day at most 36 hours was the most me or my friends put together. I can describe what was going on around me but what was going on inside me was the first of many small miracles. I saw right there I was staring into the fase of one! I remember the side of his face, his curled hair androunded cheekbone. The sun pushed through that window and on that drunk it fell. My GOD, I was in the presence of his work! What I believed impossible was right in front of my eyes.

I had not seen a bad person become good. i was seeing a person with an incurable illness magically transformed. 19 years and change have not erased the memory of the first person I saw with four days.

Four days, five days? don't count yourself short!

cindy · Senior Member

it didnt really start to work for me until i read "how it works" in the big book of AA. When alcohol was obviously not working for me anymore, i became very angry that my illusion of control was gone. like everyone else has said, lots of meetings, a sponsor and i would like to add that the pamphlets at the meetings helped a lot too. glad you found us. keep us posted!

eastcoastscott · Senior Member

Hi folks,

Relative newcomer here too (2 months coming up this week...woot woot!). I am really getting into the Big Book this time around. I hear that there are around 3.5 million people in AA now, in 159 countries...give or take. This book works, plain and simple. I though, have difficulty understanding the true meaning of the steps, so I bought the 12 and 12 book. It helps but I find the Joe and Charlie Big Book Study so helpful, plus I love the way these guys deliver the message, I get the funniest mental images of the two of them on stage. I downloaded them free on this site if you want them:
http://silkworth.net/freestuff.html

Love to hear any other tips and tricks to assist in a recovery plan,

Scott

Tuggboat · Senior Member

Yeah that book's really good. It get confusing halfway into the "How It Works" chapter if you ask me. I couldn't understand it without a sponsor helping me. I read the stories in the back after I got confused. It really helps to look how you might be similar than different. I'd read those stories and I'd say thats me!, thats me!, and then I would read something that was a bit different and I would sink. At least today if your alcoholic there is hope. If I wasn't alcoholic, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I read the doctors opinion and a few points clicked but not the ones Charlie and Joe expand on so well. This is where studying in Big book groups or highlighting sentences and then asking a sponsor really pay off. That book has an astounding amount of depth in every sentence. I got to see those guys Charlie and Joe and a couple other teams do the book.

Hey scott, thanks for the Link by the way. I haven't heard em for a while. There is a book called "The Steps We Took"www.amazon.com/Steps-We-Took-Joe-McQ/dp/0874831512. Joe McQ wrote this. Several sponsors aropund here use this book. Once again, Working with others opens up things beyond our own clouded understanding. Wisdom and knowledge is great but understanding always involves two people. If we are to return to being a contributing part of this world, we have to start stumbling through realtionships with others.

Heres a tip, make some new friends, Start asking some of the new people if they want to have coffee after a meeting. Make it a regular event like every night after your home group or something. After you get a couple its much easier to ask others cause if they don't come, you still got some regulars. I had some good honest conversations about stuff I was afraid to mention I didn't understand, a little gossip about sponsors and formed a gang for camping and conferences.

Not every one is going to have their head on tight. In fact most won't biggrin

. Many people say new people shouldn't hang with new people but thats not how I did it. On Friday nights I was with the gang at the local Eat'n Park or at my sponsors. Some new guys were still drinking, others were crazy, a couple relapsed over the years but I miss that gang. We'd fill up half that restaurant :)

Give that a go