6 months sober from alcohol, proud of that fact. Knew everything. Could sound great in meetings. Thought I was IT man! Due to the fact that I saw alcohol as poison and knew it would make me sick and die or wish to die I thought I had it made. Thought AA is nice but why bother with all the hard work when I KNOW I will never drink again. Oh Boy!!!! Missing meetings, ok, not reading literature, ok, dull AA conversation on phone, ok, then the doosy of them all stopped talking to God. Blamo, I am flat on my face drunk!! What a stinky way to learn a lesson but God bless please did I learn it?? I am sober 2 days today and fighting it tooth and nail. I got in the car today with 7 bucks was gonna buy beer but ended up some how in the drive through at Burger King, bout 6 bucks worth of stuff. Went home ate it and called an AA friend. I feel like crap and look like crap but I am alive and it was only God's Grace. Thank you for letting me share. Allison
Knew everything. Could sound great in meetings. Thought I was IT man! .....Thought AA is nice but why bother with all the hard work when I KNOW I will never drink again.....Missing meetings, ok, not reading literature, ok, dull AA conversation on phone, ok, then the doosy of them all stopped talking to God.
Hey Sweetie. Thank you so much for sharing. You're a blessing to me at this moment......
Don't beat yourself up too bad. ....After all it really is about progress and not perfection.....I too have been just where you are right now. Hmmm, let's see. Once after 32 days, once after about 7 months and once after a whole friggin' year! .... MY problem; I could ADMIT I was an alcoholic but I couldn't ACCEPT it. I did the same things, quit talking to my sponosr, quit reading the BB, quit, quit, quit, one at a time I quit working the program.....My disease was screaming at me cause those 2 braincells I have left was holding on to the idea that someday I would be able to drink again, socially. I had a REALLY hard time with "just for today". I, too, wanted to believe "I will never drink again". I finally, after that last relapse (I pray), was able, by the Grace of God, to ACCEPT that I am a drunk! And I dont' have to worry about tomorrow, I just need to get through today. With practice I've begun to stop worrying about next week, or next month or when I go on vacation in May, and on and on and on..... Also, I quit screwin' around with the steps! I was a real good 3 stepper . I'm amazed (before I am 1/2 way through) how steps 4-8 has relieved my obession of drinking.... Now I find I'm terrified of step 9! But, if I want to stay sober, and I do very much, then I must take that step too, and very soon.....
OK. So, you know what you did uh shall we call it "wrong" (read what you wrote). Now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again, my friend......
Many ((((((HUGS))))) and lots of prayers headed your way.
-- Edited by Doll at 21:12, 2008-02-02
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Welcome back Allison. Don't sweat it, it takes what it takes. If you had a drunk left in you, it's better that it came out now instead of later when you might have had 5 years. I was in and out for the first two years of steadily going to meetings. I must say that you have a great attitude for 2 days sober after a relapse. And you're taking stock of what you need to do more of if you want to stay sober for the long run.
Hi Allison, So glad you made it back!! You shared with us all the things you didnt do...A recent post was about "effort" I myself need to make every effort to go to meetings, read, stay close to my hp on a daily basis! When we stop making the efforts to stay sober, we see where we can land! Im glad you realize what you have to do. I can tell myself everyday one drink wont hurt. But, I am an alcoholic and will always be one!
Just keep doing the next right thing and when you get bored, mix it up a bit......New meetings, new friends, helping others and most importantly , prayer!!!!!
Best of luck! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Thanks for sharing. Recently I wasn't going to as many meetings, reading AA literature or having as much contact with AA friends. I just knew that I had to get back or I would pick up again.
Try not to beat yourself up too much about it. I think that a lot of us have been right were you are now. I know that I certainly have. Just take things one day at a time, keep going back to meetings and doing what is suggested.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Take good care of yourself,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Good morning Allison! I can relate very much to your sharing. After 4 years of not drinking, I once again fell victim to the thinking that I was 'unique'.
My intelligence was NOT an asset for many years. I was almost too smart to get sober and stay sober! LOL!
Glad you are back! ((((hugs))))
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"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
~Herbert Spencer
I'm one of those "if I don't have to work at it, I'm getting complacent" types. I start taking too much for granted. I went back out after eighteen months back in the beginning, and in the year I drank after that, I caused more havoc than I ever had before. Things just got too easy for me, I guess. So, lesson learned. Like Lani, I have to put in some effort even today, or I'll forget and just figure I've got something coming. Not. Hang in there, be good to yourself. hugs chris
Allison, I am so so proud of you for heading through BK instead... I know exactly what it feels like, I have been there quite recently... I just want you to know that I love you and feel for you today. You know that it gets easier as time goes on.... I am praying for you, dear friend!!
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Welcome back, Allison! Thanks for the warning! I was hoping you were alright & just taking the advice of your Sponsor who I think had suggested you keep it quiet for awhile & listen. Maybe that was a little too literal, hey! It's good to share. It keeps us involved & committed & I was missing your contributions! Don't stop sharing, lady even if you're not sure about how that deep stuff may come across. It's our honesty that wins through & we're not perfect, hey. We're in this thing together. You've taught me with your ES&H coming back with this & I hope to pay attention. I've dropped my meetings & only study literature at the meetings. I have read alot of the literature & it's helped to keep me sober so far but of course tis maintenance & I can't afford to get complacent either with this cunning, baffling & powerful disease. It's one of the only illnesses that will tell us we haven't got it. I hate having it *sometimes* but I know deep down where a drink will take me. It's only fantasy & wishful thinking that tells me otherwise. I don't want to have to find out. Maybe I will, I don't know. Right now it's *sometimes* my pride & ego of not wanting to be wrong that keeps me sober lol Well done for facing yourself full on & having the humility to surrender from the grip of it again in powerlessness as soon as you could. I bet that was some of the best & wanted chicken you've had in awhile! I'm glad you made it back. You are & will be an inspiration for many of us & to me. I hope you can enjoy your sobriety again 1Day@aTime. None of it's been wasted. Well Done for making it back to fellowship. Thanks for being here with us too, Danielle xxx
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Thank you so much for sharing. You don't know how much you helped me today. I had 4 months sober back on July 3rd. On July 4th, I picked up a drink and never put it down. I have 1 day today and I am a mess. I'm so glad I found this message board.
Hi Karen, Welcome the Miracles in progress Women's group lol, I'm just an interloper along with a phil and a couple of others. Glad you made it back, 6 months gone isn't too bad, the average seems to be 2 years.
Thank you Dean. I'm glad I made it back also. It was getting bad...went from I can at parties, to I can drink on weekends, to I'm drinking every day again..beer bottles hidden all over the place. I just bagged them all up yesterday...have 4 trash bags in the trunk of my car and thats just 2 weeks worth.
Don't dread being a retread, I went in and out for 2 years, about every two months. Funny I never thought too much about what other people thought, I just kept picking up the white chips until I made it. Get you butt in there before it falls off again lol
Don't beat yourself up about picking up a drink again. I've done it and I know a lot of people who have. When I picked up again it took me eighteen months to get back to AA.
When I walked back into my home group I was met with nothing other than love and a sense that I had gone back 'home'. It felt right.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you? You could always start a new thread and introduce yourself to the other members, too.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thank you Carol. It has been a Godsend finding this message board. I feel a little bit connected again. I know my home group will probably be happy to see me I just feel like such a moron and I don't want to feel sorry for myself.
I now have 2 days and while I was sick as a dog yesterday, I actually feel pretty good today.
Welcome to MIP, Karen. It's a brilliant forum. There's plenty of male input too, I think. Dean's got a complex ;) lol Anyways, where's your new thread, lovely? Come on so we can all give you some loving! It's good to have you here. I'm glad you made it back. Don't worry that you went out & tried it again. It's added more to your experience, strength & hope :) You can share this & help others too. Well done for the sobriety you already achieved. Like I said to Allison ~ It's not wasted! Thanks for being here & again, well done for making it back. Good luck seeing your friends at your home group. I'm sure they'll be chuffed to see you & that you're ok. Well done for Day2.. Keep up the goodwork 1Day@aTime :D Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
. I'm amazed (before I am 1/2 way through) how steps 4-8 has relieved my obession of drinking.... Now I find I'm terrified of step 9! But, if I want to stay sober, and I do very much, then I must take that step too, and very soon.....