Boy I held onto this Tight. Especially blaming myself. If you suggested it wasn't all my fault or all your fault I'd suggest you need to look a little harder. I don't have a firm grasp on this but it seems the last four or five years have seen me real willing to see the connections between my character defects and other mistakes and my disease of Alcoholism. I thought I might be using the disease concept for a scapegoat and was too ruthless with myself.. I'm not all that bad of a person really but my voice still gets tight when a stray button gets pushed. I can really beat myself up for even the slightest tension in my tone though.

An ego trip back into hopelessness?? I think I've seen your point and it is startling when you realize we can turn honest self examination into something dangerous instead of healing as it is meant to be. Perhaps its our motives, do i want to hurt or heal me? Same actions, different motives equals different results? Hmmm

Good point Is this one of those take what we want and leave the rest?:)