We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....
That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.
What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?
Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn't work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.
Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I really needed to read that today, Carol. Thank you for posting it. After all that has happened in my marriage lately, my husband has been trying to move forward in certain areas a little too fast for me. I have had to put up some boundaries lately, not all of which he likes or appreciates. But like the message stated, in the interim, I have to take care of myself first. Some aspects of the relationship can wait. Some of them may never be repaired to my liking. But I will still need to have taken care of myself.
Thanks again for posting this today.
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Good post.... Being the happy go lucky, go with the flow person I am most of the time, I can see now how my changing attitude toward some people is causing great discomfort. Im growing a bit by stating what my wants and desires are and some people arent too happy! This honesty thing can make you crazy!!! But, I have to say, rather than feeling all guilty about a decision Ive made, Im giving it up and forgetting about it! For me, it certainly helped with the stress of the last holiday. I stated my family's plans and left it at that. Come if you want. (sorry we couldnt make it to my older brothers drunk fest at his house!) Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Thankyou for this post, Q. Coupled with Phil's post on grieving of relationships it has really helped me in my strong foundations & moving on. I've been living by the premise 'If you love someone/something, set them free, if it comes back to me then it would be mine, if it doesn't it never could be'. I know what I mean by this & it has helped me to continue to let go & swim up to the light in levels. This is all new to me. I've never practiced these qualities to any great extent before recovery & now the quality of my recovery is dependent on it. It's amazing & such slow work but definitely worth it. They say time is a healer & to give time time & God's delays arn't God's denials. I'm learning to breath again & not holding my breath in wait. That was killing me before & it feels so good to be able to let go & own my own life despite whatever I may feel for anybody else. It's a real freedom. Thanks so much for posting this today. It's exactly where I'm at. Thankyou, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
