I have been drinking very heavily for a long time now. Last night, my boyfriend made me choose between him or the alcohol......but before he did, he called my family, and told them what ive been doing. I was extremely hurt about that, because I really didnt want my family to know I had a problem. I honestly didnt want to even admit that I had a problem, because I felt that If I were to admit it, I had to quit, and didnt want to. I am having a hard time with this right now, because I told my boyfriend that I would quit since it was almost the end of our relationship. This morning, I had to pour my last two beers down the sink.......and It is seriously killing me at this point. I kind of wonder if i will ever feel better about this. Will it be easy eventually? Or am I always going to want to go to the store to buy more? If I slip up on this, It will mess up my whole life. I guess I just need encouragement from someone going through the same thing as I am. So, any advice, or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
You sound almost exactly the same as I was before I came to AA. My boyfriend was at the end of it with my drinking and threatened to tell my family. He moved out as he couldn't bear living with me another day longer.
Eventually, I got myself to AA and it is the best thing that I could have done. I just wish that I had done it sooner and saved everybody (me included) so much hurt and pain.
Try 'phoning the AA helpline in your area. You'll be chatting with a recovering alcoholic who knows exactly where you are right now and how it feels. They'll be able to tell you where your local meetings are held and arrange for someone to meet you and take you to one, if you would like.
If it weren't for AA this alcoholic would most likely to be dead, or well on the road to a painful, miserable and lonely end to life. Instead of that, my life is so much better now than I ever thought it could be. It can happen to you, too.
Why not try it? You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Please keep posting and letting us know what you are up to, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Hi, Sooner or later this things gets bad enough that love ones make us make a choice, Many lose and keep losing, Some get honest and get sober, for me the choice was to get honest and the choices got easier!!!! Good luck to u and u are not alone. Wagon
sounds like bottom-there is so much help available for you -get youself to a meeting and judge for yourself. there is a great life to be lived thru AA. stay in touch and good luck.
I have been drinking very heavily for a long time now. Last night, my boyfriend made me choose between him or the alcohol......but before he did, he called my family, and told them what ive been doing. I was extremely hurt about that, because I really didnt want my family to know I had a problem. I honestly didnt want to even admit that I had a problem, because I felt that If I were to admit it, I had to quit, and didnt want to. I am having a hard time with this right now, because I told my boyfriend that I would quit since it was almost the end of our relationship. This morning, I had to pour my last two beers down the sink.......and It is seriously killing me at this point. I kind of wonder if i will ever feel better about this. Will it be easy eventually? Or am I always going to want to go to the store to buy more? If I slip up on this, It will mess up my whole life. I guess I just need encouragement from someone going through the same thing as I am. So, any advice, or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Hello Angeleyes,
I can't add much more than what was said by the other posters (and I agree wholeheartedly). It does hurt me to hear what you're going thru as all of us have experienced that pain and many of us have suffered far worse such as jails, insitutions, medical problems, divorce, bankruptcies......and death. Trust me, whatever bad and evil there is out there in the world, this disease of alcoholism will bring it too you, and eventually it will bring all of it to you. One of our favorite replies to "it hasn't happened to me yet" is "There is a lot of Yets out there for you" that make losing a boyfriend look like winning the lottery.
I too came into AA trying to save a relationship (a marriage) and I got sober. That marriage didn't last, but my second wife and I have been together 14 years and it has been unbelievably wonderful and it would've never happened if I was still drinking, and well I wouldn't be here.
In answer to your question: "I kind of wonder if i will ever feel better about this. Will it be easy eventually? Or am I always going to want to go to the store to buy more?"
Yes you will feel better the longer that you're sober. It takes a little time, but the more that you deny that inner voice that says "let's have a drink" the stronger you will get and the eventually that voice will go away. It took 6 months for me and I haven't wanted to drink for over 17 years now. And because I don't drink I have been able to do many amazing things that I could never have done like skiing in Europe, scuba diving in Guam, transcontinental motorcycle rides but ahead of that I was able to be a great father to my now 20 yo son as well be usefull to the rest of my family when they needed me.
I hope this helps and you'll go check out some AA meetings. The are full of people just like you and they'll be happy to meet you.
Welcome Angeleyes! Tim, alcoholic. You've gotten some great advice so far...now all you have to do is heed it. A couple of things I'll add: No amount of coercion is going to help you for long Not your boyfriend's threats, your family's threats, or any other threats. YOU have to make up your own mind that you no longer wish to have alcohol in your life. Been there. I had many months of sobriety many times but always in the back of my mind I hoped for a day that I could "drink like a normal person"; I was a "dry drunk". I failed to stay sober until I made up my mind that I no longer needed or wanted it in my life. I hope that you don't have to go through that series of disappointments. Many do, some don't. Maybe you'll be one of the fortunate ones. The choice is yours and yours alone. Good fortune...Tim
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"We posess the eyes through which the universe gazes with wonder upon its own majesty."
Welcome to MIP Angeleyes, (love the name). I don't think there's a thing I could add to what's been said here. One of the things that struck me was something that Tim pointed out,and that's how first and foremost, I own that my sobriety is for me. I go to meetings for me. When I came to the realization I was staying sober for myself, that released all expectations that I sensed from others, and expectations I had put on others ( well, if you want me to stay sober, then yada yada. Make sense?). If Im not doing it for myself first and foremost, then I am setting my self up to crash and burn if others don't do the rallying I would want from them, so keep coming back, posting, and meetings meetings meetings. Get phone numbers so yu have some local support. Glad to see you here, chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
I am myself a recovering alcoholic,not very old in AA.I can identify with your state of mind rt now. I had a boyfriend who also boozed.However he could manage it whereas I lost myself....I went through the fears of his telling my family, infact all thrugh this is one thing I have been scared of..'what if my family knew'....That was a time when I was not living in with my family..Eventually my boyfriend after having tried hard enough to make me give up booze/him walked out of my life and I got back to the bottle with double venegance.
I moved in with my family 3 years after that. And carried on my camouflaged drinking like in a coke, up in the terrace etc. hiding out from family....I though I was smart, but they KNEW....and with months my drinking became worse, it reflected on my relationships at home, with colleagues...
I flirted with AA meetings for long, kept going there only to come back and wash out the talks I will hear with more alcohol, this went on for quite some time. But what worked for me was my constant touch with AA. Here is a program which doesn't impose its thought on u, members talk about their battle with booze, their spirit, AA program and then it is upto u to make up your mind, take that call if u want to live a booze-free life.
I made that choice after almost an year, and today i am a happy person.My advice to you would be, don't think or expect too much rt now.Take up the phone book, find a meeting, attend it, and see how u feel.And make efforts to say NO to call for a drink...Try doing other things which make u happy, visit ur family...call up a fellow AA member....Every small, positive ffort will take up a lot of your energy but give it a shot....Believe me, it will make u strong enough to decide what you want to do....
And Finally....Don't stress urself too much, take one step at a time, live and plan 1 day... Good Luck
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
Hey angeleyes...Thank you so much for sharing - You have helped me stay sober one more day by reminding me what I used to be like and that I never want to return to that chaos and heartache....Please keep coming.......You're in my prayers, hun.
(((hugs))))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Everyone has there own BOTTOM. I had too many to count over the 28 years I thought I was having a normal good time. I did everything I wanted to do in this life and made sure that I had everything as well. The problem with this type of thinking is that it is all SELF-CENTERED, self-Absorbed, and Narcissitic. SICK SICK LADY.
I stopped drinking and using many times! Or tried to stop all for the wrong reasons it seemed. I came into A.A. almost 14 years ago to learn the 12 steps of Recovery and to stay off BOOZE and Drugs. To learn "WHY" I did them in the first place. God has had various other plans for me over the years. SO I just Follow GOD"S plan for my life. That is different than someone elses as fasr as the growth rate. Seasons change!
Have you ever heard that we all have an underlying problem beneath the drinking and using. We are covering or masking some other pain or problem that we don't want to face. I finally realized that it wasn't everyone else's fault that I was a drug addict or an alcoholic. That I was a sinner and that I had tremendous GUILT, SHAME, FEAR, INSECURITIES, over the things that I had done while drinking and not drinking. My SINS had nearly destroyed me.
Yes I was abused, yes, I was raped, yes I had trauma, I went to CYA, I lived on the streets 35 years ago, rode with a Motorcycle gang and then climbed a financial ladder. But for how long can a human being beat up the World and themselves with drinking and using to be an EVIL MONSTER. I had 2 faces I became what I despised most, I was even worse in many regards. Surpassing the evil in the lives I so despised.
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. Have any of you done that? I have. Praise GOD for my redemption. For HIS saving GRACE, for HIS FREE GIFT to me. I am a NEW CREATION. I am FORGIVEN, CLEAN and SOBER.
A.A. saved my rear end and still does when I need them they are always there. When I need GOD he is always there.
You are a PRAYER away. SOBER it is the ONLY WAY TO LIVE HAPPY.
As you read through these posts, the message is the same. We've all been there. You're not alone. This is a very small sample of those with similar problems and have found a new life in AA. Go to meetings. You'll be surprised how many more people have been where you are now, including myself.
Read the Big Book. Go to more meetings. Listen to those in meetings. Talk to people before and after the meetings. Realizing that there is life without alcohol and drugs is better, you'll find a new happiness. It may not (and probably will not) be easy. But facing the truth of you're addiction, talking about it with your family and friends, and going to meetings will make it easier.
It's a one day at a time program. And today I don't feel like drinking. Today my life is better.
It has been a long time since I had made my posting on here. I had only been on here a few times to check reply's. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone that sent messages of encouragement to me. I had gone through so much in such a short time.....I really hit bottom. But when I had posted that message......I guess I had not fully hit complete bottom yet. I still did drink occasionally. But I guess my "COMPLETE" Bottom was after a day of heavy drinking.......I decided I couldnt handle it anymore. I overdosed. My boyfriend and I split up. Moved around between my family for a while........Still It did not end there. I got a DUI. Never in my life had I even been pulled over for speeding...Nothing. But I guess It was that, and The new friends I was surrounding myself with. Along with the substance abuse classes I was attending. I now prefer to be sober. I like the way I feel. I dont like the way alcohol makes me feel. So I guess I have found my path once more. I am not saying its easy. Life of course keeps throwing things my way. I do get stressed out.......And I am learning to deal with stress, depression, and anxiety in new ways.
So I really wanted to say in this message is that......when I posted the original message on here......I was in tears bawling. And going back through and reading it again made tears come to my eyes. It just really reminded me the pain I was in. But I am and will deal with it in new ways. So Thank you all so very much! I appreciate the non-judgement. That was another thing that scared the death out of me. I wish everyone luck in their recovery :)
Wow -- what a testament to know that even while you were still out there suffering you still checked in on your message on this board....AA is still here for you - and I'm certain you will feel welcome and not judged by all the wonderful people on this board.
Thank you for reminding me how so many of us teeter in the wings and how important it is to keep the doors (websites?) open.
How wonderful to see you today, and thought that was a very insightful way of bringing us where you were at, and where you are NOW. So Happy for you.
And about your DUI, I never did get one ever, drank and drove all the time, even in balckouts, the laws were so lax then, and today I feel that DUIs are really a Big Blessing. I was stopped a few times for speed limit, or an expired registration, but I would put up my big smile, and show the Officer that I was indeed, very scared, he would give me a fix it ticket, or whatever, but always said, Drive safely home. The new tough laws about drinking and driving, is all good, or better yet GREAT. We have some very wonderful people here that started Recovery from a DUI. An they are doing so fantastically.
And just so happy that for you, the saying of "It takes what it takes" And greatful today that you are here with us.
Your posting that update, with the original just made my heart feel so happy for you.
Hope also that we will see more of you here, sharing your Road of Happy destiny with us.
A Big Hug, and welcome HOME.
Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Thursday 6th of August 2009 06:09:29 PM
Things had yet again got very tough for me. I was right back to my original heavy drinking. I actually felt myself hit bottom. I could not go any further down without dying. So I am happy to now say that I am 7 months sober as of yesterday!!!! I love my life!
Things had yet again got very tough for me. I was right back to my original heavy drinking. I actually felt myself hit bottom. I could not go any further down without dying. So I am happy to now say that I am 7 months sober as of yesterday!!!! I love my life!
That's just great. Really great and made my day. It doesn't get any better than that last line.
Thank you all. I am doing very well. I have gone through some very tough things lately. Dealt with them and still stayed sober. I know life will continue to have bumps in the road, but it is in how I deal with them. Instead of running....I choose to face them head on. I am now working my steps (finally) with my great sponsor. She has been great in dealing with me when I want to run away and hide. My church and GOD has helped me to remain sober.
Welcome to MIP, Angeleyes. It looks like you finally landed at last & with a great message too. I hope you may stay & help someone else stay sober with your experience, strength & hope. I'm glad & grateful you made it & have your sobriety today 1Day@aTime ;) Godbless you, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
