I have to share this.. On two occassions now I have made comments at meetings and was told that "perhaps thats something you need to ask before the meeting, questions arent asked here, you should talk to your sponser, you dont put the money in the basket before its passed....Talk to so and so, maybe she can help you w/ the format"....I guess i didnt realize there was a rule book at meetings!! I was at a step meeting and they were talking about 2 stepping. I raised my hand, not double dipping, and asked what that meant. I put my change in the basket that was sitting right in front of me to get it out of the way. And, at a fifth step meeting, no one was sharing... We read the whole step then comment. Silence kills me, no one was responding so once again, I raised my hand and stated that I was so afraid of the fifth step, couldnt imagine doing it b/c I am so afraid to let out my true feelings, be honest and would be totally embarrassed to share all that Ive been thru or done b/c of my drinking. The above comments were made to me and boy..I felt like, dang I will just listen and never share again!! After talking to several people, they assured me that all the things I did were ok. The funny thing is, Im still only on step 2 and why am I worrying about all this crap now. But of course, Im impatient and jump ahead of myself. I also laughed b/c in any other venue, I would have said "oh, is that in the rule book" or some other silly comment. But in my AA meetings, Im still so unsure of myself I just clam up. I hate that!! I guess I just felt totally dumb and it really does play havok on my sobriety..Everything does unfortunately!!! So, my question is this...Do you just take the comments in stride, or do you let that person, who believes he;s wiser than GOD, let you feel bad and make you withdrawl,feeling like you never want to share, or come back for that matter. I have shared w/ u all that Im not yet at 30 days and am struggling as it is... I must say tho, after sharing my fears w/ the group all kinds of hands went up. People shared the most awesome things w/ us!Hope was given to me and lots of good suggestions!!! Have a great weekend!! Lani(feeling stupid)
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hmmm... never seen a meeting where questions were'nt welcome. Of course at some "study" meetings, there's a forum followed... like stick to the topic thats being studied, and so on... Some groups reserve only discussion meetings for Q&A , while others allow Q&A before or after a book study... different groups follow different guidlines, as decided by that particular group during it's monthly group concious meeting. Our group always adresses questions, and I like it that way... Do we let others make us feel bad so we dont feel like sharing? Of course not. Even if you feel uncomfortable talking at the meeting, there's always someone hangin around afterwards thats willing to listen. Bottom line... never go home from a meeting with a problem or question you walked in with. It's YOUR sobriety you have to worry about, not theirs.... and if they want to act like a God... let em.
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My warranty on tomorrow has run out. My guarantee on the past is void. Nothing is going my way... and I like it like that.
There's a really good book called "Getting Started in AA" by Hamilton B. This book will answer questions you haven't even thought to ask yet about AA. Available in the recovery, self help section of book store and of course online at places like Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Bob
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
There is no rule book for what happens at meeting and they will all vary slightly. For me, that's the joy of meetings, in that I can always find a meeting that I really like.
I love seeing somebody fairly new to sobriety asking questions as it means that they are really serious about staying sober. When I first started going to meetings, I was told to arrive half an hour before the meeting and leave half an hour after it has ended. I've found that the time before and after a meeting can be so beneficial for me. There are always some wonderfully helpful people around then who will answer any questions that you might have.
Please don't worry about how you feel about step five. I have yet to meet an alcoholic (or a non-alcoholic for that matter) who has not had a problem with the idea of steps four and five. I know that I did. Try not to think about it and concentrate on the step that you are on.
Don't let anyone's comments put you off going to and participating in meetings. You have as much right to be there as anybody else. And, until we have been to a few meetings we have no way of knowing what happens. Your sobriety is so very important to you and a precious gift. Nobody is worth throwing that away on. Just try to ignore the 'know it alls' and focus on yourself and what you need from the meetings.
Please keep posting and letting us know hot it's going, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Far as I know the only thing required for an AA meeting is the desire to stop drinking....think if I were you, and it's possible, try some other meetings....we got em here too, they get 'too big for their britches' so to speak. I'll say what I want, when I want, and I'll even double dip if I have the need. As long as I'm respecting others 'time' and not interuppting, etc, I'm at a meeting to help me, not worry about the petty stuff.........hang in there....pray for those folks.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Miller said it right. You were in a 12 & 12 meeting and it's hard to get through reading the entire step and then get comments (presumably from those with experience in that particular step) about it. Don't let stuff like that get to you. You will also experience meetings where the leader of the meeting is very controlling and will hand pick people to share. I find that particularly annoying. I usually just start talking immediately after someone finishes if I have something to say. When I was in my first 30 days, I believe it was my second meeting, I walked in and asked a girl I recognized if there were any sodas. Just then some old timer that was standing behind me said "this is AA we don't have no *** damned sodas here!!!" I almost left the meeting I was so embarrassed.
Also, when it comes to meeting protocol (and maybe life in general, It's better to give a resentment then to get a resentment. After all "It is a selfish program". Tell them to "get off you cloud" next time.
I am with Doll on this one... I would try other meetings to find a better fit, if possible. I attend meetings all over town and have never been to one where anyone, let alone newcomer is made to feel unwelcome to speak up or ask questions. Don't let one group turn you off to the program or derail your sobriety - its too important and the miracle is worth it!
I use to go to a meeting where there was a particular individual who called BS on people a lot. In the beginning I thought he was a real Ahole. One day he spoke up after someone started telling others the way AA is suppose to work and the rules thereof. He quickly shot down the person saying that we are all here to get our lives back on track. And that if anyone needs to say something, ask a question, or share a concern, we all benefit from the discussion. The rule is that there are no rules, just a desire to stop drinking.
Since then I took another view of AA. No matter what the forum, be it general meeting, step study, or even a speaker meeting, everyone has a right to speak. Many times as discussions are carried out, new thoughts come up and the need to speak again is OK. I actually never heard of "double dipping" in a meeting before. And 99% of the time the meeting ends by asking if anyone has a burning desire to speak. No one should ever be deined the opportunity to speak as much or as often as necessary or ask any question (there are no stupid questions in an AA meeting, we're all a bunch of dumb drunks anyways). Of course, rambling about useless unrelated stuff isn't why we're there.
I've met a lot of those who are "better than thou" or know the program better than anyone else, but, in my opinion, they are the ones who haven't stepped back away from themselves to remember that AA is a fellowship. No matter if the person has only one day or has 20 years, we are all important to this program and the success of any of us depends on all of us.
