I'm a sober AA member from India. Yesterday a group converted its regular AA Open Meeting in to a Memorial Meeting for a member who had passed away a fortnight back. We are told that the group had taken a "group conscience" (may be of "well informed one" variety) before making announcement of the Memorial Meeting. There is of course no answer to the query whether the said group will hold such memorial meetings for each and every every member of the group after he/she passes away(drunk or sober) in future.
No Data/experience was available when i googled.
Could anybody share her/his experiences or guidelines,if any, issued by Group/IG/GSO ? Also could you share your opinions as to whether such Memorial Meetings are within the spirit of AA traditions.
Pythonpappy said
Oct 17, 2013
Hi Suneel, ... Glad you found us, welcome to MIP ...
You bring up a good question because most groups experience this type of loss on a somewhat regular basis ... I know of no particular 'guidelines' in this case, but I can tell you what we do here ... we make announcements to the effect that one of our members has passed, and then keep up-to-date of the arrangements of their funeral ... depending on the situation, we sometimes set up a special 'memorial' at the place of the funeral service, just prior to the actual traditional service ... This way, our respects and our tributes are paid outside of normal meetings or other routines and they do not interfere with the 'non-alcoholic' family members and friends ...
This way, new-comers, or newer members that were not close to the deceased or knew of them, can receive the knowledge and encouragement they need ... here, we also have what is termed the 'meeting' before the meeting and the 'meeting' after the meeting where our 'regulars' come 20 to 30 minutes before and stay 20 to 30 minutes after the regular meeting ... this is where we group together to discuss issues and situations like you just described ... We prefer that our scheduled meetings come off as per the traditional norm ... ... ... I hope others here will share what they do in their particular areas of the world !!! ... I'd like to know too!
Hope this helps, take care, Pappy
chris said
Oct 17, 2013
The GSO in my experience tries to stay out of how individual groups run their meetings. You can't make a group do something. None of my meetings would ever hold a "memorial meeting" for the sole purpose that it could be someone's first time ever being in an AA meeting, or someone really needed a meeting on that particular day to stay sober. An announcement would be made of the wake/funeral times and that would be the end of it in during the actual meeting time.
nezyb said
Oct 17, 2013
In my home group, we have lost a few members over the past 3 years. I myself did not know them very well, we have 5 mtgs a day, 7 days a week. But there were folks who did know them well and this is what they did. They approached group conscience & asked to either hold a pot luck memorial during a time when there was no meeting, or asked to hold it right after a meeting. This allowed members of the group to pay their respects and share with fellow AA members their sorrows & joys regarding the loss, but didn't interfere with the meetings themselves.
tomsteve said
Oct 18, 2013
each group is autonomous except in manners affecting other groups or AA as a whole.
I don't see it affecting any other group or AA as a whole.
but personally, I dont go to them. I have known a few people that passed away sober and I could hear them sayin,"wtf. im dead! theres drunk out there that need help so quit screwin around memorializing a common alcoholic like me!"
Jerry F said
Oct 18, 2013
I've been to several over the time of this journey and I have never not learned from the fellowship under all conditions..."If you keep and open mind you will find help" was the first promise kept for me by the program. Memorials often include remembering the positives the former member gave to the fellowship and often as not include the subject of sobriety tested by loss. I have been to some memorials which were huge spiritual elevators for my own recovery. "Group" conscience is the way we do things here...the group is the most respected member and mostly a conscience is called for on a "special" condition and I love that because it reinforces that we are not "ridgid" and cannot entertain margin and grace. On page 102 (I rarely ever cite the BB) at the second to the last paragraph is for me a "grace" statement which allows me the use of some of my own personal recovery tools..."Your job noew is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others...so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful". A meeting is a meeting is a meeting...I have rarely found one that wasn't helpful including the memorials. Just for me. ((((hugs))))
Suneel121 said
Oct 18, 2013
Thanks. I've carefully read the experiences shared so far by various members and also forwarding the same to those interested over here. So next time such issue crops up in business meeting there could be a decision based on "more well informed group conscience"
Pythonpappy said
Oct 18, 2013
Glad to see you put forth an effort to help your group Suneel ... ... ... I'm sure there are grateful too ... keep in touch!
Mike D said
Oct 20, 2013
Hi Suneel, We've always had many elderly A.A. members in the meetings that I go to, and some of them have passed away in the past 25 years that I've been sober. In all those years, I have never seen or heard of such a thing as a "memorial meeting" in my area of the U.S., and I am certain that this would never be done in any A.A. meeting here. The meetings are primarily for newcomers. For us, it's all about them....not us older folks. However, when an A.A. member passes away, we honor him, or her, by attending their traditional funeral service and letting the family know how much they helped us, and what they meant to our sobriety. They are always overjoyed to hear the good that their deceased family member has done in life. And, they never fail to embrace those of us who were part of their lives in A.A. From my experience, that's how we can let their memory live on. Blessings, Mike D.
betterthanyesterday52 said
Oct 20, 2013
Mike D wrote:
However, when an A.A. member passes away, we honor him, or her, by attending their traditional funeral service and letting the family know how much they helped us, and what they meant to our sobriety. They are always overjoyed to hear the good that their deceased family member has done in life. And, they never fail to embrace those of us who were part of their lives in A.A. From my experience, that's how we can let their memory live on.
That's beautiful, Mike D!
mehditehran said
Jul 24, 2022
Hello everyone, in my home group we make a memorial meeting for earlier member that passes away by group conscious. and I see some memorial meetings in 12steps fellowship several time in the USA, If you search "Memorial meeting" + "AA" , you may find some memorial meetings in some AA websites meeting calendar! by the way here is AA Speakers Celebrate Chuck C. At A Special AA Memorial Meeting 1985: www.youtube.com/watch
"I w as to sit quietly w hen in doubt,
asking only for direction a nd strength to me et my
problems as He would have me"
The BigBook, Page13.
Blessings, Mehdi Tehran.
Coek said
December 3rd
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I'm a sober AA member from India. Yesterday a group converted its regular AA Open Meeting in to a Memorial Meeting for a member who had passed away a fortnight back. We are told that the group had taken a "group conscience" (may be of "well informed one" variety) before making announcement of the Memorial Meeting. There is of course no answer to the query whether the said group will hold such memorial meetings for each and every every member of the group after he/she passes away(drunk or sober) in future.
No Data/experience was available when i googled.
Could anybody share her/his experiences or guidelines,if any, issued by Group/IG/GSO ? Also could you share your opinions as to whether such Memorial Meetings are within the spirit of AA traditions.
Hi Suneel, ... Glad you found us, welcome to MIP ...
You bring up a good question because most groups experience this type of loss on a somewhat regular basis ... I know of no particular 'guidelines' in this case, but I can tell you what we do here ... we make announcements to the effect that one of our members has passed, and then keep up-to-date of the arrangements of their funeral ... depending on the situation, we sometimes set up a special 'memorial' at the place of the funeral service, just prior to the actual traditional service ... This way, our respects and our tributes are paid outside of normal meetings or other routines and they do not interfere with the 'non-alcoholic' family members and friends ...
This way, new-comers, or newer members that were not close to the deceased or knew of them, can receive the knowledge and encouragement they need ... here, we also have what is termed the 'meeting' before the meeting and the 'meeting' after the meeting where our 'regulars' come 20 to 30 minutes before and stay 20 to 30 minutes after the regular meeting ... this is where we group together to discuss issues and situations like you just described ... We prefer that our scheduled meetings come off as per the traditional norm ... ... ... I hope others here will share what they do in their particular areas of the world !!! ... I'd like to know too!
Hope this helps, take care,
Pappy
I don't see it affecting any other group or AA as a whole.
but personally, I dont go to them. I have known a few people that passed away sober and I could hear them sayin,"wtf. im dead! theres drunk out there that need help so quit screwin around memorializing a common alcoholic like me!"
I've been to several over the time of this journey and I have never not learned from the fellowship under all conditions..."If you keep and open mind you will find help" was the first promise kept for me by the program. Memorials often include remembering the positives the former member gave to the fellowship and often as not include the subject of sobriety tested by loss. I have been to some memorials which were huge spiritual elevators for my own recovery. "Group" conscience is the way we do things here...the group is the most respected member and mostly a conscience is called for on a "special" condition and I love that because it reinforces that we are not "ridgid" and cannot entertain margin and grace. On page 102 (I rarely ever cite the BB) at the second to the last paragraph is for me a "grace" statement which allows me the use of some of my own personal recovery tools..."Your job noew is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others...so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful". A meeting is a meeting is a meeting...I have rarely found one that wasn't helpful including the memorials. Just for me. ((((hugs))))
Glad to see you put forth an effort to help your group Suneel ... ... ... I'm sure there are grateful too ... keep in touch!
Hi Suneel, We've always had many elderly A.A. members in the meetings that I go to, and some of them have passed away in the past 25 years that I've been sober. In all those years, I have never seen or heard of such a thing as a "memorial meeting" in my area of the U.S., and I am certain that this would never be done in any A.A. meeting here. The meetings are primarily for newcomers. For us, it's all about them....not us older folks. However, when an A.A. member passes away, we honor him, or her, by attending their traditional funeral service and letting the family know how much they helped us, and what they meant to our sobriety. They are always overjoyed to hear the good that their deceased family member has done in life. And, they never fail to embrace those of us who were part of their lives in A.A. From my experience, that's how we can let their memory live on. Blessings, Mike D.
That's beautiful, Mike D!
www.youtube.com/watch
"I w as to sit quietly w hen in doubt,
asking only for direction a nd strength to me et my
problems as He would have me"
The BigBook, Page13.
Blessings, Mehdi Tehran.
Yo les gens. J'essayais de mettre de côté pour l'acompte d'un scooter d'occasion, mais c'était une éternité. J'ai tenté ma chance en ligne pour accélérer, mais j'ai eu une poisse terrible. J'ai perdu près de 60 euros en petites mises, me sentant idiot et totalement découragé. J'étais sur le point d'abandonner l'idée. J'ai vu une recommandation pour vegas hero casino , notant qu'ils avaient des trucs sympas pour les joueurs en France. J'ai fait un dernier dépôt, un peu plus gros. J'étais tendu, puis j'ai touché une combinaison massive sur un jeu. L'adrénaline était incroyable. Ça a couvert l'acompte d'un coup. C'était un soulagement immense après cette frustration.