Two weeks tonight that I've had a drink. You regualrs know that I drank pretty steady for a long time until now so that's a huge accomplishment for me. Why didn't I do it sooner? I probably wouldn't be facing the problems, challenges and heartaches that I am now if I had. There is really no answer to that question. It's not fair that this has happened to me but no one ever said it woud be fair, right?
I havn't been to a meeting yet but I called today. Actually that was a hard step for me to take for some reason. I hade the phone number dialed in my cell phone for hours before I got up the nerve to hit send. Am I worried about the stigma of being an alcoholic? Am I even an alcoholic? My brother died from alcohol related problems less than a year ago, so I guess it does run in the family huh. Did the alcohol ruin my marriage?, there are other factors as well. I'm trying but she's not... why doesn't she care anymore. These are just some of the questions I'm asking myself.
Anyway, I got to the AA answering service and someone called back fairly quickly. Seemed like a nice guy who was on call but I could barely understand him so I'll have to call back again to find a meeting.
Writing seems to help the pain in my heart a bit though temporarily. I started a blog tonight though not much on it yet.
Thoughts anyone? And thanks again for everyone here, this site, the posts and replys are helping me out greatly!
Doug
Phil said
Dec 2, 2005
Admitting that we are powerless over alcohol,and that our lives had become unmanageable...is a big step Doug...but its a big step also, to a new way of life...and a whole new ball game buddy...
Keep going forward our freind..you are not alone..in all this....Noone said it would be easy...but its a one day at a time thing..and its worth it...
Hang tight..and hang tough..
You need to vent....privately...Im here for yu...as the rest of us here are... in any way we can be...re support.... philipld@sympatico.ca
Luv yu Bud!! And WE CARE ABOUT YOU!!
Sick of being sick said
Dec 2, 2005
Sometimes, it is all the pain, that is the only way to get us to bottom. From there, we begin the steps. More than that, it is where we learn to surrender, to give in, to let go, not to our addictions, but to ourselves. We finally realize that first step of totally admiting our powerlessness over our drug(s) of choice, and it becomes the foundation from which we can rebuild our lives.
Doll said
Dec 3, 2005
I know it doesn't sound like much right now, but everything happens when it's time. Make that call back to AA. You will find answers, love and support like you've never known before in those rooms.....You are not alone.
YAY!!! You called...the next step is to walk into the meeting. You can do it!! It took me about 5 trips into the parking lot then fliiping a u turn and driving out again before I actually stopped the car and got out. I guess I thought I might get something by osmosis maybe.
Seriously though, I know how hard it is. Walking into that room will change your life...you will meet people there that just want to care about what's going on with you...that will love you just because you are you. No catch, just unconditional love. Scary HUH?? Remember...YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Admitting that we are powerless over alcohol,and that our lives had become unmanageable...is a big step Doug...but its a big step also, to a new way of life...and a whole new ball game buddy...
Keep going forward our freind..you are not alone..in all this....Noone said it would be easy...but its a one day at a time thing..and its worth it...
Hang tight..and hang tough..
You need to vent....privately...Im here for yu...as the rest of us here are... in any way we can be...re support.... philipld@sympatico.ca
Luv yu Bud!! And WE CARE ABOUT YOU!!
I know it doesn't sound like much right now, but everything happens when it's time. Make that call back to AA. You will find answers, love and support like you've never known before in those rooms.....You are not alone.
Love and Hugs,
Doll
YAY!!! You called...the next step is to walk into the meeting. You can do it!! It took me about 5 trips into the parking lot then fliiping a u turn and driving out again before I actually stopped the car and got out. I guess I thought I might get something by osmosis maybe.
Seriously though, I know how hard it is. Walking into that room will change your life...you will meet people there that just want to care about what's going on with you...that will love you just because you are you. No catch, just unconditional love. Scary HUH?? Remember...YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Love, cheri