Why Forgiveness is so Hard?  And how  we can change?  Human behavior that suggests that people are “hard-wired" to experience ruptured relational bonds, psychological distance, physiological arousal, and the desire to retaliate when they have been hurt by another person.  Our pride or self-esteem is injured. Our expectations or dreams are disappointed.  We lose something very valuable to us.  We want recompense for the damages.

 
 But there are other resistances which block our motivation to forgive......
  1. Automatic thoughts or beliefs: What automatic thoughts or beliefs do we have that would impede us from forgiving others?  We tell ourselves, "I won't forgive because he/she never accepts responsibility for what he/she does" or  "I would be a hypocrite if I forgave because I do not feel like forgiving" or  "Forgiving is only for weak people". 

 2. Explanations for behavior: When someone hurts us or lets us down....how do we generally explain his/her behavior?  We Tend to assign internal causes for behavior to others: personality or character traits:
   “He’s just so forgetful or careless”    “She doesn’t appreciate me” “She did that purposefully”     We judge them harshly.
  When we do something wrong or hurtful/disappointing...how do we generally explain our behavior?  We tend to excuse our own behavior by attributing external causes:   “My child made a mess”   “There was a car accident on the highway.”  We tend to let ourselves off the hook and give ourselves permission to fail.

This is called the Fundamental Attribution Error...when we assign total
responsibility/blame to others/spouses for their behavior while explaining away our own negative actions in terms of situational factors.

Understanding and accepting the error  does not relieve offending people of moral responsibility.  The goal is to promote empathy and forgiveness and look more realistically at the hurtful events from their point of view... "Love always hopes, always trusts...: “one can never know the precise causes of a
person's/spouse’s hurtful behavior... 

3. Lack of empathy (empathy is the psychological highway to forgive others) for others.... 
We need to develop empathy for others by beginning to change the way of thinking we have about people’s actions to a more empathic view which is, "One can never know the precise causes of another person's behavior".

When have you been able to have empathy for someone who has hurt you?  Ask  yourself “do I want things bitter or better?”  Recall when you have needed forgiveness.... 

Don't let resentment imprison you for life....it will destroy you.   "To forgive is to set the prisoner free...and to discover that the prisoner was you." 
Let go of the pain. 

Trust, in a practical sense, means that you place confidence in someone to be honest with you, faithful to you, keep promises, vows and confidences and not abandon you. Here are some factors to consider about trust. Trusting another person requires a realistic perspective about people and an expectation of failure. Trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive and grows best in an environment of acceptance and love.

There's no magic machine, you don't put in a quarter and out drops a can of trust -- trust grows over time. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity and the ability to change and to grow in trust and truthfulness. You can rebuild trust in broken relationships when you make a choice to do so with the supernatural help of God.

Adjust your expectations

People are human, frail, and sinful. Therefore, you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person's character, needs, motivations and fears.

Unconditional love develops trust because as you express this kind of love towards someone -- generally he or she will sense your acceptance and feel comfortable to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings. Unconditional love actually builds self-esteem in others and alleviates
their fears of rejection. People learn that they can be authentic with you about their feelings, opinions, and failures. The result is a growing trust in the other person. Not because that person is perfect but because that person is growing in honesty.

Unconditional love is patient and kind

It is not self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs. When love is not patient or enduring; when love is unforgiving and always disappointed or looking for something to go wrong, it generates fear and looks for imperfections in the other person. Fear-based love is conditional creating an atmosphere of distrust, dishonesty and instability.

You can have a limited trust in people as you grow to know them and they see you really care about them but the fact is that people will let us down. That is reality. Obviously, when someone has broken their vows and been unfaithful, has lied or been dishonest in the relationship, they need to change. You can make some requests for change and take the risk of starting over again.

Take a look at yourself as well

You will never be perfect and therefore, you will probably disappoint your loved one as well. You can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep your promises or (you name it) but since you are human you will also make mistakes and disappoint that person. The only thing you or your loved one can promise is to grow, to seek God and ask Him for strength to change. Then you and your loved one will become more trustworthy in your relationships, though you will never be perfect.

Every human relationship will suffer hurt. Thus, we all need to become better forgivers and confessors. That ability to reconcile and spirit of humbleness will prove the depth of your love and commitment.

The components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust. Commitment and honesty provide accountability to one another.