life is kicking me in the butt...but its prayer over 20 proof
rosie light shines said
Nov 15, 2005
Hope for Today - November 15
When I heard "Let Go and Let God" for the first time, it didn't make sense to me. Let go of what? And let God do what? The little I did understand was the futility of my efforts to try to control other people, places, and things. Al-Anon told me I could turn my attention to monitoring myself and my reactions. I let go of other people and I began to feel some relief. I let go of what others said or didn't say, and what they did or didn't do. I let go of my expectations. I no longer felt a need to be a people- pleaser. I began to take more responsibility for myself. I figured if I could accept myself, I could accept other people, too.
#####ROSIE....yeah, to ME it sounded like defeat....giving up.....the letting go i understood, "let go of what you are powerless over"....but letting God, was my challenge...my distrust, trust issues in general...this was going to be tough....but i knew i had to.......i knew it was futile to try to control events/ people/ things......and i too, have to monitor myself and how i am reacting to situation......sometimes i have to be forced to let go, i mean i'l fight things until i am crying, but when i throw up my hands and cry , there is a release......for instance!!!! from my brother pulling his drunk/ suicide crap.....my grand niece telling me to f*** off, get out of her life , to stuff breaking down in the house, to the dogs pooping on the carpet parts, NOT the linoleum parts.....business slow at work, (now seems to be picking up), but the threat of closing up was there.....to my favorite cousin getting hit by a car and he is still in coma....i mean i have had more crap handed to me than carter has pills......and here i am trying to *stay even* with all the disasters....stuff breaking.....water faucets messing up late at night and i am forced to fix cuz i can't let my hot water leak out and use up my hot water............stuff not working....computers at work going down....i messed up my shin, almost falling off a ladder.....losing stuff....it has been been just a steady stream and here i am TRYING to *detach* *let go let God*....prayer/ asking myself what is the message here???? ...... and so TODAY, after 3 days of SUPER duper protection prayer where i am burning my candles and praying for the light of Jesus over me and praying to my HP to please let me live accordingly to what was PLANNED for me , thy will, not mine.......this am, i get up late!!!! i cut my ear trimming my hair....i am running late to get to work...i get to my bank and they printed my deposit tickets all wrong, so no deposit tickets.....i go out to the truck and my right brake lights/turn signal is out, and i cannot find the Xtra bulbs i bought just for this event, so i tear the truck apart looking for the bulbs, and i just could NOT find them.....so after that...i got into the truck, sat in the cab, and i threw up my hands, and i cried!!!!! i just told my HP, i can't take this *pick pick pick pick* stuff anymore... and i cried!!! i called my friend cuz there was NO auto zone near me so he tells me "go to wall mart"....i do, and they can't find MY lights!!! they have everyone ELSES, but not mine.....i said to hell with it, i'll go to dealer and "suck it up" pay through the nose, but i just wanted to be DONE with this.....the guy in wall mart finally finds my lights, and i know he felt sorry for me, cuz he walked out with me and put my bulbs in for me......i thought "what a sweetheart"...i told him not to do it if he was going to get into trouble and he said it was ok.......i got in the truck and i felt like something maybe released..like maybe crying, caused me to release....this has been building!!!! the steady dripping on me building up....you know how in torture camps they would drip water on someone's forhead...well the first several drops don't really bother you, annoy, but not hurt, but after a while???? i felt like that *dripping* was a jack hammer on my forhead....just one thing after another......so today, i am just going to TRY and quiet down.....STOP and breathe, cuz i don't know WHEN this crap is gonna stop.....so i am just going to just keep up the prayer work.....instead of the old way of cursing my karma, instead of getting angry at life/ at God, i am gonna keep UP the protections/ surrender prayers.......i am going to fight fire with fire!!!!!! the demons want to harrass me??? i'll harrass them with the word and the name and the blood and this program !!!!! i must have made them mad doing my heave prayer sessions these past few days, cuz they really harrassed me today!!! but instead of blaming God/ life, i just had my cry...threw up my hands in surrender to God.....and invoked my hp to intercede for me!!!! i felt myself cleansed after my cry......its that *helpless* feeling i get when stuff just goes one thing after another....and NObody to hold me/ share with me/ comfort me....its hard alone!!! its REAL hard trying to cope with life alone......so i am going to focus MORE on steps 3 and 11, and MAKE myself give this up!!!!!!!!! i know i can't do it w/out my HP, the universe!!!! i just can't!!!!! i kinda feel better after my cry!!!! ...............
I let go of outcomes. It was okay if things didn't go the way I envisioned. Sometimes the results were better than I anticipated. It was no longer important that others read the script that my expectations had written. As I let go, I learned I could let God. "Letting God" doesn't mean I abdicate my responsibilities. In fact, I become more accountable for myself. "Letting God" indicates that I accept my imperfections and grow toward the person I dream I can be. "Letting go and letting God" means I can enjoy being responsible for what is rightfully mine and leave the rest to God. Thought for the Day "Let go" comes before "let God" for a reason. I can't expect God to do anything if I am still holding onto my problem. "When we put this slogan to work, we get out of the way." *How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics*, p. 76 ----------
#######ROSIE....well thngs are NOT gong the way i had hoped, that is for sure...so i am going to MAKE myself let go, and its a struggle...inner fears of helplessness/being out of contro/things spinning out of control.......and outter forces using that against me cuz they know that is my weakness.....but i have to i MUST change my old patterns of not being able to just COMPLETELY let go!!!!!! i accept my imperfections and weaknesses..i accept that i am POWERLESS over sooo many things.....how i WANT to get it go and dump it on God, when i know i have done all i can......i want SO bad to be able to *do my part* and be ABLE to leave it to God....this not being able to/ being afraid to trust is killing me!!!!! its like how i work this program.......pushing/ and fighting and forcing the issue, cuz i am afraid if i don't..i won't heal/ recover....when ALL i got to do is DO my part......let God do the rest......so my practice session is DISCIPLINE.......doing this in *moderation*......going to bed at a set time......excercising on a schedule.....having a STRUCTURE in my life.....with discipline....and letting the rest go.......and this is the *kicker*.....if only i could just , after i have done all i can, *get out of the way....take my CLENCHED hands off* and give it over, i would probably have much better peace......i think i do a bit better, but boy!!!! i got a ways to go on this one.....and its ALL about trust for me!!!!!!! last night i prayed to infinite spirit to HELP me trust.....cuz i am POWERLESS.......sorry for the long post.....didn't mean to get carried away..........i am NOT gonna let the darkness push me to get drunk!!!!!!! i'll pray till i am worn out, cuz i know the negative forces HATE that!!!!!! ....ROSIE
Phil said
Nov 15, 2005
Life kicking you in the butt Rosie? Butt bruised? A soft cushion helps.:)
And yup. Letting Go...helps too... You have a good day.
buckeyebear said
Nov 15, 2005
Hi I'm new and agree prayer is the best, but also you can call an AA member and talk...THat also helps a lot,,,,I still have a tough time calling my spounser when I should,,,getting better at it but still need to pick the phone up and talk instead of overloading my self until I'm about ready to break,,,and I just can't afford to have that line break again,,,Thanks and hope things get a lot better for you..
Doll said
Nov 15, 2005
Admitting and accepting defeat is the only way this gal knows how to stay sober and work the 12 Steps.
Hope for Today - November 15
When I heard "Let Go and Let God" for the first time, it didn't make sense to me. Let go of what? And let God do what? The little I did understand was the futility of my efforts to try to control other people, places, and things. Al-Anon told me I could turn my attention to monitoring myself and my reactions. I let go of other people and I began to feel some relief. I let go of what others said or didn't say, and what they did or didn't do. I let go of my expectations. I no longer felt a need to be a people- pleaser. I began to take more responsibility for myself. I figured if I could accept myself, I could accept other people, too.
#####ROSIE....yeah, to ME it sounded like defeat....giving up.....the letting go i understood, "let go of what you are powerless over"....but letting God, was my challenge...my distrust, trust issues in general...this was going to be tough....but i knew i had to.......i knew it was futile to try to control events/ people/ things......and i too, have to monitor myself and how i am reacting to situation......sometimes i have to be forced to let go, i mean i'l fight things until i am crying, but when i throw up my hands and cry , there is a release......for instance!!!! from my brother pulling his drunk/ suicide crap.....my grand niece telling me to f*** off, get out of her life , to stuff breaking down in the house, to the dogs pooping on the carpet parts, NOT the linoleum parts.....business slow at work, (now seems to be picking up), but the threat of closing up was there.....to my favorite cousin getting hit by a car and he is still in coma....i mean i have had more crap handed to me than carter has pills......and here i am trying to *stay even* with all the disasters....stuff breaking.....water faucets messing up late at night and i am forced to fix cuz i can't let my hot water leak out and use up my hot water............stuff not working....computers at work going down....i messed up my shin, almost falling off a ladder.....losing stuff....it has been been just a steady stream and here i am TRYING to *detach* *let go let God*....prayer/ asking myself what is the message here???? ...... and so TODAY, after 3 days of SUPER duper protection prayer where i am burning my candles and praying for the light of Jesus over me and praying to my HP to please let me live accordingly to what was PLANNED for me , thy will, not mine.......this am, i get up late!!!! i cut my ear trimming my hair....i am running late to get to work...i get to my bank and they printed my deposit tickets all wrong, so no deposit tickets.....i go out to the truck and my right brake lights/turn signal is out, and i cannot find the Xtra bulbs i bought just for this event, so i tear the truck apart looking for the bulbs, and i just could NOT find them.....so after that...i got into the truck, sat in the cab, and i threw up my hands, and i cried!!!!! i just told my HP, i can't take this *pick pick pick pick* stuff anymore... and i cried!!! i called my friend cuz there was NO auto zone near me so he tells me "go to wall mart"....i do, and they can't find MY lights!!! they have everyone ELSES, but not mine.....i said to hell with it, i'll go to dealer and "suck it up" pay through the nose, but i just wanted to be DONE with this.....the guy in wall mart finally finds my lights, and i know he felt sorry for me, cuz he walked out with me and put my bulbs in for me......i thought "what a sweetheart"...i told him not to do it if he was going to get into trouble and he said it was ok.......i got in the truck and i felt like something maybe released..like maybe crying, caused me to release....this has been building!!!! the steady dripping on me building up....you know how in torture camps they would drip water on someone's forhead...well the first several drops don't really bother you, annoy, but not hurt, but after a while???? i felt like that *dripping* was a jack hammer on my forhead....just one thing after another......so today, i am just going to TRY and quiet down.....STOP and breathe, cuz i don't know WHEN this crap is gonna stop.....so i am just going to just keep up the prayer work.....instead of the old way of cursing my karma, instead of getting angry at life/ at God, i am gonna keep UP the protections/ surrender prayers.......i am going to fight fire with fire!!!!!! the demons want to harrass me??? i'll harrass them with the word and the name and the blood and this program !!!!! i must have made them mad doing my heave prayer sessions these past few days, cuz they really harrassed me today!!! but instead of blaming God/ life, i just had my cry...threw up my hands in surrender to God.....and invoked my hp to intercede for me!!!! i felt myself cleansed after my cry......its that *helpless* feeling i get when stuff just goes one thing after another....and NObody to hold me/ share with me/ comfort me....its hard alone!!! its REAL hard trying to cope with life alone......so i am going to focus MORE on steps 3 and 11, and MAKE myself give this up!!!!!!!!! i know i can't do it w/out my HP, the universe!!!! i just can't!!!!! i kinda feel better after my cry!!!! ...............
I let go of outcomes. It was okay if things didn't go the way I envisioned. Sometimes the results were better than I anticipated. It was no longer important that others read the script that my expectations had written. As I let go, I learned I could let God. "Letting God" doesn't mean I abdicate my responsibilities. In fact, I become more accountable for myself. "Letting God" indicates that I accept my imperfections and grow toward the person I dream I can be. "Letting go and letting God" means I can enjoy being responsible for what is rightfully mine and leave the rest to God. Thought for the Day "Let go" comes before "let God" for a reason. I can't expect God to do anything if I am still holding onto my problem. "When we put this slogan to work, we get out of the way." *How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics*, p. 76 ----------
#######ROSIE....well thngs are NOT gong the way i had hoped, that is for sure...so i am going to MAKE myself let go, and its a struggle...inner fears of helplessness/being out of contro/things spinning out of control.......and outter forces using that against me cuz they know that is my weakness.....but i have to i MUST change my old patterns of not being able to just COMPLETELY let go!!!!!! i accept my imperfections and weaknesses..i accept that i am POWERLESS over sooo many things.....how i WANT to get it go and dump it on God, when i know i have done all i can......i want SO bad to be able to *do my part* and be ABLE to leave it to God....this not being able to/ being afraid to trust is killing me!!!!! its like how i work this program.......pushing/ and fighting and forcing the issue, cuz i am afraid if i don't..i won't heal/ recover....when ALL i got to do is DO my part......let God do the rest......so my practice session is DISCIPLINE.......doing this in *moderation*......going to bed at a set time......excercising on a schedule.....having a STRUCTURE in my life.....with discipline....and letting the rest go.......and this is the *kicker*.....if only i could just , after i have done all i can, *get out of the way....take my CLENCHED hands off* and give it over, i would probably have much better peace......i think i do a bit better, but boy!!!! i got a ways to go on this one.....and its ALL about trust for me!!!!!!! last night i prayed to infinite spirit to HELP me trust.....cuz i am POWERLESS.......sorry for the long post.....didn't mean to get carried away..........i am NOT gonna let the darkness push me to get drunk!!!!!!! i'll pray till i am worn out, cuz i know the negative forces HATE that!!!!!! ....ROSIE
Life kicking you in the butt Rosie? Butt bruised? A soft cushion helps.:)
And yup. Letting Go...helps too... You have a good day.
Admitting and accepting defeat is the only way this gal knows how to stay sober and work the 12 Steps.
Good post, Rosie, thanks!
Doll