i made a promise to myself that i was going to a meeting today...no matter what

i talked to a fellow member last night and we agreed to meet at the meeting....so i called the next morning to confirm...found out there was no meeting. Our detox here is apparently putting in new windows...so no meetings there for the next couple of days.

ok i said...guess i'll do laundry then....

oh but wait theres a noon meeting, Great!!! meet ya there.

First off i ran in to someone i used to use with, wow flooded with memories, and not good ones...

Topic of thew meeting was love...well the only real true love affair i've ever had was with people, places and things that weren't good for me....but i must love myself somewhat cause i've choosen to recover, and i got my ass to a meeting!

ok so now i have an hour to kill after the meeting and no sense bussin' back home cause i have to go to work...so...i go to the mall. Now, before i left home i stuck a couple of resumes in my backpack...been thinking of a second job for more cash..

i drop one off at a muffin joint, they are already asking me what hours i am available...

go across the food court to another posted help wanted sign....and drop off a second resume...ok so i'm thinking i'll grab a coffee and wait out till i have to go to work, next thing i know this guy is chasing me down the mall and his boss wants to talk to me. It was the second resume i had dropped off.

long story short...oh its already long...lol..anyways...i now work from 10-3 ( she wanted me to work 10-6 but i'm not quitting the job i already have....) monday to friday!

Turns out this woman knows my sister and recognized her name on my resume...small word as they knew eachother from a different city...wow

i'm not sure if i can handle working that much!!!! i just wanted a couple of lunch times a couple of days a week....but seems like i was served a platter instead of an appetizer...

i will still have sundays off to myself.  I'll see how it goes i guess.

oh and in between all of this i'm going to try to study for my class 4,3 and 2. I want to be a bus driver!!! fancy that??!

ok so that was the first part of my day....i think you's already know that i work in a personal care home...well one of our ladies passed on today...she was one of the cutest little old ladies i've ever known. Spunky and full of fun. She had oneliners like you wouldn't believe, she always made us smile. She was 92 years old!! i held her hand through her last breathes. The last thing she said to me was thankyou ...after i told her that G*d loves her. She will surely be missed.

so my eyes are sore and red from crying and i've really had a full day. Ya know? we come into this world alone and we go out alone. that much is for certain. That meeting topic today...love. such a small word with so much meaning. Its gotta start within.

i stayed clean and sober today, i'm grateful

its good to be alive

big hugs, Wendy

Hey Girl

Be careful--Don't overwhelm with too much work.  EAST DOES IT!!  Been there-- I work for myself.  One minute I want more, the next I'm 100 feet under water trying to swim up.  Just ME. A place I'm trying to stay out of.  Were all different, but u made me think. My daughter is a nurse in a old folks home and has held lots of hands and stayed overtime free to do it. Your a special person !! GOD will take care of you.

Your friend Rick

Wendy , Let me say I wrote a reply and then my cursor disappeared so I had to shut it down. I don't know how else to get it back.

Anyway, just reading your post made me so tired and I just got up. Oh, to be young again, and I don't consider myself old, just 50. As Rick said you are a very special young lady, the care home is so fortunate to have you working there.It takes someone with a big heart to do that work, the little lady sounded like one of the sweet ones, you were blessed to know her.I know some can be difficult.

Rick is a wise man. You know we can sometimes develop other "isms" , and workaholism is one of them. You will know if it gets to be to much. If it starts to get in the way of recovery, meetings, working the steps...

Your right , today is a great day to be alive.

I think I'll do something special for my Mom. I would never put her in a care home, unless she were totally helpless and then only if I just couldn't manage. She is getting frailer, she is one of the more diffucult ones, it's her way or no way. So we never have a dull moment. She hates this computer, thinks it's evil and sure it uses too much electricity. But I'm glad I have it so when I need a break I can check in on all of you.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and stay sober. That's my first priority today.God bless you Wendy.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

good morning

emotional hangovers are JUST about as bad as an alcohol hangover.....talk about a rollercoaster!!!!

If my higher Power is at work and wants me to work then i guess i'm workin'! Thanks Rick and Gammy for your replies. I will be careful.

Too much electricity Gammy?! lol

Sitting there with Margaret last night took me back to sitting with my grandma. I loved her as much as i do the sun today, that was back in 1985. The minute she passed i went crying out into the hallway in the hospital and the song "the Rose" by Bette Midler was playing. I'll never forget it.

I guess maybe there is a purpose for me on this earth besides sobriety and my girls. I know lots of people couldn't do my job. I'm happy to be there for them.

I have one more evening to work and i get a day off tomorrow. I 'm going to try to get to a couple of meetings. Catch up on my mountain of laundry and make a nice dinner for my girls. Lol did i say i had a day off???

i'm ok today, as ok as can be expected anyways. I'm staying sober

i have to much to do to drink...piss it away

"The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.

hugs, Wendy