Habit sometimes locks us into relationships, which are not in our best interest. It is easy to mistake dependency for love. When we stop overeating compulsively, we can evaluate our attachments to other people with greater clarity and perception than was possible when we continually escaped into food.
#####ROSIE.....oh for me, as a child, i was forced...than i carried that being a victim in my "free life".....i got into one bad relationship after another....like so many ships in the night...they would "drop anchor" in my life, harm me, and than "sail off into the sunset" either becuz i got rid of them..or they dumped me!!! either way.....my life was a revolving door for bad relationships....than i went the OTHER way....i shut EVERYONE out!!!! the drawbridges were up....the moat was filled with aligators....NOone was getting in!!!! i was alone!!! and i was becomming more and more bitter and more and more despairing because i had NO company, and because i hated me so much, the company i DID have , i did not get along with........yep, i was gonna break my habit of abusive relationships by wrapping layer upon layer of barb wire around my heart.......when i got into recovery, and began to work on ME...my relationship with Me....with God...with Life...slowly AS i learned to love/ take care of me....this negative pattern of attracting bad relationships OR allowing the *keepers* to cross my boundaries/ be abusive, STOPPED!!!!! i get tested every now and than, but AS i prove to my inner child/ me that i am NOT going to allow/ associate with ANY abuse/ destructive behaviour, its like there is a sign on my head now!!!! "we do not serve abusers".....i don't attract them anymore....i attract way better relationships now.....
Our OA friends act as sounding boards for us as we try to sort out the healthy from the unhealthy relationships in our lives. We may find that for our continued growth we need to move away from old emotional entanglements, which are hampering our progress with the program. Abstaining from a harmful relationship can be as difficult at first as abstaining from compulsive overeating! The same physical restraint is necessary to keep ourselves from following old habit patterns.By taking Step Three, we make all of our relationships with other people subject to the will of our Higher Power. When God comes first, other loves fall into their proper places.....Show me how to love.
#######ROSIE....i go to meets/ share on boards...talk with sponser....and my fellowship with fellow *12Steppers* and i stay level....i read/ listen to their shares, and i keep myself balanced....as i manage / overcome codependency i am becomming less and less afraid to "let the good ones in" because i trust in my HP and me to use *discernment*.......abstaining from the negative patterns i grew to protect me from complete destruction......i have a grand niece who has a BAAAD anger problem....she has the temper of a bull moose in rutting season--she "went off" at me for NO reason, and i shut her down!!! told her "IF you want a relationship with me, you are going to have to throw OUT that abusive anger of yours, because A--i dont' do it to people....B--i don't associate with it..there is NO room for that destructive behaviour in my life".......she has YET to call me/ make amends...instead , i get this email ( so personal right??) from her *justifying* her anger outburst at me.....i just wrote her back and said that my positition stands....i will NOT allow abuse in my life and i am prepared/ have accepted for the fact that i will let her GO, rather than let her *slam my serenity* .....i worked TOO danged hard to get where i am at...went through TOO much abuse B4, and i am NOT letting ANYone derail my recovery!!!!! ...yes, i use steps 1,2,3...i am powerless over other people's negative stuff, but i CAN either *wallow in it* and be miserable?? OR i can remove myself from it....set boundaries....take care of me..... oh i can FORGIVE her , IF she wants to make amends...but i forgive WITH boundaries........and yep, i know i may have to "let her go" "keep my distance"..but i also trust in my HP, that when a door closes (becuz i did the right thing by me) another, better door will open.....really, i look at it this way..there are TWO options here!!!!! #1... i can KEEP the abuser (out of my former fears of abandonment), LOSE my recovery, possibly still end up alone and MINUS my recovery................OR, #2 , i can let GO the abuser, KEEP my recovery, end up alone, however i am alone and WITH my recovery.........so which scenario is the better?????? now?? #2 wins by a "knockout".......thank you DONE
Phil said
Oct 25, 2005
True love is like cheese--it gets better with age.
The rest of it? stay the hell away from runaway turnip trucks, carrying rotton turnips.
All I got, Rosie.:)
Hanuman said
Oct 25, 2005
"Blessed are the Cheesemakers" - Monty Python's Life of Brian
Abstaining from Harmful Relationships
Habit sometimes locks us into relationships, which are not in our best interest. It is easy to mistake dependency for love. When we stop overeating compulsively, we can evaluate our attachments to other people with greater clarity and perception than was possible when we continually escaped into food.
#####ROSIE.....oh for me, as a child, i was forced...than i carried that being a victim in my "free life".....i got into one bad relationship after another....like so many ships in the night...they would "drop anchor" in my life, harm me, and than "sail off into the sunset" either becuz i got rid of them..or they dumped me!!! either way.....my life was a revolving door for bad relationships....than i went the OTHER way....i shut EVERYONE out!!!! the drawbridges were up....the moat was filled with aligators....NOone was getting in!!!! i was alone!!! and i was becomming more and more bitter and more and more despairing because i had NO company, and because i hated me so much, the company i DID have , i did not get along with........yep, i was gonna break my habit of abusive relationships by wrapping layer upon layer of barb wire around my heart.......when i got into recovery, and began to work on ME...my relationship with Me....with God...with Life...slowly AS i learned to love/ take care of me....this negative pattern of attracting bad relationships OR allowing the *keepers* to cross my boundaries/ be abusive, STOPPED!!!!! i get tested every now and than, but AS i prove to my inner child/ me that i am NOT going to allow/ associate with ANY abuse/ destructive behaviour, its like there is a sign on my head now!!!! "we do not serve abusers".....i don't attract them anymore....i attract way better relationships now.....
Our OA friends act as sounding boards for us as we try to sort out the healthy from the unhealthy relationships in our lives. We may find that for our continued growth we need to move away from old emotional entanglements, which are hampering our progress with the program. Abstaining from a harmful relationship can be as difficult at first as abstaining from compulsive overeating! The same physical restraint is necessary to keep ourselves from following old habit patterns.By taking Step Three, we make all of our relationships with other people subject to the will of our Higher Power. When God comes first, other loves fall into their proper places.....Show me how to love.
#######ROSIE....i go to meets/ share on boards...talk with sponser....and my fellowship with fellow *12Steppers* and i stay level....i read/ listen to their shares, and i keep myself balanced....as i manage / overcome codependency i am becomming less and less afraid to "let the good ones in" because i trust in my HP and me to use *discernment*.......abstaining from the negative patterns i grew to protect me from complete destruction......i have a grand niece who has a BAAAD anger problem....she has the temper of a bull moose in rutting season--she "went off" at me for NO reason, and i shut her down!!! told her "IF you want a relationship with me, you are going to have to throw OUT that abusive anger of yours, because A--i dont' do it to people....B--i don't associate with it..there is NO room for that destructive behaviour in my life".......she has YET to call me/ make amends...instead , i get this email ( so personal right??) from her *justifying* her anger outburst at me.....i just wrote her back and said that my positition stands....i will NOT allow abuse in my life and i am prepared/ have accepted for the fact that i will let her GO, rather than let her *slam my serenity* .....i worked TOO danged hard to get where i am at...went through TOO much abuse B4, and i am NOT letting ANYone derail my recovery!!!!! ...yes, i use steps 1,2,3...i am powerless over other people's negative stuff, but i CAN either *wallow in it* and be miserable?? OR i can remove myself from it....set boundaries....take care of me..... oh i can FORGIVE her , IF she wants to make amends...but i forgive WITH boundaries........and yep, i know i may have to "let her go" "keep my distance"..but i also trust in my HP, that when a door closes (becuz i did the right thing by me) another, better door will open.....really, i look at it this way..there are TWO options here!!!!! #1... i can KEEP the abuser (out of my former fears of abandonment), LOSE my recovery, possibly still end up alone and MINUS my recovery................OR, #2 , i can let GO the abuser, KEEP my recovery, end up alone, however i am alone and WITH my recovery.........so which scenario is the better?????? now?? #2 wins by a "knockout".......thank you DONE
True love is like cheese--it gets better with age.
The rest of it? stay the hell away from runaway turnip trucks, carrying rotton turnips.
All I got, Rosie.:)