What's a codependent? The answer's easy. They're some of the most loving, caring people I know. --Beyond Codependency
We don't need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what's wrong is a core issue in our codependency.
Honestly, fearlessly, ask: "What's right with me? What are my good points?"
"Am I a loving, caring, nurturing person?" We may have neglected to love ourselves in the process of caring for others, but nurturing is an asset.
"Is there something I do particularly well?" "Do I have a strong faith?" "Am I good at being there for others?" "Am I good as part of a team, or as a leader?" "Do I have a way with words or with emotions?"
"Do I have a sense of humor?" "Do I brighten people up?" "Am I good at comforting others?" "Do I have an ability to make something good out of barely nothing at all?" "Do I see the best in people?"
These are character assets. We may have gone to an extreme with these, but that's okay. We are now on our way to finding balance.
Recovery is not about eliminating our personality. Recovery aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives. We all have assets; we only need to focus on them, empower them, and draw them out in ourselves.
Codependents are some of the most loving, caring people around. Now, we're learning to give some of that concern and nurturing to ourselves.
Today, I will focus on what's right about me. I will give myself some of the caring I've extended to the world.
Donnamaria said
Oct 19, 2005
thank you, I needed to read this piece of thread. Been told I'm a people pleaser , I need to focus on myself, I actually thought that would make me a conceded person and thought it was selfish. But I was wrong, it's not being conceded, after many years of abuse and verbal abuse (I say phsical abuse scars the body, verbal abuse scars the soul) I need to find my good points, just recently I started back to school, really thought I would be to stupid and fail, but every test is coming back with high scores. For the first time in my life I realized I'm not stupid, when I expressed this with a group memeber he replied " your the last one to know this." So thank you Phil you have given me more things to look at, about myself. I guess it's another new start for me, some thing for me to do in my evening meditation and prayer, think of the good things instead of worrying about the bad, thank you again.
have a good day and god bless
Phil said
Oct 19, 2005
Changing old patterns of thinking, and doing, takes time. Healing takes time. Getting self esteem, and some confidence in ourselves again, takes time. Looking at all the positives, instead of the negatives(that we are used to doing) takes time.
Getting used to good stuff is new territory--not used to it.:)
Going backwards, is easier than going forward--but forward we must eh? Forward we must.
You have a great day!!
Phil said
Oct 19, 2005
Part of Step Ten:
When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion--anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now. Our inventory enables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we are really able to leave it behind us. When our inventory is carefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves, the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can be met as they come.
rosie light shines said
Oct 21, 2005
OMG , phil!!! this is SOO awsome!! as a recovering coda as well, i can really appreciate this......when i first did step 4, all i saw was the negative...like i thought i was "too screwed up to fix" i almost lost hope.......
than i re-visited step 4, over and over.....soul searching...and low and behold, i began to find the GOOD stuff.....
i am 1/2 cherokee, and we indians beleve there are 2 wolves in us....1-postive 1-negative.....the one i FEED the most is the one who is gonna grow the biggest.....i am feeding the "positive" wolf now much more.......i know i most likely won't get rid of all my negatives, but i CAN learn to manage them/ distance me from them.........
thanks for this, this was very encouraging for me, a recovering coda who drank too much to escape herself and her pain............rosie
Our Good Points
We don't need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what's wrong is a core issue in our codependency.
Honestly, fearlessly, ask: "What's right with me? What are my good points?"
"Am I a loving, caring, nurturing person?" We may have neglected to love ourselves in the process of caring for others, but nurturing is an asset.
"Is there something I do particularly well?" "Do I have a strong faith?" "Am I good at being there for others?" "Am I good as part of a team, or as a leader?" "Do I have a way with words or with emotions?"
"Do I have a sense of humor?" "Do I brighten people up?" "Am I good at comforting others?" "Do I have an ability to make something good out of barely nothing at all?" "Do I see the best in people?"
These are character assets. We may have gone to an extreme with these, but that's okay. We are now on our way to finding balance.
Recovery is not about eliminating our personality. Recovery aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives. We all have assets; we only need to focus on them, empower them, and draw them out in ourselves.
Codependents are some of the most loving, caring people around. Now, we're learning to give some of that concern and nurturing to ourselves.
Today, I will focus on what's right about me. I will give myself some of the caring I've extended to the world.
thank you, I needed to read this piece of thread. Been told I'm a people pleaser , I need to focus on myself, I actually thought that would make me a conceded person and thought it was selfish. But I was wrong, it's not being conceded, after many years of abuse and verbal abuse (I say phsical abuse scars the body, verbal abuse scars the soul) I need to find my good points, just recently I started back to school, really thought I would be to stupid and fail, but every test is coming back with high scores. For the first time in my life I realized I'm not stupid, when I expressed this with a group memeber he replied " your the last one to know this." So thank you Phil you have given me more things to look at, about myself. I guess it's another new start for me, some thing for me to do in my evening meditation and prayer, think of the good things instead of worrying about the bad, thank you again.
have a good day and god bless
Changing old patterns of thinking, and doing, takes time. Healing takes time. Getting self esteem, and some confidence in ourselves again, takes time. Looking at all the positives, instead of the negatives(that we are used to doing) takes time.
Getting used to good stuff is new territory--not used to it.:)
Going backwards, is easier than going forward--but forward we must eh? Forward we must.
You have a great day!!
Part of Step Ten:
When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion--anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now. Our inventory enables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we are really able to leave it behind us. When our inventory is carefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves, the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can be met as they come.
OMG , phil!!! this is SOO awsome!! as a recovering coda as well, i can really appreciate this......when i first did step 4, all i saw was the negative...like i thought i was "too screwed up to fix" i almost lost hope.......
than i re-visited step 4, over and over.....soul searching...and low and behold, i began to find the GOOD stuff.....
i am 1/2 cherokee, and we indians beleve there are 2 wolves in us....1-postive 1-negative.....the one i FEED the most is the one who is gonna grow the biggest.....i am feeding the "positive" wolf now much more.......i know i most likely won't get rid of all my negatives, but i CAN learn to manage them/ distance me from them.........
thanks for this, this was very encouraging for me, a recovering coda who drank too much to escape herself and her pain............rosie