I'm wondering what the qualities of a "good sponsor" are.  I am needing guidance on how to begin working the steps, but the only answer received from the sponsor I have is "I don't give advice". 

I'm not asking for the steps to be done FOR me, I know it doesn't work that way.  But what I am needing is to have it explained to me how to work them for myself.  Was sober for 14 months, relapsed and now thinking that perhaps I need to start over fresh. 

I feel the sponsor I have is standing on the corner waiting for me to reach him when I feel I need someone to walk beside me and guide me to learn just what the heck it is I'm supposed to be doing.  Is this too much to expect from a sponsor? 

I just learned last week at a discussion meeting that writing is suggested on the 4th step.  I did not know this, the steps have not been explained to me, how to work them has not been explained to me.  I feel as if I'm treading water instead of making forward progress.

There's a very good book by Hamilton B. called "Twelve Step Sponsorship, How It Works" This book can be use as a guide for finding a sponsor and can also help a sponsor take a sponsees through the steps. This book can be found in ther recovery, self help section of bookstore or online at Hazelden and at Amazon.com. Good Luck. Bob

-- Edited by cooncatbob at 18:45, 2005-10-16

Welcome FOTB.

As for sponsors, I was told to look for someone who has what I want. It took me 2 months and one relapse to find her, but God finally put her in my path. I watched her and listened when she shared. I talked with her before and after meetings. She has such a peace about her and I knew she was what I wanted. She waits for me to share what I'm facing and how I'm dealing with it, then tells me what step that actually is. She also does not give advice, only suggestions. Honestly, some days I don't know I'm working the steps until I share with her and she tells me I am.

She did however tell me specifically what to do for Step 4, which I was grateful for, otherwise I'd have had a 5000 page novel going on !

Don't know if that helped. You're in my prayers.

Hugs,

Doll

 

FreeOfTheBottle wrote:

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I'm wondering what the qualities of a "good sponsor" are ...

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Here are a few straight from our "sponsor in print":

“To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered ...” (Foreword to First Edition);

“... clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered” (page 29);

“... show the underlying reasons why they were making heavy going of life ... They show how the change came over them” (page 51);

“... others showed us that ‘God-sufficiency’ worked with them ...” (pages 52-53);

“Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree ... Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power” (page 92);

“If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book” (page 94);

“... lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection.  Show him how they worked with you.  Offer him friendship and fellowship.  Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help” (page 95);

“Show [the family] that he has entered upon a period of growth” (page 100);

“... never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution” (page 103;

“Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now” (page 124);

“We have shown how we got out from under” (page 152).

 

 

 

-- Edited by leejosepho at 09:09, 2005-10-17