hey gammy, i got your message,

i've actually been home since late monday night and i've been reading the posts here as a guest

My weekend would have been wonderful if i wouldn't have screwed up

i've been too ashamed to post

i broke everyones hearts

i just read your post Rosie, welcome by the way, and i had a lightbulb moment while reading it

i haven't let myself grieve what used to be, and instead of starting new with my family last weekend i sabotaged it

i sooo want things how they used to be, before i became an addict

i don't think i planned on screwing up, but bottom line is i did

not too fond of myself this week, it's been real tough

i know get back up, dust myself off, and get back on the horse

but hearts are broken...again...because of my choices

i did soo good for a while, 14-15 months, now i can't seem to get back to that either

i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever be ok, or if i';m destined to screw up and hurt others

seems the only thing i'm really good at is screwing up

poor me...poor me, ya i'm sick of that too

what faith was starting to build i squashed

wishing you all a sober 24, and i';ll take one myself

hugs, Wendy

Welcome back Wendy. Im no different from you. We arent perfect. We screw up. We learn. We grow. We are human. We fall down. We go Boom. We dont do things, intentionally to hurt others--sometimes we just do.

Cant undo a single thing we said or did. All we can do-is to make amends where we can, and truck on, with the journey.

We are so good at beating ourselves up hu? :)

Forgive Wendy--and boogie on girl. We try-- and we do our best, for another day.  Hugs

 

-- Edited by Phil at 13:15, 2005-10-14

I can't speak from experience, but I've heard from others who have. 

They say that we never know when we are ready to revisit some of our dangerous places...the places where we were most involved in our old habits. Don't beat yourself up because you weren't ready yet.  I know I have a few of those places myself.

Some of the old timers have told me that it was years before they were safe to visit those old places, be it a bowling alley or the boardwalk at the beach, because they associated them so strongly with their old behavior.  

 

I'm one drink away as well. I've not been putting First Things First as far as getting to meetings. Like you said yourself .. get back on the horse. It's a one day at a time program for all of us. No one is drunk proof. I try to keep as rigorously honest with myself, be open-minded and as humble as I can muster .. daily.

Hi Wendy. Never be ashamed to post. Talking helps to relieve stress, stress leads to drink.

I do agree with the post from Sick of being Sick. My recent relaps was mainly due to the location. Thought I could handle it, I was wrong.

You know the plan, Dont beat yourself too much, pick yourself up etc. It's been a learning experience. LEARN FROM IT! Some phone calls may help too.

Hope you have a great day today Wendy.

Chris.

Glad you're back, Wendy. Hang in there girl.   Like chris said, NEVER be ashamed to post.  I need you here..........

You know how it works, so work it.

 

Love and lots of hugs

Doll

Welcome back, Wendy J

 

Sobriety is so fragile.

 

When I relapsed.  I realized that there are lessons to be learned from it.

 

I tried to learn ‘em, then I moved on….don’t beat yourself up.

 

After all, tomorrow IS another day!

 

Christine

Hey Wendy, I'm so glad you finally posted, I really was beginning to wonder if something terrible had happened to you. As everyone has already said "Don't beat yourself up, and I don't think any of us are going to beat you up either." It was also said don't be afraid to post, it helps when we can be honest, get whatever out of the way and move on. Tomorrow is a new day, a new slate, a beginning. I hope there was some good that came from this trip. How is your Mom? I'm glad you're back. I missed you! (((Hugs))) GammyRose

well gee, thanks. although i don't feel worthy, of friendship, of love...of anything really... but today was a better day

it almost seems now like it was just a bad dream, or more like a nightmare

i just thought i had my shit together, or more together than i really do, could you call that lying by omission??

thats the thing with this nasty addiction, we are never cured. i will never be cured...only ham is cured so they say...

i must quit telling myself that ya ok i'm an addict an alkie and thats what i do, no...thats where i've been not who my spirit is

i'm just so sorry i let everyone down so...

i guess one forgets how FRAGILE sobriety really is, you're right

i took life for granted for so long

if anything i guess it also showed my family that i'm not cured either.

wow location, so right on the money, like i said before i went, its where my addictions started, where i grew up and actually my mom and my sister were a really big part of that. when we got there on saturday morning my sister already was loaded and the house wreaked of pot...talk about triggers.i had told my mom to before i even went there that i didn't want any drinking around ,...just a nice visit....we'll i sure put my 2 cents in. i disappeared for a day and a 1/2

we all hugged before we drove away, they all told me that they love me, that i am important to them.

i had an e-mail from my mom on tuesday, shes very sad, i sent one back and one to my sister, at the bottom i said that i would understand if they didn't want to talk to me for a while. i haven't heard anything back since

well, i stayed sober today. I did stay sober for over a year so i know i have it in me.

i have sunday and monday off work and will try to get to as many meetings as i can

i just want to thank you's from the top, bottom and sides of my heart for being here for me

i've been feeling pretty alone this week.

big bear hugs, Wendy