Hey guys, I need to share a little about a friend who killed himself this week. He was 30 years old, had 3 small children and this awful disease consumed his life.He had gone to treatment, but never was able to get sober, then he started doing drugs.
As I sat next to my daughter and son-in-law yesterday at the funeral, as I looked at his beautiful wife, who is my daughters friend, the grief was overwhelming. Why! Why did I live when I tried to kill myself when I was 15 years old, and why did he die.Why did I finally surrended my will to God, and he died at 30.
I'm sad,I'm hurting...I really didn't want to even share this. It just seems so unbelievable.As I hugged his two beautiful sons at the graveside, there little bodies just limp, there eyes so sad, and there little sister smiling as everyone gave her hugs, because she is still too young to realize why 400 people where at this place, I cried.
I will continue to pray for this family. I will pray that these precious children will not follow in there Daddy's path, that they will not be consumed by the disease of alcoholism. I will pray his widow will grieve in the way she must, but not blame herself for what has happened.I will pray for God's will, I will accept and surrender once again.
I will say the Serenity Prayer more often for the next few days I'm sure and I will stay sober.
Thanks for being here, I care about each and every one of you.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Doll said
Oct 9, 2005
As I sit here with tears, I too wonder why I didn't die on many occasions thru my years of drinking (and drugging). The answer I come up with is it just wasn't meant to be. Same for you Gammy. The good Lord ain't ready for you yet. You still have much unfinished business to take care of here and you are needed here.
Your friends and family are in my prayers.
Thank you, so much, for sharing.
Love and lots of hugs
Doll
rosie light shines said
Oct 9, 2005
gammy....... "Why! Why did I live when I tried to kill myself when I was 15 years old, and why did he die.Why did I finally surrended my will to God, and he died at 30.
rosie.....i asked myself that question MANY times....tried to kill me beginning when i was 12, some more times after that!!! why did i live??? over and over i asked God in anger "why do you make me live, when i HATE my life...i WANT to die....i have no PURPOSE here, but to suffer"
i am glad now he kept me alive so i woudl get into recovery and i would free myself of this bulls*** that my father did to me and drove me to drink to numb my pain......i overcame the evil!!! THAT is why i lived......why do some die??? i don't know....we each have our own life journey.....why some complete suicide and some don't???? i figure i will never understand that so i must just have blind faith in that the universal creator has a reason.......it sucks....but we will know all things when we cross over to the other side.......
gammy i am SOOO sorry your in pain.....really , talk with me in private if you want......HUGS/ rosie
Phil said
Oct 10, 2005
Lost for words with this one Gammy. Know how you feel. Its sad stuff. There was a time when, I had no feelings, or compassion, for others. I guess we can be grateful, that thats changed, and we can become sober, feeling human beings. And yup-it hurts... and theres pain involved. Take care of you my freind, and thanks for being there, for this guy. Hugs.
rosie light shines said
Oct 10, 2005
PHIL....................** I had no feelings, or compassion, for others. I guess we can be grateful, that thats changed, and we can become sober, feeling human beings
ROSIE..............** me either....i look back and it was like i was this **fire gutted* little shack of a building with nothing but burned out timbers holding it up....ZERO inside......i am grateful i got into recovery....getting my life back for the FIRST time.......and now i too, can FEEL....you know in the past, when i was p.o'd, i knew i was alive!!!!! now???? i dare to feel...i want to feel....i DO feel......tears/laughter/joy/sadness/fear/anger/gratitude/excitement over something good now/ a whole range of emotions...positive and negative , but FEELINGS.. i never knew....all i knew was fear/anger.....its amazing how many other feelings there are and that i can *taste* now.......i used to not care about others too......that is all changing in recovery.....i was forced here, my stubborn will, my not being willing to change.....finally the pain got too bad....it was get in here or perhaps complete the next suicide....i am glad i got here...i don't want to carry this karma with me to the next life......noooo , i am dealing with it here!!!! so i will go home *travelling light*........peace rosie
HumbleOne said
Oct 10, 2005
Why did God get me here to AA and not somebody else? I really don't know and I don't question why anymore either. I do know that God has plans for me, what they are, I don't know. If I did know, I may not like them.
I do understand that everything in life today is exactly the way it is suppose to be for this moment in time. And I also understand that God doesn't make any mistakes.
I do know that acceptance is the answer. And accepting my powerlessness and that I don't have control.
God bless,
Harry
cheri said
Oct 10, 2005
Aw, Gammy, I'm so sorry about your friend. I try to remember that the suffering that this person has been through has ended but it's so hard sometimes. These are the times that I really hate the disease.
However, you my friend, are still here and for that I am grateful. You are here for a very special reason...maybe to help those that are left behind to understand that thier father, husband and friend was suffering from a disease that he couldn't overcome, and that they are not to blame. You, who have alanon experience also, could help his wife begin a journey into recovery so that she can raise her children without fear of this happening again.
Hey guys, I need to share a little about a friend who killed himself this week. He was 30 years old, had 3 small children and this awful disease consumed his life.He had gone to treatment, but never was able to get sober, then he started doing drugs.
As I sat next to my daughter and son-in-law yesterday at the funeral, as I looked at his beautiful wife, who is my daughters friend, the grief was overwhelming. Why! Why did I live when I tried to kill myself when I was 15 years old, and why did he die.Why did I finally surrended my will to God, and he died at 30.
I'm sad,I'm hurting...I really didn't want to even share this. It just seems so unbelievable.As I hugged his two beautiful sons at the graveside, there little bodies just limp, there eyes so sad, and there little sister smiling as everyone gave her hugs, because she is still too young to realize why 400 people where at this place, I cried.
I will continue to pray for this family. I will pray that these precious children will not follow in there Daddy's path, that they will not be consumed by the disease of alcoholism. I will pray his widow will grieve in the way she must, but not blame herself for what has happened.I will pray for God's will, I will accept and surrender once again.
I will say the Serenity Prayer more often for the next few days I'm sure and I will stay sober.
Thanks for being here, I care about each and every one of you.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
As I sit here with tears, I too wonder why I didn't die on many occasions thru my years of drinking (and drugging). The answer I come up with is it just wasn't meant to be. Same for you Gammy. The good Lord ain't ready for you yet. You still have much unfinished business to take care of here and you are needed here.
Your friends and family are in my prayers.
Thank you, so much, for sharing.
Love and lots of hugs
Doll
gammy....... "Why! Why did I live when I tried to kill myself when I was 15 years old, and why did he die.Why did I finally surrended my will to God, and he died at 30.
rosie.....i asked myself that question MANY times....tried to kill me beginning when i was 12, some more times after that!!! why did i live??? over and over i asked God in anger "why do you make me live, when i HATE my life...i WANT to die....i have no PURPOSE here, but to suffer"
i am glad now he kept me alive so i woudl get into recovery and i would free myself of this bulls*** that my father did to me and drove me to drink to numb my pain......i overcame the evil!!! THAT is why i lived......why do some die??? i don't know....we each have our own life journey.....why some complete suicide and some don't???? i figure i will never understand that so i must just have blind faith in that the universal creator has a reason.......it sucks....but we will know all things when we cross over to the other side.......
gammy i am SOOO sorry your in pain.....really , talk with me in private if you want......HUGS/ rosie
PHIL....................** I had no feelings, or compassion, for others. I guess we can be grateful, that thats changed, and we can become sober, feeling human beings
ROSIE..............** me either....i look back and it was like i was this **fire gutted* little shack of a building with nothing but burned out timbers holding it up....ZERO inside......i am grateful i got into recovery....getting my life back for the FIRST time.......and now i too, can FEEL....you know in the past, when i was p.o'd, i knew i was alive!!!!! now???? i dare to feel...i want to feel....i DO feel......tears/laughter/joy/sadness/fear/anger/gratitude/excitement over something good now/ a whole range of emotions...positive and negative , but FEELINGS.. i never knew....all i knew was fear/anger.....its amazing how many other feelings there are and that i can *taste* now.......i used to not care about others too......that is all changing in recovery.....i was forced here, my stubborn will, my not being willing to change.....finally the pain got too bad....it was get in here or perhaps complete the next suicide....i am glad i got here...i don't want to carry this karma with me to the next life......noooo , i am dealing with it here!!!! so i will go home *travelling light*........peace rosie
Aw, Gammy, I'm so sorry about your friend. I try to remember that the suffering that this person has been through has ended but it's so hard sometimes. These are the times that I really hate the disease.
However, you my friend, are still here and for that I am grateful. You are here for a very special reason...maybe to help those that are left behind to understand that thier father, husband and friend was suffering from a disease that he couldn't overcome, and that they are not to blame. You, who have alanon experience also, could help his wife begin a journey into recovery so that she can raise her children without fear of this happening again.
Just a thought...
Love, cheri