i dont know if im ready to go to a AA meeting. im pretty scared too becuase then i feel like im really an alcoholic. when in reality i dont know. sometimes its very bad, but sometimes i can control it. or is it control? im kinda scared too that what will i do instead of drinking to numb my problems? that sounds silly but drinking does help me through that. id say it even got me through high school. the fact is i love alcohol and what it does to me, minus the hangovers... like before graduation, i was going through a really hard time . seemed like everything was falling and i couldnt get up. i went to school, straight to work, back home, got drunk, passed out, and started off the next morning with a shot. this summer i was at a camp and drank the max i could tolerated every night. and sadly, i miss that. if i could, id do it every day.  i guess i donno how to let alcohol go. sad but true

well kay i wasnt ready either,  but 20 yrs later  i was.lost alot of years because of it. you gotta answer that question yourself. we will be here if you need us .   god bless u wagon

Hi Kay,

I'm Christine, & I'm an alcoholic.

I started drinking at 16.  Went pretty strong until I got pregnant, at 20.  Then I straightened up my act for about 10 years, for my son.  I hardly picked up a drink for a long time & I would have bet my life that I didn’t have a problem. 

However, Before, During, & After my divorce I drank myself silly until I got a DUI.

Thought all that would given me a hint of that I had a drinking problem.  Took another year, then I went 14 months sober, slipped for about a year, now I’m 50+ days sober & VERY THANKFUL that the light bulb FINALLY went off. 

My point here, to reply to your post, is that, I’m double your age & am facing emotions I should have dealt with at your age.  My maturity level is probably 20 years younger than my chronological age.  All because I put my higher power into the bottle or somewhere wrong.  Now, I see that I can’t control anyone but ME.  I pray for guidance & KNOWLEDGE of my higher power’s will, not MY will.  It just makes it easier, that’s all.

I didn’t cope with emotions very well, back then, ignored them, blamed others, etc.  Now, I TRY to understand myself.  I’m human, not perfect.  I try not to blame others anymore for my OWN mistakes.  But, I also don’t beat myself up.  There’s a balance there...haven't figured that one out yet, tho... J

It’s a hard road, but I want to “grow up”.  I imagine it will take the next 40 years but I'm worth the journey.

That’s just my story.  It doesn't mean it will be yours, just telling ya what I've been thru, that's all.

Take what you want & leave the rest. 

I’m still new to AA, but I also got a lot of peace of mind from Al-Anon also.

Hope I helped ya J

Christine

Sounds to me like you haven't hit bottom yet, or maybe not enough of them.

When you're ready, AA will be there.

I pray you don't wait till it's too late.

Love and Hugs

Doll

hi kay,  i began drinking at 13..( my incest agressor father taught me)  since then i used it **only for calming me down*   with my severe emotional and mental issues over the incest, i drank a lot....it kept my demons drousy and i could actually feel happy

i decided  10 years ago to face life *straight*  did pretty good, but life was hell!!!  no numbing....no escaping...just facing life with NO recovery program to work out my intense  outrage/grief...so i was severely codependent as well...

it seemd that i only got drunk when i was **triggered* by something!!!   a misfortune (and i had rounds and rounds of misery being so messed up)   a  threat of any kind...(i lived in fear of life so there were many threats)    i could walk into a restaurant, have a beer,   STILL can,  and when food comes, i am fine,   i push away the beer and enjoy my food....however....as long as i have coda issues....emotional pain/grief unresolved,  i run the risk of being triggered and getting high....

alkies come in many shapes/ sizes/ flavors.....i didn't look like an alkie..... but to me????  ANYone who abuses alcohol on a multiple basis, over a period,  HAS A PROBLEM!!!!  i had to admit...that i am codependent/  alcohol abuser/  also acoa/  also i write on the abuse board....hell anyone with my past pain would drink

now i run to the 12 steps and meets.......dealing with my pain, is helping me  stay **level* , i go DAY to DAY......emotional sobriety is a DAY to DAY basis........

it took me a while to admit i abused alcohol....it was my *medicine*  my *escape mechanism* it was my way of hiding from my pain , instead of facing it....

it took a while,  i denied it,  but no more...i am free....i am not ashamed of my illnesses/ injuries....they are not me, they are what happend to me.....i got abused and i used the best survival / coping tools i could....control....alcohol.....walls around me......anger (protective device)......being a phony cause i didn't think i was good enough.....people pleaser so i would not be rejected...........well that was then    now is now.....i love /accept me AS i AM....i am recovering  coda/ alkie/ acoa/ abuse  and i am doing ok....

it takes time....give yourself gentle love and patience.....you will be ready when you are ready....."when the student is ready...the teacher comes".......talk with us,  we understand what you feel.....we have been there and done that....OR we are familiar with it..........peace/ rosie

Hi Kay,

I figured out that I was an alcoholic, because I am alcohol dependant.  Just like you, I couldn't imagine facing life without it. I had to have it when I was involved in any social activity, to give me "false courage" because I felt like I wasn't as witty, charming, intelligent, capable as everyone else.  I definitely needed it when I felt my life was too difficult to deal with, which was most of the time.

I had my first drink when I was 16, many of my friends drank for recreation at that time, also, I think, because it was something that was for adults.

I didn't do it very often, because it was hard to come by as a minor.  When I got away from home at 18, it became a weekly thing. By the time I was 21, it became a daily thing. I would start out in the morning to go to college classes, and instead, would drive right on by the campus and straight to one of the nearby bars.  I ended up dropping out of college in my senior year, because it was getting in the way of my drinking.

If I had admitted that I was an alcoholic at that time, and got some help, I wouldn't be wondering today how different my life could have been if I had finished.

 

Kay, Everyone has shared alot of experience, strength and hope with you, that's what this board is about and that's what AA meetings are about.

Have you found out where the AA meetings are in you town? If you know where they are at least if you decide you need to go, you know where to go.Please keep posting here, we care.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Kay, only you can say if your an alcoholic or not. If you think you are having problems with alcohol then maybe you are. I know for me, I wanted to stop drinking and I couldn't. I didn't want to be an alcoholic and so I denied it for a real long time. The best suggestion I can give you is to try some meetings. Try to identify and relate to the other people that are there. I know when I first went to meetings I compared instead of identifying and some of stuff that happened to them people eventually happened to me. For me, I had to reach the bottom that I did because I was in denial and I also thought that I could stop on my own and didn't need help from anybody else. I just had to go through everything I did to get to where I am today. That is not to say that you have to, but I do know that there are 4 choices. Go to meetings and ask for help and the other three are jails, institutions or death. The choice is ours to make. My prayers are with you. God bless, Harry