Hi.  I'm Mikel, and I'm an alcoholic.  Boy, am I ever.  Two days ago, when I found myself purchasing a fifth of Wellers at ten in the morning, it suddenly gripped me by the gonads:  This has to stop.  So I went home, went to the Internet, found a detox hospital, and checked myself in for next week to begin the process.  Ironically, the center told me to keep drinking until I get there, so I'm sipping a beer now, with not very much enthusiasm.

I'm so tired of this.  My 20+ year marriage crashed and burned.  My children are pretty much estranged.  And now, once I've entered into a relationship that truly means the world to me, I get wasted, get on the phone, and jeopardize it to the point my girlfriend tells me not to call her for several days. 

I am encouraged, I am frightened.  Once I get out of detox, I already have a counseling session awaiting me, along with nightly AA meetings.  Am encouraged I FINALLY took this step after years of abuse; frightened of the post-detox and new sobriety, when I will constantly be wanting to take a drink.  One day at a time; I have to keep that in perspective.  If I don't have a drink today, there won't be a tenth drink today. 

I'm divorced and live by myself, and my girlfriend lives in another city, so our visits are geographically intermittent.  So I spend most nights after work alone--and that's when I really hit the booze.  Does anyone else feel an overwhelmingly urge to drink when alone?  I know:  rhetorical question, but it's good to know there are others experiencing the same pain. 

I do look forward to getting on with this, and I won't change my mind.  I'm going to detox next week, counseling and AA the week after.  I've been touched by several of the posts I've read before deciding to go on here.  Bless you all.

Mikel

hi mike yes i made myself alone so i could drink, did my best drinking when alone. sound like it time for u to make a change which it sounds like you plan to do.now to start and follow throgh that the tough part. this is a good place to be welcome and god bless u wagon

Thanks, wagon.  Much appreciated.  M

Welcome Mikel. 

Way to go !

As for the lonely feeling,  mine  pretty much left when I got sober. And I  got dumped by my boyfriend of 2+ years just a couple days ago........ I spend lots of time at f2f meetings, and a lot of time on this board. There are some awesome folks here, who have always been nothing but supportive.  Sharing ES&H is what gets me thru.

 

Keep coming. Keep posting. Get thru detox and get back here.

 

Hugs,

Doll 

Hi, Doll.

Oh, my God.  Your boyfriend dumped you?  That would definitely want me to go get a bottle and drown my sorrows.  I admire you for not succumbing.

I know f2f means face to face.  What does ES&H mean?  Forgive my newbie-ness!  M

I think I can understand why the center told you not to quit until you check in.  If you feel bad enough to quit for a short period, you may suddenly decide after a few days of sobreity that you can make it on your own after all!  (Big mistake!)

I still haven't quite figured out who (or what) God is to me, but I do say that I thank God for your sake Mikel, that you commited to take any and all steps necessary to take your life back from the "juice". 

I do pray that you will stay on this journey to your way back to the good life. 

I also pray for your Peace and Serenity, my friend!  Do check back in with us when you get back!

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

wagon

Hi, sick of being sick (I like that!).  The hospital told me not to stop until I was under medical supervision, as my stopping now could bring about tremors, or seizures, or changes in my vitals, etc.  Purely a medical perspective.  A couple of websites I've visited also advised not to stop (yes, cut back, but don't stop) until you check in to dry out. 

Thanks for the kind words!  M

Thank you, wagon.  How long have you been sober?  M

 

9 months next week!!!

Oops! My bad.

 Experience, Strength and Hope.

 

The worst of getting dumped is he hasn't even told me yet!  He just stopped calling and emailing. AND he's online right now, I'm looking at his screen name on my buddy list and smiling.  

 

Doll

 

 

Hi, Doll.

Is your boyfriend online here, or another forum?  Gotta admire your resiliency! 

Not here. He's not a AA nor does he need to be. We have the same internet service provider. It has a buddy list so you can IM........... D

 

I'll survive, I've known for a while, he's not THE ONE. My sobriety comes first.

-- Edited by Doll at 21:49, 2005-10-04

Welcome Mikel, I'm glad you have found us and I will be praying for you when you go to detox. Please keep posting here until you go and post when you get back.

You can do this, it's a one day at a time deal.AA meetings are a must , you will get the support you need there also. I just got home from one, it was what I needed for today.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Hi Mikel,

Gladl you're here...hope we get to see you around here. I found this site after moving to a place where the AA meetings are limited and it has been a wonderful experience for me to find and make friends from around the world.

Remember, in detox, treatment is discovery and AA is recovery.

Love, cheri

Welcome Mikel,

I did the majority of my drinking alone. I actually couldn't wait for my partners over the years to go to bed. I wanted to be "alone"...actually thought My buzz was better "alone".

The isolation grew and grew...I would drink myself and be with myself more and more as time went on.

It gets to be pretty lonely.

Good Luck at Re-hab!!!

We'll be waiting to hear how things went for ya!!

Take Care

Nancy Jo

Thank you all for your posts and support.  Just starting this thread and reading many of the others makes me realize I made the right decision.  My 23-year-old daughter called me last night to talk about my decision to seek help; she couldn't thank me enough for what I've decided to do.  Recovery is all I think about right now, and I am so ready.

Thanks again to all of you.  M