had a busy few days,

my youngest daughter just stopped in, upset, to get some of her clothes, says her Dad won't let her come here anymore.

he can't do that, she's crying

she got a 'job' selling chocolates after school, got paid on saturday and bought herself a hat. he's mad that she spent her money the day she got it.

?????????

to boot he took her 'job' away from her, told her she wasn't allowed to do it anymore because she didn't vaccum the stairs.....surely if not for that reson then he'd of found another..she was so excited about this too

i've been praying for this guy for so long, it's just not helping

i told her he can't keep her from me. I've screwed up in the past, but i'm good today. there's no reason, except his own selfishness, anger and blah, blah, blah

i told her she doesn't have to live like this

i don't know what else to do for her

she didn't want me to go outside and talk to him, which i understand because then it makes it worse for her, she wasn't even supposed to tell me anything

like i wouldn't ask when she's packing her clothes..

a cross between guilt because if not for me, she wouldn't have gone to live with him in the first place, anger that he can't grow up, and resentment for what he is putting her through

he is a very sick individual

i can't afford a lawyer

i've been waiting, and praying, letting go and letting God for so long

i just don't know anymore

doesn't he see that even though i fell out of their lives that today all the crap he is pulling is only going to go against him in the long run??

and maybe that's another reason why i've put off any legal action, so he can act somemore like an a$$hole and i can use it against him??

i don't want to have to do that though, meantime Rylee is living like she's walking on eggshells

i fear i may lose it on him very soon, and that won't help either, but its been building

venting.....any suggestions appreciated, thanks for being here

hugs, Wendy

 

Hi Wendy. I know where you are comming from, and can identify with a lot of it.

When my 3 kids Mother, and I were going through this stuff--I think the kids handled it better than I did. They seem to draw their own conclusions, in the end, and make choices on their own, but they seem to hafta see what both sides are going to be like to live with, before making their choices. Mine were 9-14-15

Their Mother walked out the door,a long time ago, and still makes phoney excuses for doing so. The kids knew the truth, and know the truth today. They are with me, full time, and have very little comunication with their Mother(If any)  Its sad--but thats just the way it is.

I had sponsors and close freinds, kept telling me, that the best reaction, was no reaction. And there was a lot of crap, one could have reacted to. I reacted to some--but most of it, I just let go around. It did.

Theres more-but thats the short form.

All, I wish to share with you is--the kids will be ok. Theyll get through what they hafta get through. Mine had a lot more, on the ball, than I thought they did--and while I thought, that most days, I was holding them up--it was the other way around.

As for some exes? Im not even going there. We know-and the bottom line is "We arent going to change em" "And usually by reacting, we enter the insanity world" I quit going there.

You just take care of number one, my freind. God WILL take care of the rest.  HUGS

Ive come to beleive that "What goes around comes around" IT WILL.

Wendy, I'm sorry your daughter is going through this right now, and I know none of it is easy for you. Just remember the serenity prayer and you have to stay sober through it all.

I've been sober over 20 years and if I've ever wanted a drink ,it was this past Sunday, as my 28 year old daughter stood in my living room yelling at me that I was crazy,and I needed serious mental help, that I was not a good Mother, and even though they had traveled a 100 miles to help me move, they would now be leaving. She turned to her brother and said "Get in the car." and he said "Like hell I will, I came to help Mom. "

So, her husband took her somewhere, I don't know where and he came back and helped us.She did not come eat pizza later, and I gave my granddaughter a big hug and ask her to please give her Mom one for me.

All this happened after we had come from the jail, after visiting with my daughters stepdad, son's Dad. She has sympathy for Dad, but only hatred for me. Thank God I have enough Al-anon in me to know what's going on.I love my daughter and will just have to keep praying for her, allow her to feel what she needs to feel and Not Drink !

My ex, her Dad was never there, they didn't have a relationship. He wanted one about the time she turned 17, then he died when she was 18 years old.I wish things had been different. All I have is today, can't do anything about the past. I will love with all I have, I will pray for my enemies and ask God to bless them.

I am praying for you and your daughters, oh, yes....your ex too.We love our kids and we have to allow them live life, it's hard to live life on lifes terms somedays.

Stay sane and sober. Do what you can and let God do the rest.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

My son has the dad from HELL too.......... he's still drinking and using. I'm so grateful my son is 15 and makes his own decisions of when or if he wants to spend time with his dad.....

 

Wendy, you hang tough, girl. It will get better. Just keep your cool  - I know it's hard, there have been times when I could have snatched the ex's heart right out of his chest with my bare hand.   I still have those feelings when he hurts my kid, but I prefer to kill him with kindness and blessings these days - it pisses him off I won't "fight back" anymore.....

I'm praying for ya and your daughter...... You're in my thoughts........ Don't drink. There's nothing going on that drinking will fix or help..........

Much love and lots and lots of hugs

 

Doll

Wendy,

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I wish I had some words of wisdom--I don't.

I'm the product of divorce and my father was an alcoholic.

I think I've turned out pretty well.  I'm a little bit of a control freak, maybe a little anal, I married an alcoholic but he definitely wasn't when I married him (maybe he was and I didn't know it but alcohol didn't cause any problems back then). 

I agree with Phil--what comes around goes around.  That thought keeps me going.  Your children will know the truth in the end.  My sister and I did and we no longer see our father.

Take care of you.

mom to 2

thanks

my daughter is sleepin in my bed tonight, says she' telling him tomorrow, i think she's just simply scared

i know you are right Phil, they are stronger than i give them credit for, as well as myself

and that post of yours Phil?? about accepting where we are, where i am, whats going on, its all supposed to be, i needed that tonight thanks

doll, thanks for your prayers, and yes, a drink or 200 of them won't make anything better, from experience i know, it only makes things worse!! today i remember that, i hope to keep remembering it!!

(((Gammy)))

i've been on the receiving end to, of those convos, my heart goes out to you

my daughters as well have different dads, cept my oldest doesn't know hers, long story but i wouldn't even know where to look for him, wether i'd want to find him, or if he's alive today even.

funny thing is my oldest is telling my youngest not to do what she did, by just not going back there, now they don't talk at all.

and the anger part, it seems to be him that has everyone's bvd's in a bunch. We could all get along, share and be reasonably happy, but he;'s gotta stir the pot, and keeps stirrin' it, and stirrin' it...

maybe its an attention thing on his part?? hmmm, gee that thought never entered my brain before, could very well be.

i have gotten pretty good at not reacting to his stirs, but its getting harder is all

hey momto2?? me to, divorced alcoholic parents.....

abandonment issues i'll save for another post....

thanks again, i'm off to bed

night & many hugs

Wendy