how do you pick a sobriety date, when you obsessive compulsive about numbers/ dates/ months etc?
autumnspirit said
Mar 1, 2011
please i really need help. this has plagued me for a few years now. i attach a strange meaning to all number and dates. this is the reason i can't choose a sober date. i realize getting sober and being healthy is so much more important but i'm compelled nonetheless. i have picked sober days before but whenever things don't go perfectly i go back to my bad behavior. the only way in my head to be perfect is for everything to go wrong. how can i just overcome this stupid nagging disorder and pick a date already? maybe i subconciously just don't want to get sober, but i know it's more than that. i wish i could seek a therapist but i can't afford that. what advice would you offer?
Toad said
Mar 1, 2011
Hi,
Usually a sobriety date is the last time one drank alcohol. Kind of simple.
Best Wishes.
Wayne
autumnspirit said
Mar 1, 2011
Toad wrote:
Hi, Usually a sobriety date is the last time one drank alcohol. Kind of simple. Best Wishes. Wayne
yeah but it's not that simple for me. for example i would like 3/3/2011. but 3x3=9 and 11-2=9. and it makes 9 days till my nephews birthday. i don't want to associate this with his birthday. this is just an example of sick and deranged my thinking is.
autumnspirit said
Mar 1, 2011
i know this might sound like someone who is just desperate to hang on to their addiction and for all i know maybe it is. but this is a separate issue from alcoholism i think. i have alcoholism and i also have ocd. this makes a horrible combination.
leeu said
Mar 1, 2011
When was either your last drink or the last time you picked up a white chip? Maybe just go with the month and year. Or forget "the date"; are you sober today? No rule says you have to have a date--not everyone chooses to, and that's OK.
Or you could add 3 + 3 + 2 +1 + 1 and get 10. Ten is a nice number. And what the heck would your relative's birthday have to do with anything anyway??? By that logic, there would probably never be a number that would work because you'd find "something" to associate it with that you don't want to.
So back full circle to maybe just don't have a specific date. Your sobriety itself is what is important, not the exact anniversary. And if celebrating or honoring your sobriety anniversary becomes that important to you, you'll probably acknowledge the date it falls on, and you'll find that your world didn't come to an end. It's called serenity!!
-- Edited by leeu on Tuesday 1st of March 2011 08:32:29 PM
LinBaba said
Mar 1, 2011
autumnspirit wrote:
Toad wrote:
Hi, Usually a sobriety date is the last time one drank alcohol. Kind of simple. Best Wishes. Wayne
yeah but it's not that simple for me. for example i would like 3/3/2011. but 3x3=9 and 11-2=9. and it makes 9 days till my nephews birthday. i don't want to associate this with his birthday. this is just an example of sick and deranged my thinking is.
I did this to a certain degree, "chose" my sobriety date because I wanted it to be cool, 2-24-8 was the date of my last drink, has a nice ring to it, I think the one before was 1-21-1 or something, but truthfully all I was doing was finding excuses to drink
3x3=9 11+2=13 13+9=22 2-2=0
0 = how many times you ever want to drink again, alcoholism is a disease of perception, so simply change your perception
what about 3/1/11 can't go wrong with 3 prime numbers, although one is cheating kinda
autumnspirit said
Mar 1, 2011
yeah my relatives birthday has nothing to do with it. i realize that. i can't help it. like u said i will find a problem with any date at this point. yes i've drank today so that rules today out. but thanks for your suggestion.
autumnspirit said
Mar 1, 2011
today is ruled out. i drank today. it's like even if i pick a day and i stick to it for awhile, i want to start all over again if i don't act perfectly. so weird, i want to be a perfect angel all of sudden when things like this take time. for something that stupid like this and i know nobody cares about, i'm obsessed about it, and it's got to the point where i just want to die sometimes because i'm so miserable with my lifestyle.
LinBaba said
Mar 1, 2011
autumnspirit wrote:
yeah my relatives birthday has nothing to do with it. i realize that. i can't help it. like u said i will find a problem with any date at this point. yes i've drank today so that rules today out. but thanks for your suggestion.
3/3/11 still works -to- zero out, a sobriety date = zero and a day where you begin your life again and start healthy associated with your nephews birthday could be a good thing
Or you could just drinking until you get beaten into such an abject mass of a boggy morass of messiness and bankrupt as a going human concern whose family members don't even talk to any more to get a little more reasonable about it, that works too, and do nothing and it will come to that pretty much guarenteed, alcoholism is progressive and ALWAYS gets worse, the results are pretty much not negotiable if untreated
The bad news is if untreated we don't die of it for a LONG time, just live this long slow decline of utter and abject misery, like Willy Nelson said, theres more old drunks then there are old doctors
solution= take action further misery which WILL get worse= keep doing what you are doing
up to you
We're (AA) here if you need us, why not try a meeting?
Toad said
Mar 1, 2011
Hi autumnspirit,
I apologize if I added to your confusion.
After carefully reading the posts and your replies I came to understand a bit more of your dilemma.
I guess I did not read to much from you, just how much alcohol has negatively affected your life. If at all.
So I will wish you all the best in your Life.
Respectfully,
Toad
Jerry F said
Mar 1, 2011
Aloha Autum...OCD does cause problems however just for now go after the drinking addiction first. Stop drinking first and working the OCD will be easier. If today is the first day in your sobriety...the last time you drank, write it down on your calendar and go for day two. Meetings, Big Book, Sponsor, Steps, Traditions and slogans etc. It is what the sober fellowship does. I don't know what else would work since I've tried other stuff and stopped when program worked. OCD has a handshake relation ship with ADD. I know about that one. We have "other issues" however the first issue for me to take care of is staying sober. My recovery date is a "close" number it is an on or about number cause I forgot when I had my last drink and can get closer when I got into recovery. It doesn't matter to me today. That I don't rely on alcohol as a part of my life does.
Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Amelia said
Mar 2, 2011
Hi Autumn,
I had the same problem, I have OCD too and I had to find a way of getting round it. I am many years sober now and I don't know my exact date. I know the month"ish" and year (those I can cope with).It really got me down as I felt pressure to keep an exact date and that I wouldn't stay sober if I didn't.
However, luckily, my Higher Power brought a couple of other people into my life who had done the following and suggested it to me! So maybe it can help you too!
I never celebrate my birthday. .I got rid of the numbered based date in my mind. I just said "OK, today is Tuesday and I am starting today" , so Tuesday is when I started - with NO date, just the name Tuesday......it grew from there - reaching a week on Tuesday, then 2 weeks on Tuesday.
My sponsor kept a note of the actual date. I asked my sponsor (many times) to respect my request to NOT celebrate my birthday nor keep reminding me of my start date, but she didn't- so I fired her. I knew what she was doing was detrimental to me but she just pooh poohed my "obsessivness" as being alcoholism. *sigh* It may well have been partly my mind trying to play games but the issue was there and I had to find a way that worked for me.
Like I say, in the early days I kind of counted the days through their names not figures/dates..... I think I counted up to about 2 - 3 weeks and then I let go of counting completely and decided to stick with the policy of "I am sober today and that is all that matters". After a while the days just dissolved into being so happy being sober that what I was doing re my date was working and it didn't matter what others said.
Like I say, I know the month"ish" and the year. I can cope with that. It works for me - has done for years, a day at a time and no pressure. Seems my mind can cope with names but figures cause very obsessive thoughts.
Hope this helps! Though reading it back I'm not sure I have explained it too well!
It worked for me and continues to - a day at a time.
(((hugs to you)))
Emmy
zzworldontheweb said
Mar 2, 2011
If you want to be coolly nerdy, say your sobriety date is Pi. If you want to be SUPER nerdy, say it's Avagadro's Number.
barisax said
Mar 2, 2011
I doubt if you're going to find a way to get sober that also allows the practice of untreated OCD.
The date was really the last thing on my mind when I went to my first meeting. I certainly didn't pick it in advance. My sobriety date is the date of my first AA meeting. My last drink was the day before technically, although it was a little after midnight.
I know a few people with long term sobriety who quit on 1/1, or 12/25, or Easter, or Thanksgiving, or their birthday. But for most of us our sobriety date is whenever we had enough living the disease and decided to start living the solution. The solution doesn't involve numbers or dates or astrology. I also know people who don't really know their exact sobriety date because they threw themselves into the program and only after a while did they look back and estimate how long it had been.
My sobriety date isn't like my wedding date - which we did pick, because we wanted a Saturday, around a certain time of year, and it was also subject to availability of the facilities, time off work, etc. Sobriety involves none of those things. Your sobriety date could be today.
I wish everything were that simple... I don't drink today, I wake up sober tomorrow. Unfortunately if I don't eat today, I don't wake up skinny tomorrow. I think my ex-wife thought it should work like that. But sobriety is kinda that simple.
Barisax
autumnspirit said
Mar 2, 2011
thanks everybody for all your help. i appreciate it so much. i'm thinking of making my date the same date as my birthday. is that a good idea? in a way it is like being reborn to be sober and take back your life.
LinBaba said
Mar 2, 2011
autumnspirit wrote:
thanks everybody for all your help. i appreciate it so much. i'm thinking of making my date the same date as my birthday. is that a good idea? in a way it is like being reborn to be sober and take back your life.
truthfully the best way to pick a sober date is have it be today
One thing I learned was putting off getting sober to find the right date becomes an addiction and a pattern in itself, we don't do it perfect, so we drink again, the only way I finally got sober was to have it be today
3/2/11
it doesn't get any better then that as far as "cool numbers" go, the countdown rocks
3.....2.....1.....1.....Happy Birthday!!!!!
pinkchip said
Mar 2, 2011
No day like today.
Amelia said
Mar 3, 2011
Lin Baba shared
truthfully the best way to pick a sober date is have it be today
One thing I learned was putting off getting sober to find the right date becomes an addiction and a pattern in itself, we don't do it perfect, so we drink again, the only way I finally got sober was to have it be today
3/2/11
it doesn't get any better then that as far as "cool numbers" go, the countdown rocks
3.....2.....1.....1.....Happy Birthday!!!!!
This was so true for me too.
Klaatu said
Mar 3, 2011
Well, it's my understanding that out sober date is the date we stop drinking. To me it seems like the stopping drinking part is far more important than a date. So, I guess you can use the day you quit drinking or any day after that.
I guess you have to decide for yourself which one is more important.
Brian
gldart said
October 23rd
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-- Edited by gldart on Thursday 23rd of October 2025 01:31:46 PM
-- Edited by leeu on Tuesday 1st of March 2011 08:32:29 PM
Or you could just drinking until you get beaten into such an abject mass of a boggy morass of messiness and bankrupt as a going human concern whose family members don't even talk to any more to get a little more reasonable about it, that works too, and do nothing and it will come to that pretty much guarenteed, alcoholism is progressive and ALWAYS gets worse, the results are pretty much not negotiable if untreated
The bad news is if untreated we don't die of it for a LONG time, just live this long slow decline of utter and abject misery, like Willy Nelson said, theres more old drunks then there are old doctors
solution= take action
further misery which WILL get worse= keep doing what you are doing
up to you
We're (AA) here if you need us, why not try a meeting?
Aloha Autum...OCD does cause problems however just for now go after the drinking
addiction first. Stop drinking first and working the OCD will be easier. If today is
the first day in your sobriety...the last time you drank, write it down on your calendar
and go for day two. Meetings, Big Book, Sponsor, Steps, Traditions and slogans etc.
It is what the sober fellowship does. I don't know what else would work since I've
tried other stuff and stopped when program worked. OCD has a handshake relation
ship with ADD. I know about that one. We have "other issues" however the first issue
for me to take care of is staying sober. My recovery date is a "close" number it is an
on or about number cause I forgot when I had my last drink and can get closer when
I got into recovery. It doesn't matter to me today. That I don't rely on alcohol as a
part of my life does.
Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Hi Autumn,
I had the same problem, I have OCD too and I had to find a way of getting round it. I am many years sober now and I don't know my exact date. I know the month"ish" and year (those I can cope with).It really got me down as I felt pressure to keep an exact date and that I wouldn't stay sober if I didn't.
However, luckily
, my Higher Power brought a couple of other people into my life who had done the following and suggested it to me! So maybe it can help you too!
I never celebrate my birthday. .I got rid of the numbered based date in my mind. I just said "OK, today is Tuesday and I am starting today" , so Tuesday is when I started - with NO date, just the name Tuesday......it grew from there - reaching a week on Tuesday, then 2 weeks on Tuesday.
My sponsor kept a note of the actual date. I asked my sponsor (many times) to respect my request to NOT celebrate my birthday nor keep reminding me of my start date, but she didn't- so I fired her. I knew what she was doing was detrimental to me but she just pooh poohed my "obsessivness" as being alcoholism.
*sigh* It may well have been partly my mind trying to play games but the issue was there and I had to find a way that worked for me.
Like I say, in the early days I kind of counted the days through their names not figures/dates..... I think I counted up to about 2 - 3 weeks and then I let go of counting completely and decided to stick with the policy of "I am sober today and that is all that matters". After a while the days just dissolved into being so happy being sober that what I was doing re my date was working and it didn't matter what others said.
Like I say, I know the month"ish" and the year. I can cope with that. It works for me - has done for years, a day at a time and no pressure. Seems my mind can cope with names but figures cause very obsessive thoughts.
Hope this helps! Though reading it back I'm not sure I have explained it too well!
It worked for me and continues to - a day at a time.
(((hugs to you)))
Emmy
The date was really the last thing on my mind when I went to my first meeting. I certainly didn't pick it in advance. My sobriety date is the date of my first AA meeting. My last drink was the day before technically, although it was a little after midnight.
I know a few people with long term sobriety who quit on 1/1, or 12/25, or Easter, or Thanksgiving, or their birthday. But for most of us our sobriety date is whenever we had enough living the disease and decided to start living the solution. The solution doesn't involve numbers or dates or astrology. I also know people who don't really know their exact sobriety date because they threw themselves into the program and only after a while did they look back and estimate how long it had been.
My sobriety date isn't like my wedding date - which we did pick, because we wanted a Saturday, around a certain time of year, and it was also subject to availability of the facilities, time off work, etc. Sobriety involves none of those things. Your sobriety date could be today.
I wish everything were that simple... I don't drink today, I wake up sober tomorrow. Unfortunately if I don't eat today, I don't wake up skinny tomorrow. I think my ex-wife thought it should work like that. But sobriety is kinda that simple.
Barisax
This was so true for me too.
I recently discovered plinko game download, and it turned out to be much more entertaining than I expected. The gameplay is simple but surprisingly addictive you just drop the ball, watch it bounce, and see where it lands. Its a nice mix of luck and excitement. The site loads fast, works perfectly on my phone, and feels very user-friendly. Definitely worth checking out if youre looking for something casual yet engaging.
-- Edited by gldart on Thursday 23rd of October 2025 01:31:46 PM