Well, people, I've had an interesting couple of days. It started like this: my teenage son broke his wrist skateboarding on Sunday. We spent 5 hrs in the ER, then find out since it's so swollen they can only put a temp cast on it, which is good for 7 - 10 days, gave me the number for our local orthopedists and said call for an appt. Yesterday being a holiday, the office was closed, so my plan was to call first thing this morning. Well, that was the easy part. Here's where the difficulties come in. My ex called and wanted to know why the ER didn't do this, and that and the other thing. I no longer allow him to control me, so he can't stand that I'm in control of our son's day to day well being. next thing I know the ex's mother is calling. She DEMANDED I take off work today and be the doctor's office when they opened. STUPID! Then she DEMANDED I let HER take my son to the doctor first thing this morning - still STUPID! Then she DEMANDED I take my son to another ER for a 2nd opinion - keeps getting more STUPID! In the past I would allow her to upset me, I would second guess my decisions and then be pissed at myself for doing so. This time was different. I calmy, but loudly I must admit, told her I hadn't killed the kid yet, he's almost 15, I am the one who makes sure he has all he needs and some of what he wants, ME not HER, not his DAD. ME! So what does she do, she asks me if I'm drinking again. Well, with that one I said "goodbye" and hung up the phone. All ready have to make amends to her for years past, aint gonna add to that list I needed to share all of this to be able to tell you, I think I'm finally, finally starting to "get it" atleast for today. It dawned on me on my way to a f2f today that I am beginning to know how to handle things which used to "baffle" me just 3 short months ago. AA is an awesome program. AAer's are some awesome people. And for the first time, for today, I'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic.
Thanks to all here, Cheri, Gammy, Phil, Rick, Wendy, NJ, Cabbagehead, wagon......... dang! now I'm blank..... PAW I guess or maybe sometimers anyway ALL of you on this message board. I love you all, and I'm so grateful I found you .
Much love, happiness, peace, sanity and sobriety
Doll
p.s. The kid see the orthopedist Friday morning. They said they "hope" the swelling is completely gone by then. Grandma is bout to have a cow!
GammyRose said
Sep 6, 2005
Doll, Ouch!These kids, always getting hurt, part of growing-up.It sounds like you did the right things , all the way around.The part about hanging up on ex's Mom was good.Just because we don't understand why Drs. do things the way they do them, doesn't mean they are wrong.
Is your son in a lot of pain. I sure hope not. I hate to see my kids suffer. I will be praying for you both.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
mom to 2 said
Sep 7, 2005
Doll,
Sounds like you are doing just fine.
Keep on.
mom to 2
Rick said
Sep 7, 2005
Hey Doll
Just thinking. My wife went to the same type of thing years ago. The drunk husband that beat her wanted to go to all the doctors appointments and etc, to see where his child support was being spent. Before the divorce he didn't do anything. When he had my stepson during a weekend of his drinking, he let him jump off the boat. Anyway he broke his foot and limped around on it until he got home and we took him down for exrays. Now where was the man who needed to be at all thr doctors appointments???? This is just a little something to show u your not alone. I can also throw his mom in. She was no ANGEL
Don't let him or them get to u.
Phil said
Sep 7, 2005
Can identify with you Doll. Its no fun some days.
Ive been a single parent of 3, for sometime, now--2 are at home--ones 20-ones 15.
For the past 7 years, every time their Mother, and her husband get drunk, or high on drugs--I get the "I should be doing this" phone call.
My answer used to be "When you start paying support, towards these kids--your opinions might be listened to, and noted.
Today--I just hang up the phone. There hasnt been much comunication between the kids and their Mother, for a long time. Its sad-but thats just the way it is--and what they all do with that relationship is up to them, not me--in todays, and tomorrows.
Their Mother puts me down, with others that we both know, continuously--and I just shut my mouth. It all goes back and bites her, right in the butt. People get sick of listening to it.
Just had a 20 year old, play soccer 2 nights ago-will be on crutches for 3 weeks.
A 15 year old, thats still having nightmares, over stuff from the past.
We show love--we are there for them-we try to help them with their decisions-and sometimes hafta make decisions for them, in their best interests, when they cant decide.
But at least we are sober, and are able to do that.
Had a marriage since, that was one of those "My way or the Highway things" Allowed myself to be controlled completely by it. How many times did I hear the statement "If it wasnt for your F---ing kids" -- just kept my mouth shut. Got sick because of it.
Proud of my kids today. I dont hafta be put down by anyone, and either do they.
We do the best we can Doll. We do the best we can.
You and yours have a good day.
Doll said
Sep 7, 2005
Thanks for sharing with me Rick. Yep! It helps. I try to keep them at bay, so to speak. We've been divorced for 13 yrs and in those 13 yrs all the EX has done is sometimes pay court orderd child support of $240 monthly. I am the one who clothes and feeds my child. I am the one who works a job I loathe to have medical and dental, I am the one who works overtime when possible so my son can get a car and insurance this month. I RESENT the hell out of the ex and his family for demanding anything........... I'm gettin on my soap box again, oops!
Seriously, thank you all for your support.......
Much love
Doll
cheri said
Sep 7, 2005
Hey Doll,
Sounds like you did what you needed to do.
My youngest broke her "funny bone" a few years back...she fell off the monkey bars...and the ER did the same thing. When it's swollen like that they can't cast it cause the swelling goes down and the cast doesn't do any good. So why go to the Dr office to have him tell you to come back in a week to put a cast on it?? DUH!!
ANYWAY, GOOD FOR YOU!! You dealt with the situation in a mature way without unloading on the ex or his mother. Feels good when that happens, yes?
Love, cheri
Rick said
Sep 7, 2005
Doll
try to take it easy let it go My inlaws have been charmers too. I forgave and try to forget, so i don't bring it up much. However when my wife was down and out instead of helping her they screwed her over.There words Don't ask us for anything, we can't help. I guess god put me in her life to help at the time. Some of it is so sickening. The kids getting holiday inn soap and pens etc for christmas. I can relate to your troubles well. this mess took years to get OK.
AS SAID WORRY ABOUT U AND YOUR KID
HELL WITH THE REST OF THEM
-- Edited by Rick at 09:48, 2005-09-07
Doll said
Sep 7, 2005
cheri, love you too. Thanks so much for being in my corner.
rick, powerful words, man! Thanks.
GammyRose, the kids doing great. He's excited about getting his cast on Friday.
Phil, hangin up the phone works wonders, huh! Thanks for that.
Mom 2, love ya! How are YOU doing?
Much love and lots of hugs to you all for the support you so generously give.
Well, people, I've had an interesting couple of days. It started like this: my teenage son broke his wrist skateboarding on Sunday. We spent 5 hrs in the ER, then find out since it's so swollen they can only put a temp cast on it, which is good for 7 - 10 days, gave me the number for our local orthopedists and said call for an appt. Yesterday being a holiday, the office was closed, so my plan was to call first thing this morning. Well, that was the easy part. Here's where the difficulties come in. My ex called and wanted to know why the ER didn't do this, and that and the other thing. I no longer allow him to control me, so he can't stand that I'm in control of our son's day to day well being. next thing I know the ex's mother is calling. She DEMANDED I take off work today and be the doctor's office when they opened. STUPID! Then she DEMANDED I let HER take my son to the doctor first thing this morning - still STUPID! Then she DEMANDED I take my son to another ER for a 2nd opinion - keeps getting more STUPID! In the past I would allow her to upset me, I would second guess my decisions and then be pissed at myself for doing so. This time was different. I calmy, but loudly I must admit, told her I hadn't killed the kid yet, he's almost 15, I am the one who makes sure he has all he needs and some of what he wants, ME not HER, not his DAD. ME! So what does she do, she asks me if I'm drinking again. Well, with that one I said "goodbye" and hung up the phone. All ready have to make amends to her for years past, aint gonna add to that list
I needed to share all of this to be able to tell you, I think I'm finally, finally starting to "get it" atleast for today. It dawned on me on my way to a f2f today that I am beginning to know how to handle things which used to "baffle" me just 3 short months ago. AA is an awesome program. AAer's are some awesome people. And for the first time, for today, I'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic.
Thanks to all here, Cheri, Gammy, Phil, Rick, Wendy, NJ, Cabbagehead, wagon......... dang! now I'm blank..... PAW I guess or maybe sometimers
anyway ALL of you on this message board. I love you all, and I'm so grateful I found you .
Much love, happiness, peace, sanity and sobriety
Doll
p.s. The kid see the orthopedist Friday morning. They said they "hope" the swelling is completely gone by then. Grandma is bout to have a cow!
Doll, Ouch!These kids, always getting hurt, part of growing-up.It sounds like you did the right things , all the way around.The part about hanging up on ex's Mom was good.Just because we don't understand why Drs. do things the way they do them, doesn't mean they are wrong.
Is your son in a lot of pain. I sure hope not. I hate to see my kids suffer. I will be praying for you both.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Doll,
Sounds like you are doing just fine.
Keep on.
mom to 2
Hey Doll
Just thinking. My wife went to the same type of thing years ago. The drunk husband that beat her wanted to go to all the doctors appointments and etc, to see where his child support was being spent. Before the divorce he didn't do anything. When he had my stepson during a weekend of his drinking, he let him jump off the boat. Anyway he broke his foot and limped around on it until he got home and we took him down for exrays. Now where was the man who needed to be at all thr doctors appointments???? This is just a little something to show u your not alone. I can also throw his mom in. She was no ANGEL
Don't let him or them get to u.
Can identify with you Doll. Its no fun some days.
Ive been a single parent of 3, for sometime, now--2 are at home--ones 20-ones 15.
For the past 7 years, every time their Mother, and her husband get drunk, or high on drugs--I get the "I should be doing this" phone call.
My answer used to be "When you start paying support, towards these kids--your opinions might be listened to, and noted.
Today--I just hang up the phone. There hasnt been much comunication between the kids and their Mother, for a long time. Its sad-but thats just the way it is--and what they all do with that relationship is up to them, not me--in todays, and tomorrows.
Their Mother puts me down, with others that we both know, continuously--and I just shut my mouth. It all goes back and bites her, right in the butt. People get sick of listening to it.
Just had a 20 year old, play soccer 2 nights ago-will be on crutches for 3 weeks.
A 15 year old, thats still having nightmares, over stuff from the past.
We show love--we are there for them-we try to help them with their decisions-and sometimes hafta make decisions for them, in their best interests, when they cant decide.
But at least we are sober, and are able to do that.
Had a marriage since, that was one of those "My way or the Highway things" Allowed myself to be controlled completely by it. How many times did I hear the statement "If it wasnt for your F---ing kids" -- just kept my mouth shut. Got sick because of it.
Proud of my kids today. I dont hafta be put down by anyone, and either do they.
We do the best we can Doll. We do the best we can.
You and yours have a good day.
Thanks for sharing with me Rick. Yep! It helps. I try to keep them at bay, so to speak. We've been divorced for 13 yrs and in those 13 yrs all the EX has done is sometimes pay court orderd child support of $240 monthly. I am the one who clothes and feeds my child. I am the one who works a job I loathe to have medical and dental, I am the one who works overtime when possible so my son can get a car and insurance this month. I RESENT the hell out of the ex and his family for demanding anything........... I'm gettin on my soap box again, oops!
Seriously, thank you all for your support.......
Much love
Doll
Hey Doll,
Sounds like you did what you needed to do.
My youngest broke her "funny bone" a few years back...she fell off the monkey bars...and the ER did the same thing. When it's swollen like that they can't cast it cause the swelling goes down and the cast doesn't do any good. So why go to the Dr office to have him tell you to come back in a week to put a cast on it?? DUH!!
ANYWAY, GOOD FOR YOU!! You dealt with the situation in a mature way without unloading on the ex or his mother. Feels good when that happens, yes?
Love, cheri
Doll
try to take it easy let it go My inlaws have been charmers too. I forgave and try to forget, so i don't bring it up much. However when my wife was down and out instead of helping her they screwed her over.There words Don't ask us for anything, we can't help. I guess god put me in her life to help at the time. Some of it is so sickening. The kids getting holiday inn soap and pens etc for christmas. I can relate to your troubles well. this mess took years to get OK.
AS SAID WORRY ABOUT U AND YOUR KID
HELL WITH THE REST OF THEM
-- Edited by Rick at 09:48, 2005-09-07
cheri, love you too. Thanks so much for being in my corner.
rick, powerful words, man! Thanks.
GammyRose, the kids doing great. He's excited about getting his cast on Friday.
Phil, hangin up the phone works wonders, huh! Thanks for that.
Mom 2, love ya! How are YOU doing?
Much love and lots of hugs to you all for the support you so generously give.
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 21:33, 2005-09-07
-- Edited by Doll at 21:34, 2005-09-07