Insecurity is:Feeling of not being ``good enough'' to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict, or concerns. Belief that one is inadequate or incompetent to handle life's challenges. Fear of being discovered as inadequate, ill fitted, or unsuited to meet responsibilities at home, school, or on the job. Sense of not fitting in, being ``out of synch'' with those in your peer group. Perception that life is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood. Sense of always climbing up a mountain, never being able to reach the top. Sense of lacking support or reinforcement where you live, work, or play. Results from a sense of being unaccepted, disapproved, or rejected. Inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are, and what responses are appropriate for events in life.
Why are people insecure?
Insecure people may have:Been raised in a chaotic, unpredictable, or volatile environment in which they were kept off balance, on guard, or on edge. Experienced a major tragedy or loss in their lives and are having a difficult time in accepting this loss and adjusting to the ``change.'' Experienced a major ``failure'' in life (e.g., divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy, failure in school, losing a friend, lack of acceptance into social or civic groups, etc.) that led them to question their personal competency. A poorly developed self-concept with low self-esteem, lacking belief in their personal goodness, skills, or abilities. Never felt accepted by the ``others'' in their life, so much so that they became chronically shy, retiring, and withdrawn in their interactions. Had an unrealistic list of rules and expectations prescribed by significant others in their life, rules they are striving to meet even in their current life. A poor body image, making them believe that others see them in a negative light. This makes them self-conscious, tense, and anxious in dealing with others. Never received enough positive reinforcement or feedback from others about their talents and abilities, leaving them unclear as to their skills. Been given very little direction, guidance, or discipline in their earlier lives leaving them unable to cope with the current pressures of life. Always felt overshadowed or overlooked due to the people in their lives who seemed to be more successful, smarter, prettier, more handsome, more athletic, higher achievers, getting much attention. This can foster doubt in an insecure person's ability to gain recognition for their successes, and can make them doubt their ability to achieve success.
What do chronically insecure people believe?I can never accomplish the task facing me! Everybody is looking at me, just waiting for me to make a fool of myself! I am a failure! I am ugly and awful to look at! I can never win. I am a loser. What is the sense of trying, I'll never get it right! No matter how hard I work to achieve, I never get any recognition! I am incompetent in everything. How could anybody ever say anything good about me? I failed them in the past; therefore, I am a failure today! Once a failure, always a failure! There is only one direction for me to go in this organization and that is down and outNo one could ever like, respect, or accept me! I don't deserve to be treated nicely! I don't fit in here or anywhere else for that matter! Everyone else looks so good, so together; I feel so out of it compared to them! I am an incomplete person and will always be that way! I am so afraid that no one will like me! Why would anyone care to hear what I say, how I feel, or what I think? People are just nice to you in order to use you and get something they want from you!
What are some negative effects of insecurity?
People who are insecure can:Have difficulties in establishing healthy, long-lasting relationships. Be perceived incorrectly by others as being snobbish or uppity; therefore, they are avoided due to the others' misperceptions. Become victims of fears that impair their freedom of action or choice. Be candidates for paranoia feeling "others'' are out to get them. Scare others away from them by their defensive attitude. Be over-controlled emotionally, having problems letting others in on their emotions. This can lead others to guess what is going on until the passivity of the insecure person leads to an over-reaction by the others, resulting in conflict or rejection. Have problems on the job or in school when they have the knowledge, skills and abilities to do a task efficiently but are told to do it in a different, less effective manner. They get so uptight about the job and are fearful of standing up for what they believe that they get angry, hostile, and resentful until they either quit or succeed in submerging their emotions. Get passed over for promotions, advances, or honors because they are so quiet about what it is they do. This leads the insecure persons to feel more unaccepted, unappreciated, and under-valued. Have problems meeting people and often can become debilitated socially by chronic shyness. Become so inward that they seek to escape into their fantasy life rather than deal with the reality of their lives.
How can insecurity be overcome?
In order to overcome insecurity, people need to:Be willing to be put in vulnerable positions in life where they might get hurt. Take risks to change their current behavior. Trust others enough to expose themselves to them, risking vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt. Have a healthy and humorous belief in themselves in order to overlook their exaggerated need for acceptance and approval. Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs. Practice assertive behavior in their lives, earning respect and the acknowledgment of their rights. Arouse the courage to take small steps in learning to experience success and overcoming their lack of belief in self. Once the success is experienced, they can build on it to gain the courage to act out of a strong conviction in their self-goodness and worth. Break the barrier or outer shell of the self-doubt they have hidden behind and reach out to others. Breaking out of their ``shells'' requires letting go of past hurts (real or imagined) and moving on with life. Open themselves to the possibility of success and accomplishment. Visualize or make a prophecy of winning at life so their energies are focused in a growth direction. Reward themselves for who they are and capitalize on their strengths, attributes, skills, and competencies.
Rick said
Sep 2, 2005
NO
I guess i'm secure. I just get a little touch of depression.
Things get better--use to be a big case of depression.
hey I just said no and read this-- a different form of NO
Saying No
For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a good employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If were scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: No isn't really that hard to say.
Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.
-- Edited by Rick at 07:57, 2005-09-02
nancyjo59 said
Sep 2, 2005
Insecure?? Heck yeah!!
Getting better tho!!
Good post Phil, Still havent named that poor cat, window pane would be perfect Phil...it just reminds me of the days back in the 70's.
Nancy Jo
Rick said
Sep 2, 2005
hEY NANCY JO
I LOST A CAT A WHILE BACK,ANYWAY WINDOW PAIN REMINDS ME. HE USE TO COME EVERY NIGHT AND HANG IN THE WINDOW SCREEN MEOWING UNTIL I LET HIM IN . HE WAS A STRAY I NAMED HIM JUNIOR, BECAUSE HE LOOKED JUST LIKE MY OTHER BLACK CAT. I KINDA MISS THE LITTLE S---T
Phil said
Sep 2, 2005
yaaaa-we get attatched to the little critters. Have one here. I call her "Pain In Ass" --keeps jumping on my head at 3am--and saying "Wake up!! Its time to Play!!
Awww --I love the little Sh--t anyway:) $%$##%%
You 2 have a good slow day!!
Phil said
Sep 2, 2005
And saying "NO"!!! ?? It depends whos askin-roflmao
nancyjo59 said
Sep 2, 2005
AWWW sorry to hear about junior. Getting woke up by a cat at 3:00 am could be worse. God know...waking up with a total stranger is scary.
Threw the name for my Cat Phylis around for awhile...just didnt seem to fit...sorry Phil. I guess having a cat for a namesake isnt the best legacy.
Suggestions for cat names would be appreciated!!!
Give you some details of the little thing:
Arrived on the porch...couldn't of been a few weeks old
Black with bulging green eyes and ears too big for her body.
When you pick her up she purrs like nobodys business.
Deffinately going to be an outside cat, my dog Chance has major jealousy issues...Have the bruises on my legs to prove it. ( only trying to feed the poor thing thru the kitchen window)
A little skittish at times...but" boy oh boy' can that thing take a flying leap and run up a tree faster than Lance Armstrong can peddle his bike.
Runs from anyone other than myself...and comes up from behind to give their legs a swat!!
That pretty much sums her up. Seriously needs a name "here Kitty Kitty is too typical"
At a loss for a name.
Nancy Jo
Rick said
Sep 2, 2005
My strays geta name in time.
They develop there own. My other cat is black. When he showed up he was blackie, then as time went on he became buggy and then bugs. Bet u can't guess why?? I can't get a thing done when I get on here. OH well The site takes some time now. Not like it was for awhile. Quiet
Insecurity is:Feeling of not being ``good enough'' to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict, or concerns. Belief that one is inadequate or incompetent to handle life's challenges. Fear of being discovered as inadequate, ill fitted, or unsuited to meet responsibilities at home, school, or on the job. Sense of not fitting in, being ``out of synch'' with those in your peer group. Perception that life is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood. Sense of always climbing up a mountain, never being able to reach the top. Sense of lacking support or reinforcement where you live, work, or play. Results from a sense of being unaccepted, disapproved, or rejected. Inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are, and what responses are appropriate for events in life.
Why are people insecure?
Insecure people may have:Been raised in a chaotic, unpredictable, or volatile environment in which they were kept off balance, on guard, or on edge. Experienced a major tragedy or loss in their lives and are having a difficult time in accepting this loss and adjusting to the ``change.'' Experienced a major ``failure'' in life (e.g., divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy, failure in school, losing a friend, lack of acceptance into social or civic groups, etc.) that led them to question their personal competency. A poorly developed self-concept with low self-esteem, lacking belief in their personal goodness, skills, or abilities. Never felt accepted by the ``others'' in their life, so much so that they became chronically shy, retiring, and withdrawn in their interactions. Had an unrealistic list of rules and expectations prescribed by significant others in their life, rules they are striving to meet even in their current life. A poor body image, making them believe that others see them in a negative light. This makes them self-conscious, tense, and anxious in dealing with others. Never received enough positive reinforcement or feedback from others about their talents and abilities, leaving them unclear as to their skills. Been given very little direction, guidance, or discipline in their earlier lives leaving them unable to cope with the current pressures of life. Always felt overshadowed or overlooked due to the people in their lives who seemed to be more successful, smarter, prettier, more handsome, more athletic, higher achievers, getting much attention. This can foster doubt in an insecure person's ability to gain recognition for their successes, and can make them doubt their ability to achieve success.
What do chronically insecure people believe?I can never accomplish the task facing me! Everybody is looking at me, just waiting for me to make a fool of myself! I am a failure! I am ugly and awful to look at! I can never win. I am a loser. What is the sense of trying, I'll never get it right! No matter how hard I work to achieve, I never get any recognition! I am incompetent in everything. How could anybody ever say anything good about me? I failed them in the past; therefore, I am a failure today! Once a failure, always a failure! There is only one direction for me to go in this organization and that is down and outNo one could ever like, respect, or accept me! I don't deserve to be treated nicely! I don't fit in here or anywhere else for that matter! Everyone else looks so good, so together; I feel so out of it compared to them! I am an incomplete person and will always be that way! I am so afraid that no one will like me! Why would anyone care to hear what I say, how I feel, or what I think? People are just nice to you in order to use you and get something they want from you!
What are some negative effects of insecurity?
People who are insecure can:Have difficulties in establishing healthy, long-lasting relationships. Be perceived incorrectly by others as being snobbish or uppity; therefore, they are avoided due to the others' misperceptions. Become victims of fears that impair their freedom of action or choice. Be candidates for paranoia feeling "others'' are out to get them. Scare others away from them by their defensive attitude. Be over-controlled emotionally, having problems letting others in on their emotions. This can lead others to guess what is going on until the passivity of the insecure person leads to an over-reaction by the others, resulting in conflict or rejection. Have problems on the job or in school when they have the knowledge, skills and abilities to do a task efficiently but are told to do it in a different, less effective manner. They get so uptight about the job and are fearful of standing up for what they believe that they get angry, hostile, and resentful until they either quit or succeed in submerging their emotions. Get passed over for promotions, advances, or honors because they are so quiet about what it is they do. This leads the insecure persons to feel more unaccepted, unappreciated, and under-valued. Have problems meeting people and often can become debilitated socially by chronic shyness. Become so inward that they seek to escape into their fantasy life rather than deal with the reality of their lives.
How can insecurity be overcome?
In order to overcome insecurity, people need to:Be willing to be put in vulnerable positions in life where they might get hurt. Take risks to change their current behavior. Trust others enough to expose themselves to them, risking vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt. Have a healthy and humorous belief in themselves in order to overlook their exaggerated need for acceptance and approval. Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs. Practice assertive behavior in their lives, earning respect and the acknowledgment of their rights. Arouse the courage to take small steps in learning to experience success and overcoming their lack of belief in self. Once the success is experienced, they can build on it to gain the courage to act out of a strong conviction in their self-goodness and worth. Break the barrier or outer shell of the self-doubt they have hidden behind and reach out to others. Breaking out of their ``shells'' requires letting go of past hurts (real or imagined) and moving on with life. Open themselves to the possibility of success and accomplishment. Visualize or make a prophecy of winning at life so their energies are focused in a growth direction. Reward themselves for who they are and capitalize on their strengths, attributes, skills, and competencies.
NO
I guess i'm secure. I just get a little touch of depression.
Things get better--use to be a big case of depression.
hey I just said no and read this-- a different form of NO
Saying No
For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a good employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If were scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: No isn't really that hard to say.
Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.
-- Edited by Rick at 07:57, 2005-09-02
Insecure?? Heck yeah!!
Getting better tho!!
Good post Phil, Still havent named that poor cat, window pane would be perfect Phil...it just reminds me of the days back in the 70's.
Nancy Jo
hEY NANCY JO
I LOST A CAT A WHILE BACK,ANYWAY WINDOW PAIN REMINDS ME. HE USE TO COME EVERY NIGHT AND HANG IN THE WINDOW SCREEN MEOWING UNTIL I LET HIM IN . HE WAS A STRAY I NAMED HIM JUNIOR, BECAUSE HE LOOKED JUST LIKE MY OTHER BLACK CAT. I KINDA MISS THE LITTLE S---T
yaaaa-we get attatched to the little critters. Have one here. I call her "Pain In Ass" --keeps jumping on my head at 3am--and saying "Wake up!! Its time to Play!!
Awww --I love the little Sh--t anyway:) $%$##%%
You 2 have a good slow day!!
AWWW sorry to hear about junior. Getting woke up by a cat at 3:00 am could be worse. God know...waking up with a total stranger is scary.
Threw the name for my Cat Phylis around for awhile...just didnt seem to fit...sorry Phil. I guess having a cat for a namesake isnt the best legacy.
Suggestions for cat names would be appreciated!!!
Give you some details of the little thing:
Arrived on the porch...couldn't of been a few weeks old
Black with bulging green eyes and ears too big for her body.
When you pick her up she purrs like nobodys business.
Deffinately going to be an outside cat, my dog Chance has major jealousy issues...Have the bruises on my legs to prove it. ( only trying to feed the poor thing thru the kitchen window)
A little skittish at times...but" boy oh boy' can that thing take a flying leap and run up a tree faster than Lance Armstrong can peddle his bike.
Runs from anyone other than myself...and comes up from behind to give their legs a swat!!
That pretty much sums her up. Seriously needs a name "here Kitty Kitty is too typical"
At a loss for a name.
Nancy Jo
My strays geta name in time.
They develop there own. My other cat is black. When he showed up he was blackie, then as time went on he became buggy and then bugs. Bet u can't guess why?? I can't get a thing done when I get on here. OH well The site takes some time now. Not like it was for awhile. Quiet