2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
32. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
43. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
45. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Rick said
Aug 29, 2005
Insanity --doing the same thing over and over expecting different results???"?????
Phil said
Aug 29, 2005
Hey Gammy? If one can eat a 72 ounze steak in an hour, and get it free--does that mean--that if one eats 2 of them in an hour--they pay me for one of them? hahaha
This travelling stuff isnt going to happen for 20 months yet-still have one kid to ship out to college.:) so-hang tough eh? :)
And Doll? Youre on.
Chicken hu? Do you guys take the feathers off first? or just add ketsup, like we do? hahaha
The next big step here, is trying to get the US of A to let me in. Thall be a sales job, Im sure.
I wonder how fast one has to go, to pull off an "Evil K-neival" over the Niagara river.
Rick said
Aug 29, 2005
Hey Phil
When u jump the Niagara, head East on the NYS thruway and u'll bump right in to us.
20 months --gonna get out of the snow AAAAAAAAAA?????
Doll said
Aug 29, 2005
Awwwwsome!!!
Love ya, Phil!
GammyRose said
Aug 29, 2005
Hey guys, This is the first post I read when I got here today, why? Because insanity rules my life , even though I'm getting better. I actually stayed away from the very drunk alcoholic in my life yesterday.
I love these questions," Would a fly without wings be called a walk." We could ponder these forever.But I must get busy...darn.
Twenty months Phil,that's a loooong time, we may have to come see you in Canada.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Phil said
Aug 29, 2005
You want to come to Canada?? no problemo:)
How r yu with whale blubber on toast-roflmao Hafta bring a battery operated electric blanket tho--it gets cold in this damned igloo.:) How r yu makin out with the packing and moving stuff--and have you got a place to move into?
Rick--peice of cake-finding you Bud.
And Doll? --take the damned feathers off the chickens will yu.? Im getting tired of spitting out fearthers. lol
Phil said
Aug 29, 2005
Snow Rick? To be honest about it---you likely get more than we do:) and the climate is almost the same.:)
Dont beleive everything I tell yu. lol
angelia2823 said
Aug 29, 2005
so its true about you canadians living in igloos.
god that must be cold then.....how do you do it?
can you really eat whale blubber.....thought they used that for oil lamps?
what do i know.
well phil keep warm and god bless.
Cabbageheadchris said
Aug 29, 2005
One to add to the list Phil: Is Procrastabation something you do when your horny and have better things to do than having a ****!
Ah well, thats my attempt at humor!
Bye for now.
Chris.
Doll said
Aug 29, 2005
Phil, darlin',
You got lots to learn bout good ole southern cookin. The feathers are considered a delicacy, along with the beaks and feet as a side dish. Add some collard greens with fatback and you got food so good it'll make wanna kick your dog
Doll
cheri said
Aug 30, 2005
Hey Phil? We got the "Macho Nachos" where I work...you get a free t shirt if you finish it all by your self!
How come all alcoholics talk about food so much???
Love, cheri
Phil said
Aug 30, 2005
Hey Cheri-hows it goin? Free T shirts hu.? Sounds like a plan. Xmas presents.
Why do we talk about food so much? Because if we all talked about sex-wede all get booted off of here-roflmao
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he
knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told
me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters
wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as
mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands
with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest
speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is
he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens
to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
sweaty things.
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what
they do "practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it
all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his
wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they
afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless
or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he
has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly
bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow
road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk
about other people.
27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but
not be able to say it.
28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in
large groups.
29. The older you get, the better you realize you
were.
30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with
yesterday.
32. Women like silent men, they think they're
listening.
33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal
with it.
34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach
him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink
beer all day.
35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on
Wednesdays?
36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they
go back to?
37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?
38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience
sitting?
39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest
have to drown too?
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it
still #2?
42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay
you to do it?
43. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still
be hungry?
44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you
done?
45. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot
at them?
Insanity --doing the same thing over and over expecting different results???"?????
Hey Gammy? If one can eat a 72 ounze steak in an hour, and get it free--does that mean--that if one eats 2 of them in an hour--they pay me for one of them? hahaha
This travelling stuff isnt going to happen for 20 months yet-still have one kid to ship out to college.:) so-hang tough eh? :)
And Doll? Youre on.
Chicken hu? Do you guys take the feathers off first? or just add ketsup, like we do? hahaha
The next big step here, is trying to get the US of A to let me in. Thall be a sales job, Im sure.
I wonder how fast one has to go, to pull off an "Evil K-neival" over the Niagara river.
Hey Phil
When u jump the Niagara, head East on the NYS thruway and u'll bump right in to us.
20 months --gonna get out of the snow AAAAAAAAAA?????
Awwwwsome!!!
Love ya, Phil!
Hey guys, This is the first post I read when I got here today, why? Because insanity rules my life , even though I'm getting better. I actually stayed away from the very drunk alcoholic in my life yesterday.
I love these questions," Would a fly without wings be called a walk." We could ponder these forever.But I must get busy...darn.
Twenty months Phil,that's a loooong time, we may have to come see you in Canada.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
You want to come to Canada?? no problemo:)
How r yu with whale blubber on toast-roflmao Hafta bring a battery operated electric blanket tho--it gets cold in this damned igloo.:) How r yu makin out with the packing and moving stuff--and have you got a place to move into?
Rick--peice of cake-finding you Bud.
And Doll? --take the damned feathers off the chickens will yu.? Im getting tired of spitting out fearthers. lol
Snow Rick? To be honest about it---you likely get more than we do:) and the climate is almost the same.:)
Dont beleive everything I tell yu. lol
so its true about you canadians living in igloos.
god that must be cold then.....how do you do it?
can you really eat whale blubber.....thought they used that for oil lamps?
what do i know.
well phil keep warm and god bless.
One to add to the list Phil: Is Procrastabation something you do when your horny and have better things to do than having a ****!
Ah well, thats my attempt at humor!
Bye for now.
Chris.
Phil, darlin',
You got lots to learn bout good ole southern cookin. The feathers are considered a delicacy, along with the beaks and feet as a side dish. Add some collard greens with fatback and you got food so good it'll make wanna kick your dog
Doll
Hey Phil? We got the "Macho Nachos" where I work...you get a free t shirt if you finish it all by your self!
How come all alcoholics talk about food so much???
Love, cheri
Hey Cheri-hows it goin? Free T shirts hu.? Sounds like a plan. Xmas presents.
Why do we talk about food so much? Because if we all talked about sex-wede all get booted off of here-roflmao
Have a nice night.
PHIL,
DON'T YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH............ROFLMAO