Amy Winehouse is singin' that stupid song in my head... it seems my husband (as well as my best "friend") want me to go to rehab instead of AA.  And I said....  !!!
So.... not sure I'm going to get much support from the hubby (best friend person lives really far & her opinion is pretty much a non-issue)   I don't need medical help w/ detoxing... I haven't been arrested or in jail & haven't hurt anyone other than myself.  Is there any reason I should do that?  I worry that it would be like having a criminal record or something... probably silly, but still!  I want to go to a meeting every day for 90 days & REALLY work the steps this time... frankly, their resistance to AA just makes me even more determined.  I guess they don't trust me (why should they?) & they don't think AA will work... I guess that don't know it works if you work it etc...

-- Edited by Posey on Friday 22nd of October 2010 12:28:20 AM

Rehab is for short term seperation from alcohol to get you started in a safe environment away from alcohol

When you leave they will suggest you go to AA, AA is for lifelong sobriety

When I got sober we used to call rehabs "10,000 dollar big books" and if you ask around, you will notice just about all the people who are sober themselves who are working in rehabs also attend AA

AA isn't for people who need it, AA is for people who want it, whereas rehab is for people who need it but may not want it, there are clinical studies that show with a 90-180 day stay that can be turned around now, rehabs have made great strides in the last decade (by studying and emulating AA true but strides nonetheless)

If you are unable to string 30 days together and need a safe alcohol free place for a short while, Rehab is not such a bad idea, it doesn't go on your "criminal record"

AA does work "if you work it" but your husband is probably looking at your track record, which is 0-3, so he has every right to be concerned and be sceptical of your latest plan, which has "failed" 3 times so far by his estimation

It's up to us to regain the trust of those around us whose lives we have hurt with our drinking, even if that hurt is a series of failed promises to quit drinking, and we do that with action not words, action like getting and staying sober and working the steps, and while working the steps we write out an entire relationship history and resentment list, go over them with a sponsor to see where we have harmed others and then make amends,  which has nothing to do with apologizing, and everything to do with repairing harms done and insuring we don't do them again

Either way, if you are serious about this you will end up in AA working the steps with a sponsor, it's up to you if you want a "safe place" for the first 30 days or not

-- Edited by LinBaba on Friday 22nd of October 2010 12:52:03 AM

Posey, what I do know is that it is far more difficult to get sober while in a marriage. Most alcoholics have to lose the marriage before "hitting bottom" and getting serious about working the program. It's usually after all the enablers leave that the alcoholic gets scared and the gifts of desperation and willingness appear. That's how it worked for me. I tried for 2 years to go to AA and save my marriage. good luck with it.

I remember taking that attitude with my alcoholic wife and the issue was as Dean said
"fear".  We learn much about that emotion while inventorying our addiction.  I also
resisted alot to the fellowship when I first got here and what helped was getting a
sponsor who taught me not to put anything in the way of another members support
of my own growth in sobriety.  I learned to stop fighting...keep and open mind and
practice, practice, practice.

My spouse got a sponsor and good one and that is about the only thing I didn't
object to or fight about her search for sobriety.

Might be a very best thing for yourself or very first thing for your self before trying
to react to all the other stuff.   You know what you desire most and they know what
you've done in the past...not trusting you is a given.  You'll handle that in the
future as your sober program grows.  Meeting my spouses sponsor put me at ease
some and it worked some.

You seem to voice a strong desire to be sober the AA way without being confined to
indoors.  You might also keep and open mind about rehab also.  I am a past
A&SA therapist who use to practice both outpatient and inpatient.  We did use some
of the steps in our program and a few of my clients went on to long term sobriety.
None of us have a guarantee regarding sobriety forever...We all do it one day at a
time as suggested.

Start now and with commitment.  Suggest to your spouse and family that they
also check in to the Al-Anon Family Groups for parent, friends and family of Alcoholics
and Addicts.   Good luck.   In support  (((((hugs)))))

I am with Bob K on this.  Everyone must choose their own path.  But for me rehab gave me 31 days to learn more about myself and what my issues relly were.  And fortunately, in my rehab facility we went to meetings every night so it enabled me to experience the program.  Frankly, rehab gave me the time, without the ability to drink, to realize that I really wanted this life.

-- Edited by ferrisdp on Friday 22nd of October 2010 10:09:28 AM

I briefly considered rehab... actually, a local hospital was running billboard ads for a year or more before I got sober and most everyone remembers those ads.  I was thinking of the rehab as more of an escape or break from the routine, but that was before I got a new job.  I had been blaming my escalating drinking on my old job and figured with my new job, I wouldn't "have to drink as much".  Just a few weeks into the new job, I was drinking just as much and realized I couldn't stay sober even for one night.  I had fought long and hard to get that job and checking into a 30 day rehab when you're the new guy just didn't seem like a good way to start things off.  So I ended up calling AA, almost on a whim.  The person who answered the phone - I later learned that the "AA" number is staffed by volunteers - said off the cuff, well you can not drink and go to meetings, or go spend 10 grand in rehab for 30 days and THEN go to meetings.  You can tell this was a while ago... I doubt if 10 grand would buy you 30 days in anybody's rehab anymore.

An old friend and business associate's wife is an alcoholic.  It's funny because when we met 30 years ago, they were engaged and I ended up getting drunk with his future wife one evening waiting for him to come home.  She hasn't gotten sober and he finally divorced her after all this time.   He is convinced AA doesnt' work because she went to a few meetings and didn't get sober.  She apparently told him that people were drinking *at* the meetings.  LOL.  That tells me that she never went to any meetings at all, or that whatever she went to wasn't an AA meeting.  The thing is, she's a classic old-fashioned alcoholic... from a family of them, she's not into drugs -- or even denial.  I'm pretty sure she knows what she is... just a matter of willingness.  For her, rehab may be a good option because she probably will need medical attention for detoxing, and she's not likely to "get" AA until some of the fog lifts, and so far she hasn't been able to do it on her own.  And she can afford rehab - both in terms of time, and money.  But then again, she can also afford, in terms of time and money, to keep on drinking.

It's interesting too because this friend is one of the few people who knew me in my drinking days (outside of family) that I am still in contact with today.  One of the easiest things suggestions for me to follow in my early sobriety was "Don't hang out with your old drinking buddies".  I didn't have any.

Barisax

Thank you all for sharing your incredible wisdom. Like Barisax, I don't have any drinking buddies. In fact, the one coule we used to occasionally drink w/ have both stopped due to medical issues. I'm sticking w/ AA. Meeting a gal at today's meeting who has just a few more days than me---accountability for both of us. And I do have a sponsor offer--if I don't see her there today to accept I'll call her when I get home. That part is a LITTLE bit hard for me---asking for help, or feeling like I'm "putting someone out". Have to remember that sponsoring is part of her recovery too, I guess. I'm really excited to continue this journey the right way.... no half measures!

Posey I pray for your courage to reach out and ask "please help me"  because it was
exactly what I needed and decided to do or else  suffer a painful demise.  I had not
ever said those words before and then said them alot when I finally arrived an needing
rather than just wanting sobriety. 

Practice, Practice, Practice....

Hi-I noticed you keep saying the "right way" or "doing it right". When I look at my sobriety as something I have to do right I am undermining my self without even knowing it, becasue that kind of thinking is a sneaky way to tell myself I am still in control-powerful over alcohol, tho not in those words. What the steps teach me is that I am not the one in control and I can only "stay sober a step at a time, a day at a time, with the help of others and my higher power. For what it's worth, decent professional treatment does not have to be at odds with AA in any aspect-they may be mutually adjunctive. Treatment, if it is well done, is not just about safe detox and time-out. Done right, the current education about relapse prevention is excellent information to have.

Yup, LB is right. I went to a 90 day treatment facility and now attend AA on a regular basis. I'm also a counselor in a treatment center. I wouldn't be able to maintain my sobriety if I didn't attend my own meetings. Rehab is a safe place where they will teach you how to deal with the underlying issues of alcoholism. It really isn't a "one or the other" choice. Whether or not you go to rehab is up to you, but if your going the AA rout meeting for life are a definite must. Many of the treatment centers are 12 step based anyway,m so you'll get a great start in AA. Good luck to you, and let us know how your doing. K.....

Hi

One thing about Rehab or other Programs.

Make sure you get ALL the costs in writing.

Also it depends on which Program you really need to go to.

I thought employer was going to cover half and found out later it was not true.  Due to that after so many days stay was told I would have to either pay up or leave.

So make sure you do your homework and find out All the costs.

There are also many out-patient programs available too--you see a counselor a few days a week, have group sessions and go to AA meetings and they are usually right at the treatment center.

And yes the cost is a lot less then in-patient.

Hope this helps.

Well, you do have a dilema. The thing I see is people who do not understand the alcoholic seem to know what's best and do so, however right or wrong they may be, out of love. My experience with rehab, and I did not go to rehab, I only know what I have seen with folks that did, is that recidivism is very high and folks are steered into AA by the rehabs anyway. If you are having physical problems or experiencing DT's maybe rehab might get you healthy enough to slip into the fellowship and begin the wonderful adventure of a whole and happy life that AA offers. There is always that person that thinks they know best. But I think that sometimes they can do more harm than good. Al- anon addresses family issues for those who've been affected by the active alcoholic. I hope you continue with meetings and fare well with your efforts. I'll keep you in my prayers.

I didnt need a treatment center or rehabilitation center. I detoxed myself at my last drunk which was pretty bad ... but also when God took the obsession/compulsion to drink away from me, so not all that bad really. I had a sponsor already secured cuz' she was my sponsor for the first couple years in and out of the doors of AA meetings and she was willing to still help me. So, I got serious and I got busy following her suggestions and we worked the steps. Which is where true sobriety really is. And btw .. I found out by working these steps that I did in fact harm other ppl while I was drinking. I certainly didnt think I did at the time, but working and applying the steps to me was how I got honest with me and found that I not only harmed me while drinking but I most definately hurt the ones I loved by drinking too. I couldnt deny it anymore. I also found that me getting sober was just that .. Me getting sober and I had to put aside for the time being what everyone else thought and did as far as my sobriety was concerned. Was this selfish ?? Absolutely not !! It was and still is considered as getting ME healthy.

Posey, This is what My experience was, and it's working pretty well for me. My ultimatum to sober-up came from my employer. My wife ratified it and our relationship was very, very rocky and tense until I made progress. I have had lapses and relapses. I began the sobriety journey 15 1/2 months ago and my last drink was 124 days ago. This is my longest stretch yet. I went to AA exclusively in the beginning. I worked the Steps, but didn't utilize the fellowship outside of meetings (phone calls!!) and first lapsed, then had a couple of full-on relapses. My shrink suggested Intensive Outpatient Rehab (group). 16 weeks at 9 hours per week. In AA I got the spiritual elements and moral compass required to stay sober. In IOP I got the scientific "why" and "how" of addiction and for me, that helped TREMENDOUSLY!!! I also was able to add many psychologically & phsysiologically based tools to my "stay away from that first drink" toolbox. I made many new recovery-partners, and did some Step 12 work in the process. My perspective was broadened and my understanding increased. I also gained comeradie. I "graduated" four weeks ago and attend AA 5x/week. That was my Experience...it gives me Strength...and I pray it gives you Hope. SIDE NOTE... My marriage is better now. My job is better now. My life is better now. I DID NOT have to lose my Codies to pull my head out of my ass and see the light. I just had to ACCEPT who and what I am and HUMBLY move forward. ADVICE... Is not what We do. We share in a general way what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. We share our Experience, Strength and Hope that we may help others recover from alcoholism. Advice is what counselors do. Peace, Rob

No matter which route you take, I wish you well.

The main reason people cycle in and out of rehabs is BECAUSE they DON'T go to AA/NA meetings consistently afterwards. Make no mistake, rehab is only the place to get started in sobriety. AA is the treatment. Rehab is only necessary when you absolutely cannot stop drinking or using enough to even get a couple days sobriety. It sounds like your husband thinks alcoholism is something you can go to the hospital for and be cured. It also sounds like you know better. Trust your instincts.

Mark

P.S. Not downing rehab.  I think it is wonderful and necessary.  Unfortunately, too many people take the Linsey Lohan approach to it and don't work a program afterwards and too many people think rehab is the treatment for addiction when in fact it is only the start of treatment or the treatment for when we are at our most critical point.  As I stated before, a program of recovery is the treatment for addiction.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 26th of October 2010 08:52:57 AM