we'll see if it sticks anyways..

ok another day in the life of Wendy

i planned to sit on the computer for just a little while..drat...5 hours later i made myself go do something else. Got a good rain here today which was nice after all the really hot weather we/ve had. Made some phone calls about meetings tonight and pretty much decided on which one i was going to. Got a call back a couple hours later and ended up with a ride to a meeting which is always nice. So we get to the meeting and no one is there with keys to open the door...wait a while, they finally showed up. While people were buzzing around trying to get pamphlets out and coffee on the clock is ticking...my friend says "so, what time does this 7:00 meeting start"?

small meeting but good all the same.'

off we go to another meeting a couple blocks away for 8 pm, great meeting, after that a bunch of people were going to this guy's house to watch a movie and asked me to come along. I ALWAYS say no to these offers. But ya know, i really need to hang around recovering people more often so this time i agreed. I spent lots of time alone this last week and really needed the company. After running to the movie store etc we get to his house and 3 people use the phone, great my turn. Meanwhile my daughter had gone out of town for the weekend and i wasn't sure what time i would be home, not knowing when i leftthat i wouldn't be home straight after that first meeting. Anyway my daughter answers the phone by this time it's going on 10:00. She said she missed me, where was I and when would I be home??? I said after the movie.

So i get home , my daughter comes out finally from her room to talk to me, and she is almost in tears. Telling me how worried she was about me. She said to be honest mom I'm really scared of losing you again. She said its easy for you to 'say' that you don't want that life anymore and have no intention of going back but you just don't know what might happen, in the blink of an eye. She's right. I feel horrible. She feels that way because of me. Because of my past actions. I can't change it. I can't take those feelings and fears away from her. I wish i could.

She said you never leave home without leaving a note, even if you just go down the block to the store you leave a note. I didn't today because no one was home and i hadn't planned on being out all evening. I told her that i called as soon as i could. She said ya know mom, for all that time you just may have been doing something else for all i know. oh boy. Thats trust i have damaged.

I've been talking to someone at meetings the past little while about recovery and learning lots from this person, While driving home tonight i got some great insight into what i've been going through the last week. I shared on some stuff that i haven't wanted to bore anyone with at meetings. I've been trying to meet up with my sponsor for coffee for the last month, we can't seem to get together, she's working or i'm working or she hasn't been reachable. Think i may need to find a new sponsor. That feeling i've had in my tummy they say may be fear or even anger, and the only way it's going to go away is by sharing about it. How true that feeling is somewhat better after our talk but not completely gone yet, guess that means i have some more sharing to do.

I was told that God doesn't test us but the 'guy downstairs' does. That makes sense to me.

i don't have to obsess about drinking so much today but i guess i've been obsessing about other stuff. gotta quit that. can't afford to drive myself crazy or back to drinking and using. Not sure which comes first the crazy part or the drinking part.

Anyways i think i calmed my daughter down enough, now i just gotta calm my mind.lots of stuff to think about and i think i should start with some prayer and meditation.

 I'm sorry that she lives with this fear.dang time takes time, nothing i can do but stay sober and work the program. oh and always make sure i leave a note!!

thanks for listening, night now

Wendy

 

 

i don't know how i forgot this but i found out when i got home tonight that a friend of mine was killed in an accident yesterday. I think that may have been one of the reasons my daughter was so upset to. His kids, well, i just can't imagine what they are going through. We just don't know when we see or talk to someone if it will be the last time. Hugs to you all, Wendy

Life happens my freind. Some days are easy. Some arent. But we get to learn how to deal with all this stuff sober, and thats a big change hu?

Took me a long time to slow the mind train down.

Have a great day in slow God mode. Your worth it. And there are those around you that think you are too.

Keep on truckin, and have a great day!!  Now where in "H" is first  gear?? lol

Got it!!  chug chug chug

Hi wendy, yep, work, work, work! what your AA friends said about sharing is so true. I encourage you to share until the problem has no hold over you. how long does it take? for me I never know, lol I have gone to meetings for a solid month or more before I felt any relief on what was bothering me.

you didn't want to bore anybody? no way wendy I have found no matter what I need to share the group is always there listening and supportive. and hun all except the inner most personal stuff which I share with my sponsor, I talk to the group. if I don't I am cheating myself out of all the combined experience, strength, and hope of the many different supporters. it gives me a chance to take what I like and leave the rest -vs- one persons opinion.

thats why when I eat out usually I go someplace where they have a buffet, lmao! take care girl and remember, many can carry more weight that a few. and sometimes my load is so great it takes many just to hold the damm thing up!

Love and Peace,......................... Bobby Dean.

 

hey girl,

i am so emotionally drained that i can barely keep it together myself today.  wish i had some really wonderful poetic and profetic thing to say.

the only thing i got is a faith that by doing the right thing god will provide.

i'm hanging in there and i am not giving up i am stubborn that way as long as i don't feed into my feelings and do the next right thing i know i will feel better about life and things. 

hope this helps i am sorry i can't contribute more...thank-you for your support the other day it meant alot.

hang in there and god bless i love you.

Wendy, I totally understand what you mean by trust. I was quite the abusive drunk and sober I'm pretty calm and quiet. My children still can't accept this calmness - even though its been 11 years. They can tell you in detail how mean I was, like it happened yesterday. It use to bother me, but I made my amends and the rest is up to them. I know, in my heart they will forgive - in HIS time, not mine. The only thing I can do is stay sober and stay healthy. When that time comes, when trust is renewed, it will be the best gift I can give them. I'm sorry about your friends death. I'll never understand the Mysteries of this world and have given up trying to figure them out. Twice, I have known recovering alcoholics who were killed in car accidents. One was sober for about a year. Hit AA everyday and was killed on his way to college. He was changing his world, but for some reason time ran out. The other was a 24 year old kid, who knew the damage his drinking had caused and was slowly changing his life also. Both of these men drove drunk many times, but it was in sobriety that death came... it is kind of a wonderful thought, I hope and pray that when my time comes, I die sober... In my thoughts and prayers, Dave Creating Dreams

go figure, i finally got to see your replies, why? cause it IS in God's time not mine...lol

thanks for your words Bobby, i really like what you said about cheating myself by not sharing.thats where the action comes in eh? :)

Hang in there yourself Ellen, we'll get through this together. Emotional hangovers are better than a booze hangover anyday! if i work the program to the best of my ability today i don't think i'll have a hangover tomorrow

Dave? yep, me too, i hope and pray i go clean and sober

Hey Phil? I think my shifter was on backwards!!!

hugs, Wendy