There are offenses given & offenses not given but taken. —Izaak Walton
We bring on a lot of unnecessary suffering by being supersensitive. How often, for example, do we get our feelings hurt by what someone else has said? If this is a regular refrain in our lives, we may need to listen more closely to what is actually being said. Perhaps it’s a whole lot less than what we are hearing.
If our basic posture in life is defensive, we find ulterior motives everywhere. Then there can be no such thing as a simple statement that simply means what it means. No! Then what is said is not nearly so important as why it is said. When we’re listening for motives rather than messages, we hear what we expect to hear. If we expect to be personally attacked, that’s the way we’ll translate whatever is said to us. Most of the time the speaker intended no such thing & may not even be aware that we are hurt.
Supersensitivity is always a sign of low self-esteem. It’s a symptom of a deeper disorder called chronic defensiveness. Except in wartime, it isn’t necessary to look for aggressors behind every bush. It isn’t appropriate to “hear” put-downs & insults when none were spoken. Until we deal with that defensiveness, we have to accept responsibility for our own hurt feelings.
As I grow in self-esteem, I become less vulnerable to imagined slights
—Izaak Walton
We bring on a lot of unnecessary suffering by being supersensitive. How often, for example, do we get our feelings hurt by what someone else has said? If this is a regular refrain in our lives, we may need to listen more closely to what is actually being said. Perhaps it’s a whole lot less than what we are hearing.
If our basic posture in life is defensive, we find ulterior motives everywhere. Then there can be no such thing as a simple statement that simply means what it means. No! Then what is said is not nearly so important as why it is said. When we’re listening for motives rather than messages, we hear what we expect to hear. If we expect to be personally attacked, that’s the way we’ll translate whatever is said to us. Most of the time the speaker intended no such thing & may not even be aware that we are hurt.
Supersensitivity is always a sign of low self-esteem. It’s a symptom of a deeper disorder called chronic defensiveness. Except in wartime, it isn’t necessary to look for aggressors behind every bush. It isn’t appropriate to “hear” put-downs & insults when none were spoken. Until we deal with that defensiveness, we have to accept responsibility for our own hurt feelings.
As I grow in self-esteem, I become less vulnerable to imagined slights