Hi all.

Well, I had a pretty good day. Work was not bad I had 1/2 day today,  got a lot accomplished I'd been avoiding. Was able to get myself to a noon BB study, had lunch with a friend and relaxed by the pool for a while. THEN, the sh&# hit the fan. It's my son's weekend w/his dad, he's 14, and I thought all was well until the about an hour ago. The phone rings, he's upset and wants me to come get him (I did). His dad is drunk! Nothing new, but it's getting OLD! Dad is sometimes a hell raising know it all loud mouth  when he drinks, and my son is at an age where he wants to fight back. I'm sooo terrified that one day he will hurt his father (not the other way around) and will be devasted that he did.  I have tried to encourage my son it's OK to just stay home, he doesn't have to go. His dad's drinking seems to be sparadic,  so it's forgotten pretty quickly by the kid, AND it doesn't always wind up being such a mess (I'm not making excuses, just explaining what it's like). My heart has always broken for my son when this happens and it REALLY breaks now that I am in recovery.  I now  see what I have done to him with my own drinking. However, I have never physically or verbally abused him, but he was neglected a lot because I preferred to drink. This I am so terribly sorry for.  And I am on the road to making it up to him (he's expressed how I've changed in a short period).

I have this horrific, gut wrenching, I'm gonna puke  pain going on right now because I want to make it all better for my kid! And he's a great kid! He's been thru a lot his whole life, and still maintains good grades, he's popular, excellent sense of humor, very loving child and a lot of fun to be with.

I can't keep him from his father, nor do I want to when things are good, but his drinking, like mine has become worse over time, I believe he is an alcoholic - I know he is a drunk -  and I need to some how fix this for my son........ I know a lot of what I feel is my own guilt, but I also know my heart can't take anyone hurting the most important, precious thing in my life.

What do I do. Where do I turn. I have prayed for my ex on many occasions in the past, and I continue to do so now more than ever. I pray my son will be ok in all of this mess. and I pray for the answer of what I should do.....

I have mentioned al-anon to my son, and at this point he is not ready..... other than that and being here for him, I don't know what else to do.....

So, I am asking for your prayers for my son - his name is Cameron - and I will leave it up to you  as to WHAT you pray - because I dont' know what to ask for anymore and  I have much faith and trust in all of you.......

 

Thanks for letting me share. And god bless you.

Love and peace

"op"

Hey Op? Easy does it:)

This is something that you really cant do much about. Your son is 14 and  is old enough to make his own decisions and draw his own conclusions re the relationship with his Father.

You are the one thats sober,  and your son knows that you are there for him. Thats the biggy.

Reacting to what his Father is doing accomplishes nothing. Worrying about what your son might do, accomplishes nothing.

Let Go and Let God handle it.    Best you can.:)

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks, Phil, for reminding me of something I am all ready aware of..... guess I just needed to "vent" some.......

 

Love and Peace

"op"

I agree with Phil... I can relate with your son. Both of my parents were drunks. Alcohol was the main reason for the death of my mom. What I would have done to have been able to turn to one of my parents during those insane times... think about it, my mom was out of control, my dad was out of control, and they were in control of me. When it got insane, your son had the comfort and knowledge, knowing that you are sober and healthy. And when it was needed, you were there for him. My children and I have had a very cold relationship since I quit drinking. I could understand if it was a month or two ago, but its over 11 years... but I find serenity in knowing that when the time comes... I will be there sober and healthy. I'm very happy for you, your son is a wise man... Dave Harm Creating Dreams

Hey "op', I have said a prayer for you and your son, and the ex.Your son is in a hard place and a hard age. The dynamics are beginning to change in his world as he knew it... Have you mentioned Ala-teen to him. You might want to go to a few Al-anon meetings for you.

I agree with your fear about your what might happen when your son has had enough. That is the reason my husband  and I separated in Oct. 2003, our then 17 year old son was sick of the verbal abuse and the promises his Dad kept making , that he would stop drinking. One thing led to another, and one night my son hit his Dad. I thought they had it workrd out, but my husband being the alcoholic that lets nothing go, and let's resentments build until he explodes, started a fight with our son, hitting him. That was it, we separated with the understading we would all go to counceling. Well , that didn't happen, I took my son to counceling , but Dad didn't go. Son gratuated from high school, Dad went to jail for felony DUI. They don't really have a relationship today, as I said our son didn't ask about his Dad on his birthday, no news is good news.

Anyway, there is nothing you can do about their relationship, but as a parent we should protect our children.And I too was afraid what my son might do to his Dad. The night he hit his Dad, he fall on the floor, knocking a table over and had a bad bruise on his head, I told my son he could have killed his Dad.My son is a great young man , working hard, trying to get through college, but he has some emotional scars that will be there until he deals with them. I have owned my part of the disfunction I put him and his sister through, that's all I can do. I pray he will work through it all.

Keep  asking your son how things are going at dad's , you can't make him tell you, but you can at least let him know you are concered. If things get out of control, it needs to be stopped before something bad happens.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Thanks to all of you........ it's going to be OK, I have turned this over to my HP.

Love and Peace

"op"