Anger can be such a potent, frightening emotion. It can also be a feeling that guides us to important decisions, sometimes decisions difficult to make. It can signal other people's problems, our problems, or simply problems we need to address.
We deny our anger for a variety of reasons. We don't give ourselves permission to allow it to come into our awareness - at first. Understand that it does not go away; it sits in layers under the surface, waiting for us to become ready, safe, and strong enough to deal with it.
What we may do instead of facing our anger and what it is telling us about self-care, is feel hurt, victimized, trapped, guilty, and uncertain about how to take care of ourselves. We may withdraw, deny, make excuses, and hide our heads in the sand - for a while.
We may punish, get even, whine, and wonder.
We may repeatedly forgive the other person for behaviors that hurt us. We may be afraid that someone will go away if we deal with our anger toward him or her. We may be afraid we will need to go away, if we deal with our anger.
We may simply be afraid of our anger and the potency of it. We may not know we have a right, even a responsibility - to ourselves - to allow ourselves to feel and learn from our anger. God, help my hidden or repressed angry feelings to surface. Help me have the courage to face them. Help me understand how I need to take care of myself with the people I feel anger toward. Help me stop telling myself something is wrong with me when people victimize me and I feel angry about the victimization. I can trust my feelings to signal problems that need my attention.
__________________
Loris Husband said
Jul 19, 2005
It is time to get angry. And its time to be very specific in addressing the cause of the anger. Wantneeda is right. And facing the anger takes courage and the surrender of pride.
It takes a full committment to shaking off the layers of anger to get to the root of the pain. It takes massive amounts of energy. It takes everything we have to forgive ourselves for our indiscretions, to admit to ourselves it is not our fault to be cursed with a disease as powerful and insane as alcoholism or drug addiction.
It takes strict adherence to the principle of taking one step, one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. It is the most difficult thing we will do. It is also the most rewarding thing we can do.
Letting go of anger is one of the most important steps to beginning to be able to forgive ourselves and others for the pain we have caused. Letting go of anger lets us stop looking to the past for answers while walking backwards into the future.
Phil said
Jul 19, 2005
Thats a pretty good post Wantneeda.
I posted last night about my side of the street, and where Ide been at fault with a number of things.
Im not beating myself up over it all. Ive done my very best in a lot of areas to be a responsible, loving partner, and neglected other areas. Im human, and we learn from our mistakes.
By letting go of someone--simply means that I can do no more, and I hafta stop the insanity on my side of the street--and get back to whats real. God take her with love, and watch over her. Unconditional love. Whats happened in both our lives has happened. It doesnt stop me from loving her. I just hafta let go,and get on with my life.
Amends? Ive said I was sorry for my part. I havent got any apoligies of any kind from the other side of it all, except another put down email this morning, that simply told me to get lost, plus a few other things.
I havent talked about the emotional abuse, the putdowns, the criticizing, the my way or the highway, the controlling issues, and all the anger from the other side of the street that Ive allowed myself to be a part of. I just cant be a part of it any more.
Its not my stuff.
The only person I can work on is me. And I get on with doing that. The only person that can live my life is me. I get on with doing that also. Thanks for being here guys. Onward we go.
Time to Get Angry
It's about time you got angry - yes, that angry.
Anger can be such a potent, frightening emotion. It can also be a feeling that guides us to important decisions, sometimes decisions difficult to make. It can signal other people's problems, our problems, or simply problems we need to address.
We deny our anger for a variety of reasons. We don't give ourselves permission to allow it to come into our awareness - at first. Understand that it does not go away; it sits in layers under the surface, waiting for us to become ready, safe, and strong enough to deal with it.
What we may do instead of facing our anger and what it is telling us about self-care, is feel hurt, victimized, trapped, guilty, and uncertain about how to take care of ourselves. We may withdraw, deny, make excuses, and hide our heads in the sand - for a while.
We may punish, get even, whine, and wonder.
We may repeatedly forgive the other person for behaviors that hurt us. We may be afraid that someone will go away if we deal with our anger toward him or her. We may be afraid we will need to go away, if we deal with our anger.
We may simply be afraid of our anger and the potency of it. We may not know we have a right, even a responsibility - to ourselves - to allow ourselves to feel and learn from our anger.
God, help my hidden or repressed angry feelings to surface. Help me have the courage to face them. Help me understand how I need to take care of myself with the people I feel anger toward. Help me stop telling myself something is wrong with me when people victimize me and I feel angry about the victimization. I can trust my feelings to signal problems that need my attention. __________________
Thats a pretty good post Wantneeda.
I posted last night about my side of the street, and where Ide been at fault with a number of things.
Im not beating myself up over it all. Ive done my very best in a lot of areas to be a responsible, loving partner, and neglected other areas. Im human, and we learn from our mistakes.
By letting go of someone--simply means that I can do no more, and I hafta stop the insanity on my side of the street--and get back to whats real. God take her with love, and watch over her. Unconditional love. Whats happened in both our lives has happened. It doesnt stop me from loving her. I just hafta let go,and get on with my life.
Amends? Ive said I was sorry for my part. I havent got any apoligies of any kind from the other side of it all, except another put down email this morning, that simply told me to get lost, plus a few other things.
I havent talked about the emotional abuse, the putdowns, the criticizing, the my way or the highway, the controlling issues, and all the anger from the other side of the street that Ive allowed myself to be a part of. I just cant be a part of it any more.
Its not my stuff.
The only person I can work on is me. And I get on with doing that. The only person that can live my life is me. I get on with doing that also. Thanks for being here guys. Onward we go.