I haven't been here in awhile..mostly because I had gotten my drinking under control...mostly because I was having trouble accessing the board for some reason. I had a few slips but nothing was as bad as the other night. i found myself not in black out drunk mode..but stupid enough to slip back into the one night stand drunkeness. i had trusted this guy many months ago when he betrayed me.. the other night i felt giving enough to let him have a second chance since i felt i was doing so well in my recovery..once again i was betrayed. fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. i guess i'm just so angry with myself and feeling completely embarrassed and alone. i've lost most of the support i've had during my recovery...withdrawal has made me quite difficult to be around. i dunno..all i can think about is a drink to calm my nerves and my anxiety that has flourished since my incident with this guy from my past. i guess i just need that support again that i had here the last time i posted to get me through this rough time because i know i can't do it on my own. things have just been difficult with my family lately..and now this...half the time i'm in tears because of it. last month i had a pregnancy scare and surprisinly i didn't head straight for a drink. i know that i could never drink if was pregnant..i'm still not a 100% sure i'm not..i dunno..i just feel like a mess right now and really, really alone.
cheri said
Jun 23, 2005
You're not alone...we are right here for you. Have you figured out that the "control" you think you have is an illusion? Do you want the craziness to stop? There is a solution...I found it in the rooms of AA. But you have to understand that powerlessness is just that...if you want to stop drinking you need to ask for help.
Please call the AA in your town and ask them for help. There is only so much we can do here online...nothing can compare to the love and acceptance you will experience at a meeting. You don't ever have to feel alone again.
I'm so glad you came back here...remember, we do love you and care about what happens to you.
Love,cheri
GammyRose said
Jun 23, 2005
Allison, Glad you're back. I agree with Cheri, you need to find a face to face meeting. It sounds like you may be getting sick and tired of being sick and tired...
Please keep posting , we are here for you.You can't do this alone, and you can not control drinking if you are an alcoholic.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Dave Harm said
Jun 24, 2005
Allison,
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Agree with everyone else, find a meeting (or 2, or 3) whatever it takes. Find the support you need. Family and friends can wait, first take care of yourself.
Remember the first step - we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, our lives had become unmanagable. The fact is, I could "control" my drinking. Many people never realized that I drank as much as I did. But, while I may have "controlled" my drinking - my life was way out of control! I am the skid-row drunk that you see on TV, but I still had a house and a job. My illusion with alcohol told me that I had a wonderful home and a great family. Sobriety, showed me... how... I had nothing. Sobriety,showed me divorce, loneliness, and depression. But years later, it has showed me that I made the right choice...
Explore some AA meetings until you discover the ones you like.
Getting to meetings helps me to *connect* with other like minded people. If I feel connected I cannot feel un-connected. (seperate, apart, painfully lonely).
It helps me to experience love when I feel unloved and unlovable.
In AA, I discovered unconditional love. I did not have to behave in a certain way in order to be loved and accepted. They loved me back to life because they acceped me as I was, not how I "should" be or "ought" to be.
Allison, you are loved and you are lovable because you are okay just as you are.
fallbackandy said
Jun 26, 2005
hi allison,
ive been with aa for over 2 years and the meetings are amazingly helpful. i had a lot of reservations initially but the bonding is immense, even in a developing country where live i with members from all stratas of society in the same forum. Some folks at the meeting barely make 2 USD a day , some folks come in luxury vehicles but the identification is very strong across all. we see a lot of surrender and fear but at the same time a strong belief in the higher power enunciated in various languages. The meetings are wonderfully helpfully in getting over fear as a group.
it is the small wants that kept me on track, the dream i had of waking up fresh, listening to the birds and expereincing the realting to life without the help of my friend for over 20 years packed in a bottle-started hitting the sauce at about 16 and got the aa message at 36. I have just started growing mentally and am learning to take what life offers - its going to be a long process i'm sure but am going to give it a try.
were all with you, please make a couple of meetings
You're not alone...we are right here for you. Have you figured out that the "control" you think you have is an illusion? Do you want the craziness to stop? There is a solution...I found it in the rooms of AA. But you have to understand that powerlessness is just that...if you want to stop drinking you need to ask for help.
Please call the AA in your town and ask them for help. There is only so much we can do here online...nothing can compare to the love and acceptance you will experience at a meeting. You don't ever have to feel alone again.
I'm so glad you came back here...remember, we do love you and care about what happens to you.
Love,cheri
Allison, Glad you're back. I agree with Cheri, you need to find a face to face meeting. It sounds like you may be getting sick and tired of being sick and tired...
Please keep posting , we are here for you.You can't do this alone, and you can not control drinking if you are an alcoholic.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Allison,
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Agree with everyone else, find a meeting (or 2, or 3) whatever it takes. Find the support you need. Family and friends can wait, first take care of yourself.
Remember the first step - we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, our lives had become unmanagable. The fact is, I could "control" my drinking. Many people never realized that I drank as much as I did. But, while I may have "controlled" my drinking - my life was way out of control! I am the skid-row drunk that you see on TV, but I still had a house and a job. My illusion with alcohol told me that I had a wonderful home and a great family. Sobriety, showed me... how... I had nothing. Sobriety,showed me divorce, loneliness, and depression. But years later, it has showed me that I made the right choice...
I pray, that you will too...
Dave
www.daveharm.com
Hi Allison,
I agree with all the others.
Explore some AA meetings until you discover the ones you like.
Getting to meetings helps me to *connect* with other like minded people. If I feel connected I cannot feel un-connected. (seperate, apart, painfully lonely).
It helps me to experience love when I feel unloved and unlovable.
In AA, I discovered unconditional love. I did not have to behave in a certain way in order to be loved and accepted. They loved me back to life because they acceped me as I was, not how I "should" be or "ought" to be.
Allison, you are loved and you are lovable because you are okay just as you are.
hi allison,
ive been with aa for over 2 years and the meetings are amazingly helpful. i had a lot of reservations initially but the bonding is immense, even in a developing country where live i with members from all stratas of society in the same forum. Some folks at the meeting barely make 2 USD a day , some folks come in luxury vehicles but the identification is very strong across all. we see a lot of surrender and fear but at the same time a strong belief in the higher power enunciated in various languages. The meetings are wonderfully helpfully in getting over fear as a group.
it is the small wants that kept me on track, the dream i had of waking up fresh, listening to the birds and expereincing the realting to life without the help of my friend for over 20 years packed in a bottle-started hitting the sauce at about 16 and got the aa message at 36. I have just started growing mentally and am learning to take what life offers - its going to be a long process i'm sure but am going to give it a try.
were all with you, please make a couple of meetings