I am on my 2nd day of not drinking today and I know to take it one day at a time. I will tell you that I have Social Anxiety which I use alcohol as a crutch whenever I am in a social situation,with friends,family,etc. Pretty much all my friends and family drink whenever we get together. I even had a friend over last night that had a couple glasses of wine while I had my soda and got thru it. My friend was disappointed that I was not going to drink with her until I told her that I needed her support or would not be able to hang around her right now. She said she would support me and not drink around me anymore. She got her brother on the line that is 2 years sober without AA and he was as bad of an Alcoholic as they come.Anyway I have a hard time with AA as I have been 8-10 x's before but my Social Anxiety gets so bad that I get so stressed out and anxious that I don't want to go back and I go back to drinking cause it sounds as if I can't do this on my own so I get disscouraged. I think "what the hell if they tell me I can't do it on my own and I can't go to the meetings then what's the point". I am hoping that I can do this on my own this time with my friends brother's situation.I am going to Greece on a Holiday in 2 weeks which complicates things further as there is no way I am going to AA on this little un-touristy island for 3 weeks. I know my sister will be very dissapointed that I won't be drinking but again I will tell her this is for me, my health, my future and I need her support.I would drink 2-3 glasses of wine per day after work and a whole bottle of wine on the weekend. I feel sweaty but cold after work which signifies to me a dependence and don't sleep well since I have the sweats at night .
wagon said
Jun 19, 2005
hi,im wagon a alcholic from iowa i also have social anxiety i take meds for that i was drinking and taking the meds this was not a good thing no alchol with med i had sleep problems also they will go away at least mind did. i didnt get this way over night and it dose not go awayovernite .still i would go to aa! it keeps me sober and before you know it you feel soooooo much better .may god bless you wagon
speckledfrog said
Jun 19, 2005
I am on my first day of not drinking. I'm not doing good at all I have the shakes, sweats, and I'm panicky. I've been drinking since I was 14. It has destroyed my marriage, gotten me fired from a job. I have problems going to the meetings in person. I have social anxiety disorder. I am panicky enough, and I might get worse if I get in a large group of people without drinking or my anxiety meds. I don't know what to do. I am starting by one hour at a time. Then tomorrow one day at a time. The stories you've told really touched me. I relate to them so much. It's difficult, but one day at a time.
cheri said
Jun 20, 2005
Hi and welcome...
Ok, you want to stop drinking but don't want to go to AA. I suppose you can do it that way...sit on your hands when the booze is around, grit your teeth when others are drinking, want and crave the alcohol but just suffering through...sure, it can be done. But WHY? Why not pick up the phone or go to an AA meeting and tell someone you might need some help with this? When my car breaks down, I don't try to fix it by myself. I pick up the phone and call someone with more knowledge about cars and ask for help. When I'm sick I don't diagnose myself, I call the doctor and have him diagnose me.
The only requirement for AA membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking. You don't have to do anything else, you say I want to stop drinking and i think I may need some help. It's alot easier to stop, one day at a time, with others doing the same thing.
I don't really know what social anxiety disorder is but I do know that I went to meetings for a long time, sat in a corner quietly and listened, didn't talk to anyone, and eventually found what I was looking for...people who had gone through the same things that I was going through and could tell me what to expect.The program of AA works because one alcoholic sharing their experience, strength and hope with another alcoholic is the key.
So I have to ask again, why do it on your own?
Love, cheri
Dave Harm said
Jun 20, 2005
I agree with Cheri. Why do it on your own. I quit drinking for five and a half years without AA. Instead of drinking, I became a rageaholic and a workaholic. I replaced alcohol with new addictions. My reading and "studying" of staying sober did not give me the knowledge on how to lead a "social" life without alcohol. Finally, I surrendered to the demon and went on a two year drunk.
When sobriety finally came, I realized I had to do everything different. AA was on the top of the list. 3-4-5 times a week, I went and just by showing up I began to become comfortable (and social) without alcohol. Today, 10 years later, if someone is drinking - so be it. It's there choice! Today, I choose not to drink.
When I quit drinking I had no idea on how to live life without alcohol. I had no skills to be clean, no methods to be social or caring. That is truly a lonely place -- to know you can't live life with alcohol, but you can't imagine a life without it either. Give AA a try. If you don't like a meeting or a group - try another. There will be one you're comfortable with... Best wishes
Just wanted to say welcome to all the newbies, and I hope you will all keep posting. Newlife and Lori, I don't know anyone who wasn't nervous and a bit apprehesive in their first few AA meetings. It takes awhile to become comfortable and if you go you might be able to ask someone to be your sponsor and they could help you through the rough spots.
I was sober for 6 years before I came to AA ,that's all I was, was sober, now I am happy, joyful, and free.I still have bad days , but that's all they are,they are not the end of the world and I don't have to pickup a drink to get through them. I can live life on lifes terms.
Great site Dave. I will check it out when I have more time.
Keep coming back.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
cheri said
Jun 20, 2005
Hi Dave...welcome to the MIP board. It's great to have you.
Love, cheri
wantneeda said
Jun 20, 2005
Welcome!!!!!
I know how you feel, I didn't want to go at first either, but i was in treatment and it was a requirement that i go. Today I'm glad I went! AA has become my second home. If not for AA showing me how to live without alcohol, i wouldn;t be in my own apartment, i wouldn't have the gifts i do today. My daughter is back living with me, my family is starting to talk to me and have some faith and trust in me. I have a job, that i haven't missed a day of in 4 months.
But mostly i have a little faith and trust and LOVE for myself, all because of AA! I owe them my life, honestly. Its not easy but nothing i was doing was working either. I was sick and tired of saying " I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!"
Give it a try won't you? they say if after 90 meetings in 90 days you're not happy, we'll gladly refund your misery! Because of AA i lost my misery in the shuffle, no way I'm going back, not today anyways.
keep coming back!! YOu're worth the fight and are very important to us!
hugs & hugs Wendy
mikey said
Jun 20, 2005
Treatment was what forced me back to AA. I went 3 times in January 2003 but didnt go back, I didn't want to go back, but I did in October last yr and never stopped since, 8 months sober now. I've always thought I was socially phobic, if I knew I was going to drink or I had a drink i was fine, and i was always confident in other areas of my life wthout a drink, but I wouldnt have dreamed of habing a cup of tea in cafe like I do now. But once I had a drink of course it didnt stop there. My old friends were all heavy drinkers so they didnt notice so much in the earlier days, but they did in my late 20's(i'm 33). I drank squash with them for a while in my old pub this time last year, it seemed to go ok for a while but the illness got the better of me and i drank(I say it was the social situation but I think really it is the illness, cunning, baffling, powerful). I had to let go of these friends. When I first came back into aa I was panicky, shaking, all the usual, afraid of what people think etc, but there's unconditional love in the rooms. Ask for help with this like the above say!! I kept asking my sponsor when these "bad nerves" would pass, he said I wouldnt even notice when they did, I didn't believe him really, but by last Christmas I felt good, I can still get 'nervy' sometimes but I believe this is the result of the years of drinking. Things will get better. Find a meeting your comfortable with and tell them the way your feeling when you go in, pick up the phone. This too shall pass. Take care and God bless.
mikey said
Jun 20, 2005
Just to add what I said above I was also addicted to medication for anxiety attacks - valium and ativan. They were really a substitute for alcohol. I did not think I could cope without them ever! I too lost my wife and kids, house and job etc, and my abuse of them and alcohol got worse when that happened. A week after stopping drinking last year I had withdrawal from the valium. Couldnt keep still. Cleaned my shoes like my sponsor said a dozen times. Major panic attacks and I just prayed. I dont take medication today although I dont condemn anyone who does, its just I never believed I could be so at ease with myself today. Life isn't out of this world but its still beyond my wildest dreams and things are getting better. Keep coming back.
newlife said
Jun 20, 2005
Thank you for all your responses. I find with the meetings that I have been to that the more I listened the more I figured that maybe I really don't have a problem. It's just that when I hear the stories I think I am in the wrong place. I know you say you don't have to be religous but everyone seems to be and I do not feel comfortable with that.I have not lost my family,friends,job and NO ONE thinks I have a problem even when I tell them I think I do.
SDFrankie said
Jun 20, 2005
Newlife,
It's really good to hear your story. I relate completely. When I first started going to meetings I heard people tell all these horror stories about all the cars, houses, children, spouses etc they'd lost, all the jails, prisons, mental institutions they'd been in and I felt like I was an imposter. Those guys had probably spilled more booze than I'd drunk. Eventually I decided it was just too damned bad. My drinking was ruining my life and making so miserable I didn't want to continue living. If I kept drinking I might never go to the lengths those other people had, but I might just kill myself anyway. It's not about the cars or houses or jails. It's about how drinking makes you feel. First it makes life possible, then it makes it impossible. I've lived sober and I've lived drunk. Sober hurts a lot less. I also have had, and occasionally still have, huge anxiety attacks. I finally realized that, like all things that have a beginning, they eventually come to an end. I don't die from them. I hate them, but eventually they move on. When I first got sober I used to have an anxiety attack at every meeting and I always felt sure there was no way I could sit there for the meeting. I just knew I'd have to get up and leave at some point. But I just sat there and shook and tried to get a full breath and shook some more and at some point I'd realize that I really was going to get through that meeting. I don't remember when that stopped happening, but at some point it did.
The religion thing is a tough one. I'm with you on that. It's something I really struggle with. But I know for a fact that I cannot live as a drinker and I know for a fact that I can stay sober with AA, so I just have to find a "spirituality" that works for me. One thing that's helping me is this: Somewhere in the AA Big Book or the 12X12 it says that we shouldn't be afraid to honestly ask ourselves what spiritual terms mean "to us". That's the key. I even have to ask myself what the word "spiritual" means to me. It has a different meaning to me than most people. I don't believe in any kind of spirit as in soul or ghost or whatever. But spiritual is just a word. When I translate it into Frank-ese, it means a conscious attempt to feel connected to the rest of humanity in a compassionate way. That's all. I meditate to try to focus my mind in that direction, to align my self with that goal. When I "pray" (another word I have to translate) it just means I verbally attempt to align myself with that goal. But that's just how I do it. Everyone does it differently. Some are comfortable with the religion they grew up with or heard about as kids. Other aren't. But a "power greater than yourself" can simply be a way other than YOUR previous way.
There are tons of reasons to not do meetings. But there's a really good reason to do them. They work. When I stick with meetings, I stay sober. When I stick with myself, I drink. I can go without for a year, two years, five years. Eventually, I drink. And it sucks for me. Meetings are way better.
Good luck. Remember, courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is being scared and doing the deal anyway.
mikey said
Jun 21, 2005
Looking back on it I knew I had a problem when I was 22, 11 yrs ago but my mind wouldnt go there. If I had come to the rooms 6 yrs I wouldnt have related probably cos all those yets had happened, I had a lovely wife, house job etc.. and I couldnt see how I drank differently from anyone else. But I had the feelings that you've all described. When I was 22 I dropped out of university for a year after drinking heavily that summer, anxiety attacks/depression. I couldn't face people, total paranoia, and on and off those feelings continued, I was petrified of making a speech at my wedding, all those people, and I would avoid doing many things in life if I couldnt have a drink. As they say, some people can get off the ladder higher up, but that doesnt mean to day those horrible feelings arent there, I know exactly how u feel, I attend another self-help fellowship for nervous symptoms now but my recovery is AA, but I have to say most of those feelings started lifting after a couple of months clean last year.
As for God, read the chapter to the agnostic, i did return to my old faith but it feels completely different. And my take on a power greater than myself could have been absolutely anything!! And its great to talk to people whos beliefs are different like nature, gaia whatever, cos really its's all the same. I feel angry when religion is exorted in aa even tho I do have one. There is some power greater than ourselves in all of this. Keep coming back.
cheri said
Jun 21, 2005
There have been some great responses...I would add also that if you don't have a big book, get one and read chapter 2 & 3, "There is A Solution" & "More about Alcoholism".
Most AA members now have not gone as far down as they could have...I know I didn't. I came close to losing my children and home, but I never spent a night in jail or lost a job because of my drinking. I know now that it could have been much worse. The realization that I was alcoholic came after reading some of the big book and seeing myself in some of the pages. The powerlessness and fear was overwhelming,though, and I knew I had become emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.And today I don't feel that way.
I am on my 2nd day of not drinking today and I know to take it one day at a time. I will tell you that I have Social Anxiety which I use alcohol as a crutch whenever I am in a social situation,with friends,family,etc. Pretty much all my friends and family drink whenever we get together. I even had a friend over last night that had a couple glasses of wine while I had my soda and got thru it. My friend was disappointed that I was not going to drink with her until I told her that I needed her support or would not be able to hang around her right now. She said she would support me and not drink around me anymore. She got her brother on the line that is 2 years sober without AA and he was as bad of an Alcoholic as they come.Anyway I have a hard time with AA as I have been 8-10 x's before but my Social Anxiety gets so bad that I get so stressed out and anxious that I don't want to go back and I go back to drinking cause it sounds as if I can't do this on my own so I get disscouraged. I think "what the hell if they tell me I can't do it on my own and I can't go to the meetings then what's the point". I am hoping that I can do this on my own this time with my friends brother's situation.I am going to Greece on a Holiday in 2 weeks which complicates things further as there is no way I am going to AA on this little un-touristy island for 3 weeks. I know my sister will be very dissapointed that I won't be drinking but again I will tell her this is for me, my health, my future and I need her support.I would drink 2-3 glasses of wine per day after work and a whole bottle of wine on the weekend. I feel sweaty but cold after work which signifies to me a dependence and don't sleep well since I have the sweats at night .
Hi and welcome...
Ok, you want to stop drinking but don't want to go to AA. I suppose you can do it that way...sit on your hands when the booze is around, grit your teeth when others are drinking, want and crave the alcohol but just suffering through...sure, it can be done. But WHY? Why not pick up the phone or go to an AA meeting and tell someone you might need some help with this? When my car breaks down, I don't try to fix it by myself. I pick up the phone and call someone with more knowledge about cars and ask for help. When I'm sick I don't diagnose myself, I call the doctor and have him diagnose me.
The only requirement for AA membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking. You don't have to do anything else, you say I want to stop drinking and i think I may need some help. It's alot easier to stop, one day at a time, with others doing the same thing.
I don't really know what social anxiety disorder is but I do know that I went to meetings for a long time, sat in a corner quietly and listened, didn't talk to anyone, and eventually found what I was looking for...people who had gone through the same things that I was going through and could tell me what to expect.The program of AA works because one alcoholic sharing their experience, strength and hope with another alcoholic is the key.
So I have to ask again, why do it on your own?
Love, cheri
I agree with Cheri. Why do it on your own. I quit drinking for five and a half years without AA. Instead of drinking, I became a rageaholic and a workaholic. I replaced alcohol with new addictions. My reading and "studying" of staying sober did not give me the knowledge on how to lead a "social" life without alcohol. Finally, I surrendered to the demon and went on a two year drunk.
When sobriety finally came, I realized I had to do everything different. AA was on the top of the list. 3-4-5 times a week, I went and just by showing up I began to become comfortable (and social) without alcohol. Today, 10 years later, if someone is drinking - so be it. It's there choice! Today, I choose not to drink.
When I quit drinking I had no idea on how to live life without alcohol. I had no skills to be clean, no methods to be social or caring. That is truly a lonely place -- to know you can't live life with alcohol, but you can't imagine a life without it either. Give AA a try. If you don't like a meeting or a group - try another. There will be one you're comfortable with... Best wishes
Dave
www.daveharm.com
Just wanted to say welcome to all the newbies, and I hope you will all keep posting. Newlife and Lori, I don't know anyone who wasn't nervous and a bit apprehesive in their first few AA meetings. It takes awhile to become comfortable and if you go you might be able to ask someone to be your sponsor and they could help you through the rough spots.
I was sober for 6 years before I came to AA ,that's all I was, was sober, now I am happy, joyful, and free.I still have bad days , but that's all they are,they are not the end of the world and I don't have to pickup a drink to get through them. I can live life on lifes terms.
Great site Dave. I will check it out when I have more time.
Keep coming back.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Hi Dave...welcome to the MIP board. It's great to have you.
Love, cheri
Welcome!!!!!
I know how you feel, I didn't want to go at first either, but i was in treatment and it was a requirement that i go. Today I'm glad I went! AA has become my second home. If not for AA showing me how to live without alcohol, i wouldn;t be in my own apartment, i wouldn't have the gifts i do today. My daughter is back living with me, my family is starting to talk to me and have some faith and trust in me. I have a job, that i haven't missed a day of in 4 months.
But mostly i have a little faith and trust and LOVE for myself, all because of AA! I owe them my life, honestly. Its not easy but nothing i was doing was working either. I was sick and tired of saying " I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!"
Give it a try won't you? they say if after 90 meetings in 90 days you're not happy, we'll gladly refund your misery! Because of AA i lost my misery in the shuffle, no way I'm going back, not today anyways.
keep coming back!! YOu're worth the fight and are very important to us!
hugs & hugs Wendy
Newlife,
It's really good to hear your story. I relate completely. When I first started going to meetings I heard people tell all these horror stories about all the cars, houses, children, spouses etc they'd lost, all the jails, prisons, mental institutions they'd been in and I felt like I was an imposter. Those guys had probably spilled more booze than I'd drunk. Eventually I decided it was just too damned bad. My drinking was ruining my life and making so miserable I didn't want to continue living. If I kept drinking I might never go to the lengths those other people had, but I might just kill myself anyway. It's not about the cars or houses or jails. It's about how drinking makes you feel. First it makes life possible, then it makes it impossible. I've lived sober and I've lived drunk. Sober hurts a lot less. I also have had, and occasionally still have, huge anxiety attacks. I finally realized that, like all things that have a beginning, they eventually come to an end. I don't die from them. I hate them, but eventually they move on. When I first got sober I used to have an anxiety attack at every meeting and I always felt sure there was no way I could sit there for the meeting. I just knew I'd have to get up and leave at some point. But I just sat there and shook and tried to get a full breath and shook some more and at some point I'd realize that I really was going to get through that meeting. I don't remember when that stopped happening, but at some point it did.
The religion thing is a tough one. I'm with you on that. It's something I really struggle with. But I know for a fact that I cannot live as a drinker and I know for a fact that I can stay sober with AA, so I just have to find a "spirituality" that works for me. One thing that's helping me is this: Somewhere in the AA Big Book or the 12X12 it says that we shouldn't be afraid to honestly ask ourselves what spiritual terms mean "to us". That's the key. I even have to ask myself what the word "spiritual" means to me. It has a different meaning to me than most people. I don't believe in any kind of spirit as in soul or ghost or whatever. But spiritual is just a word. When I translate it into Frank-ese, it means a conscious attempt to feel connected to the rest of humanity in a compassionate way. That's all. I meditate to try to focus my mind in that direction, to align my self with that goal. When I "pray" (another word I have to translate) it just means I verbally attempt to align myself with that goal. But that's just how I do it. Everyone does it differently. Some are comfortable with the religion they grew up with or heard about as kids. Other aren't. But a "power greater than yourself" can simply be a way other than YOUR previous way.
There are tons of reasons to not do meetings. But there's a really good reason to do them. They work. When I stick with meetings, I stay sober. When I stick with myself, I drink. I can go without for a year, two years, five years. Eventually, I drink. And it sucks for me. Meetings are way better.
Good luck. Remember, courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is being scared and doing the deal anyway.
Looking back on it I knew I had a problem when I was 22, 11 yrs ago but my mind wouldnt go there. If I had come to the rooms 6 yrs I wouldnt have related probably cos all those yets had happened, I had a lovely wife, house job etc.. and I couldnt see how I drank differently from anyone else. But I had the feelings that you've all described. When I was 22 I dropped out of university for a year after drinking heavily that summer, anxiety attacks/depression. I couldn't face people, total paranoia, and on and off those feelings continued, I was petrified of making a speech at my wedding, all those people, and I would avoid doing many things in life if I couldnt have a drink. As they say, some people can get off the ladder higher up, but that doesnt mean to day those horrible feelings arent there, I know exactly how u feel, I attend another self-help fellowship for nervous symptoms now but my recovery is AA, but I have to say most of those feelings started lifting after a couple of months clean last year.
As for God, read the chapter to the agnostic, i did return to my old faith but it feels completely different. And my take on a power greater than myself could have been absolutely anything!! And its great to talk to people whos beliefs are different like nature, gaia whatever, cos really its's all the same. I feel angry when religion is exorted in aa even tho I do have one. There is some power greater than ourselves in all of this. Keep coming back.
There have been some great responses...I would add also that if you don't have a big book, get one and read chapter 2 & 3, "There is A Solution" & "More about Alcoholism".
Most AA members now have not gone as far down as they could have...I know I didn't. I came close to losing my children and home, but I never spent a night in jail or lost a job because of my drinking. I know now that it could have been much worse. The realization that I was alcoholic came after reading some of the big book and seeing myself in some of the pages. The powerlessness and fear was overwhelming,though, and I knew I had become emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.And today I don't feel that way.
Love,cheri