Please, I need immediate advice. If I'm posting in the wrong place, someone tell me as I am new. I am 10 years sober and have been through a lot of stress without taking a drink.

My mother is quite ill and a son has dropped out of school and even though we took him to a counselor today, he is ranting and raging and crying about how we don't understand him and are bad parents.

For some reason, even though I've been through so much worse, I did not take a drink. Today I did 4 bottles of ale (regular, single serving size). Help! I am scared that this means I am in deep trouble. I am not having an urge to drink though. Could this slip be okay , in the sense that I won't feel compelled to go farther. I don't feel the urge to drink and don't want to and I haven't since those 4 ales. I feel terribly guilty though!

Hi Janet.

Everything is going to be ok. As Mum's it's easy sometimes to consider our family our support system. When the family starts rocking, we start rocking. When they turn on us, (as teenagers do) it is hard to keep our faith...especially when its our kids...we feel overly responsible, like its our fault they are not coping. Guess what? It's not your fault. It is adolescence. Adolescence is a difficult time...kids move from not being responsible to slowly becoming responsible. And just like us alkies, who had to learn to do that...they will often shift blame and finger point and sometimes put down, to step up...it is all very normal. Difficult - but normal.

It's time for you to reach out to your AA family for a bit. Give the whole home life thing a bit of air. Pick up the phone and find a member or meeting and admit your shortcomings, or keep communicating here. Stay in the moment. You drank. You don't want to drink, and you know where the drink will take you. If you have been a member of AA, you can trust in your program - it has already kicked in, and spurred you into action. You need only step back in. If you haven't been a member, folks in AA will encourage you and help you live a sober life by helping you take the steps that counter all of lifes stresses.

First and foremost: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol; that our lives had become unmanageable.

Second: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Anything I can't do alone - I have learned I can do together, with other AA's. Welcome to the board.

Confusion is only a space in time prior to a decision. Whether you drink again today, depends not on whether you feel you should, could or would...but on more on what you decide to do with your day.

We are here. There are many who come in and out of this board, and in times of need they present themselves. You can trust in that. You have waited an hour for my response, but you have the rest of your life to be glad you reached out today.

I have worked with teens, and if there is one underlying foundation that I found in all of them, it is that they love their parents. They have trouble expressing it, when it comes time to disagree with them. Making their own decisions is their right...something they must learn to do well, and that doesn't happen overnight. It isn't easy and there are many things influencing those decisions now. It's no longer as simple as telling them to hold our hand when we get to the cross roads. Your son loves you. I would stake my life on it. What he's having trouble with, is learning to love himself. 

You can help him learn to do that, by showing him how you love and value yourself. Don't martyr or surrender yourself by drinking - don't drink today Janet, and everything will be ok.

You are not posting in the wrong place...we are here for you. You need to let go of the guilt. Remember, we only have a daily reprieve from alcohol. If you don't want to drink right now, that's good. You need to call your sponsor and get to a meeting right away, so the thinking doesn't change. All that you've lost so far is a day on the calendar. Do you want to take the chance that next time you'll only have 4?

Please let us know how you are doing...there's alot of great people here with lots of good things to give, but it can't replace the support you will have at your local AA. It can enhance it, but not replace it.

Love, cheri

Janet, All I can say is I'm glad you reached out to this board. Nic and Cheri have said exactly what I would say. Get to a meeting, call a sponsor,or anyone in the program.

Stress is hard, I have to remember to let go and let God. That works with my 77 year old mom easier than with my 18 year old son.He knows all the things to do and say to make me feel guilty, so I know how you feel.You said even though you've been through so much worse you didn't drink. Today is the only day we have, the past is gone and tomorrow is not a given so just be in the here and now, and do what you need for you now, don't drink. Please keep posting and trust in youself and the program.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Janet... we're all glad you're here and thanks for your post. The only way this will go any farther is if you let it. As others have said, get to a meeting and share about your experience. People need to hear it. Don't pick up that drink and use the AA program. That is.. the Steps, your sponsor and prayer! Please let us know how your doing. Your in the right place if you want to save your life today. -Tom