One good thing came from years of riding a whiskey-saddle at the bar...a fair collection of "guy walks into a bar" jokes. My favorite?
A baby seal walks into a bar and the barman asks "what'll it be?" and the baby seal says, "anything but a Canadian Club."
Next?
bikerbill said
Oct 3, 2009
A man walks into a bar - OUCH!
StPeteDean said
Oct 3, 2009
the sober jokes are better. A woman attends a funeral for the husband of a high school friend. After the service, she walks up to the sobbing widow and asks, "what happened to Fred?". The widow responds, "oh it was the alcohol, it finally got him". The woman inquires "That's too bad, but why didn't he just go to AA?". The Widow replies angrily "He wasn't That Bad!"
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 3rd of October 2009 06:15:56 PM
Jerry F said
Oct 3, 2009
LOL Dean...
Woman goes to her boss and asks for the day off to attend her exhusband's funeral; "It was the drink you know...It got to be more than he could handle and in the end it took his life". Her boss knowing the situation gave her the day off. It was a Wednesday and she didn't get back until the next Monday morning. Her boss was a bit miffed and concerned and asked her for an explantion for the longer leave time. "Well", she explained "True to his habit of not letting the family in on his plans, he decided in the end to be cremated rather than be buried." "So why would that keep you away for so long?" Her boss asked. "Well you see I found out that he had abandoned his favorite beer and drank nothing but hard liquor daily for the last two years of his life and once they set him afire it took three days for it to go out."
We are not a glum lot!!
StPeteDean said
Oct 3, 2009
that's a good one Jerry lol
Just Toni said
Oct 3, 2009
OK Dean and Jerry too,
You just might want to edit this out or just kick me out ot MIP, or Just kick me in the butt.
my 2 cents, having a laugh about some alcoholic that did not make it, ok, here goes, I just cannot find any humor in it, at all. Even imaginary drunks.
Where is the Gratitude and Humility in these jokes???
Rigerous Honesty, that is what is suggested, so had to say it how I felt it.
Toodles, and ouch, I can feel the censur already, hahahahahha!!!! The only drunk I feel I can laugh my ass off about is just me, in all my own dumb ass ideas, and actions when I was an active drunk. ok, over and out........guess for just today you can call me the GLUM one, and don't think for one second I can't hear the BOO'S .....
-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 3rd of October 2009 07:10:03 PM
StPeteDean said
Oct 3, 2009
At least mine had a message in it. Toni, where's the gratitude and humility in taking our inventories? And besides, this program is for people that want it, not for people who need it. Even the big book is clear about this when it suggests that we not waste our time on those that don't want to be sober. Sure it's a disease but every drunk out there is aware of many forms of help. If they don't seek it, then I'm not feeling sorry for them. But that doesn't mean that you can't.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 3rd of October 2009 07:53:41 PM
Dave Harm said
Oct 3, 2009
Dean...
I told that joke of yours to my homegroup about a month ago... it got a great laugh.
Aquaman said
Oct 3, 2009
I like it, Dean.
bikerbill said
Oct 4, 2009
Humour is a funny thing, if you'll pardon the pun. What one persons finds amusing, another may be offended at.
Well done for saying how it is for you Toni.
For me , make a joke, if I don't like it I won't laugh, if I do I will.
I remember reading about a comedian over here who was performing in Bradford just after the Bradford City FC Fire - he made some sort of sick crack about barbeques - half the audience walked out, half stayed. No accounting for taste is there. But the furore in the papers beggared belief.
I recall after the Hillsborough football disaster, some of the jokes going round my liverpool friends were a bit off colour and some people found them offensive. So I asked a liverpudlian why these jokes were seen as acceptable when quoth by a scouser, but not by anyone else. Soping strategy said he.
Much like the alkie jokes maybe?
pinkchip said
Oct 4, 2009
Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"....old one. I am also of the mindset that I have to laugh at myself and at life or I will wind up crying instead. Now, I'm not about to walk into a rehab and point at people who did absurd drunk stuff or attend a funeral of an alcoholic or addict and make jokes and laugh...but in these jokes, there is no designated person and that is the difference between a joke and ridicule. I have a thick skin for this I think due to being gay. There are 50 billion times the jokes on that and people tell them in public with zero thought of it being offensive. Shrug. That is not to say that there would not be a time and place when I did see it as offensive (as mentioned above with the alkie jokes). Furthermore, some of those jokes do tread on offensive to me when they hover into AIDS jokes and crap that is just not at all socially appropriate by what I consider to be societal standards or stuff that perpetuates complete hatred.
Just Toni said
Oct 4, 2009
Good Morning all,
This Post yesterday just seemed to hit a very exposed nerve that I have been feeling.
I have a very dear friend that has been in AA for 19 years, he came in when I did, and every two or three years, he would have one of those moments where, he became Spiritually disconnected, and would go out, always came back in about two or three weeks later, with all the remorse and shame, pull himself together, and plunge himself back into his home group, he has a ton of AA friends, a great sponsor that stays with him.
It has been about two or almost three months since I have heard from him, he gave me the name of someone, a name and phone number that is not anywhere to be found.We ALWAYS talked at least twice a month, he lives up in Marin, and as I said it has been such a long time, dont know if his phone is disconnected from not paying his bill, or if something has happened to him.
I had tried to call his number again yesterday, still disconnected, and it was weighing very heavy on my heart, and when I read the joke Post, it just did not sit well,
I do know that the jokes are not about any particular person, that is the difference, absolutely, and think this morning that I simply over-reacted. Some days are just better than others. Right?
Toodles all,
Toni
braggheim said
Oct 4, 2009
Toni, As a newcomer I can only say you seem to be a very caring and heartfelt supporter of this group. I'm sure nobody was offended by your opinion. I know I certainly have good days and bad... And humor is always subject to opinions, which you know what they say about opinions. I hope your days get easier and friend turns up!
StPeteDean said
Oct 4, 2009
no problem Toni, I didn't take it out of the way. Like Bill said, sense of humors differs. Btw, I have one of those friends that went missing a few months ago. Except he went out when we were both approaching 2 years and never really made it back. He's been drinking and drugging ever since and because he's such an old friend of mine (former room mate, worked to together, go sober together) I haven't let him go totally as a friend. Two years ago he had an accident that was fairly minor. He locked himself out of his condo, that he's been living in for 20 years. It has a balcony about 5' off the ground but the railing is about 8' high. He was climbing onto his balcony to get in through the sliding glass doors (drunk) when he slipped and scraped the back of his knee. He didn't treat the injury and because he couldn't see it, it got very infected and the infection almost killed him. The doctors wanted to amputate the the lower leg but because he is a contractor they let him talk them out of it. But they did have to take most of the calf muscle through various operations involving skin graphs. He was in some pain and did learn how to walk and work again but like a good addict he used this to gain access to a long term supply of opiates. When he told me, I told him that he didn't know what he was going to be up against. The guy had tried to comitt suicide 3 times previously. Well 6 months after that, every time I talked to him he was doped to the gills. I told him several times that he was F'ed up and needed to detox. He didn't hear me and just kept talking about how unhappy he was. The last time that I spoke to him, in April, he was in the same condition and mumbling about packing his things into his Van and driving out west. I said you can't just leave your condo and business and he told me that his condo was being foreclosed (he paid $40k for it 20 years ago and has refinanced his drug debts several times to the tune of $187,000 and now the condo is worth about $120k) and his work has all dried up. I told him to call his family and he said that they disowned him telling him to Never call them again. Two weeks later both his home and cell phones were disconnected and I haven't heard from him since. Not a month went by in the last 37 years that I did not hear from Mark, now it's been 6 months. I called and left a message (a month ago) for his billionaire brother, no return call. Toni, we all have those people in our lives and it's tough. I just try and stay in the gratitude that it's better them then me. Some of us must die and it's a shame that that is a very good motivator for the rest of us to keep working on it.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 4th of October 2009 03:36:48 PM
Aquaman said
Oct 4, 2009
Anybody the part in Heinlein's novel Stranger In A Strange Land when Michael Valentine, a human raised on Mars in a COMPLETELY different culture had no reckoning or understanding of laughter? He found his answer at the zoo. Two monkeys were fighting over something and the crowd was laughing. He then realized that laughter is pain inverted. Every humorous thing has in it somewhere a victim. Some minor and harmless;
"A Priest, Rabbi, Paris Hilton and a donkey walk into a bar and the bartended looks up and says "What is this...some kind of joke?" The victim is the bartender, and maybe the donkey if Paris gets well into her cups.
Some are more direct and I won't tell any. I do love irony, though, because then the victim is the listener's experiences and sense of logic.
Just Toni said
Oct 4, 2009
Hi Dean,
Happy to hear from you today, you and Jerry both are two people here that I consider just the best. Good old hindsight right, why I put your names on that response, I just reread it and it sure sounded like I was referring to you and Jerry and not the Post humor. I do apologize to you both for bringing your names in. I was not judging eitherone of you, but it sure came across like I was.
And in some way, I find comfort in your words about your friend, and yes I suppose a lot of us have those friends, and because we meet them in the Program, develope close bonds with them, we are faced with abandoning them, can't do that one, and also try sooo hard not to judge either. My friend has the same repeated history, gets some dumb ass little resentment, and he KNOWS all about resentments, but anyway that is his excuse, to go out, start with Alcohol, that switches quickly to Heroin, and a drug is a drug is a drug, but heroin has always scared me so much. The last time he came back, I said, give me the name of you Sponsor, and his ph. number, so if ever you do this again, I can call someone to see if you are ok? He did, and I simply lost that number, have looked all over my computer for it.
Was thinking this morning about when he came down to see me for a week in San Diego, sober of course, and we had such a great time, traveled all over the place finding some great meetings, and then my Son, that met him when he arrived, liked him so much that the day before he left, my Son insisted on driving up and taking B.... and I to the 4 Seasons for this unbelievable afternoon.
So this morning have made a decision to really try and let go, and Let God.
I think of my friend as that proverbial Jay Walker in the Big Book, and just for today don't have to know the outcome, that is between him and his Higher Power. I am Powerless, can only Pray that God will keep him safe.
and so grateful indeed, just for today anyway that I have not had the compulsion to pick up a drink, have not had one in over now 19 years, but that does not mean that that boogy man is not hovering just behind me. This Disease can be at times, so scary, then have to apply the Faith to the Fear, and the Fear dissapears.......
Toodles and thank you for telling me about your friend, hope he will turn to God and ask again for help.
As far as humor, wow, was thinking of calling someone and asking them "Got anygood jokes today?, could really use some right about now. Just for the Laughter. Great medicine, indeedy.
Toni
bikerbill said
Oct 5, 2009
Toni, you're right, sometimes a joke can touch a raw nerve. What I would've felt like just a few days ago when a friend from the fellowship was buried I don't know. She had 25 years under her belt, was robust in getting me started but finally personal pain was too much for her and she gave up, went on the bottle and died after 10 months of self punishment. She did say though, as she pushed everyone away, that she didn't want to live without her life partner but didn't have the guts to finish it quick.
Avril G said
Oct 7, 2009
Hey, whatever happened to 'We are not a glum lot and Rule 62? We alkies in recovery can laugh at ourselves whilst still taking sobriety seriously can we not?
Here's one, not a guy walks into a bar, but A guy walks into the doctors.
Guy walks into doctors and says he is sick of throwing up every day of his life and feeling like crap. Doc asks him how much he drinks and was astounded by how much drinking he actually admitted to.
'Hold on right there a minute, I want to show you something' says the doc, and comes back with two identical glasses, one holding water the other whiskey. He takes an earthworm from another container and drops it into the water, and they both watch the worm swimming around happily, then doc says, 'OK, now watch this' and drops it into the whiskey glass, whereupon the worm shrivels up and dies.
'SO', says the doctor, 'does that not show you something about alcohol?'
It sure does, doc, it shows me that if I drink a lot of alcohol, I wil never have worms'
bikerbill said
Oct 7, 2009
remind me of rule 62.
and let's add in teh qoute from a certain Fat Lady in her autobiography, when told that her blood was a bit thick. The doctor had only seen this in people who had taken quinine for malaria. That'll be it she said. I drink a lot of Schweppes indian tonic water.
the doctor said that she'd need to drink at least 2 litres a day.
That's right she said, to go with the 2litres of gin.
-- Edited by bikerbill on Wednesday 7th of October 2009 11:43:43 AM
Carlotta said
Oct 12, 2009
Oh you guys are hilarious..... I really needed a good laugh today. My philosophy "laughter does good like a medicine" on so many levels!! Thanks
Avril G said
Oct 12, 2009
A recovering alkie lived in a small village which had been badly hit by flooding, and was about to be evacuated. First the police came round with loudhailers advising everyone who could got their furniture upstairs and await the rescue services.
The alkie did nothing, and the rain was still pouring down, so he went upstairs, and when the fire service arrived to start evacuating, he was looking out his bedroom window but he refused to get into the rescue truck saying,' Oh I'll be fine, I am a recovering alcoholic, and I have a God in my life who will look after me'
Hours later The RNLI came around in their lifeboat. The water was rising rapidly, and was right up to his upstairs window. The boat rescuers were pleading with him to get in the boat to be saved, otherwise he'd drowned. Again, he refused saying, 'Look, no worries, I am a recovering alcoholic and my God won't let me down, I'll be fine'
As a last resort, the RAF came in with helicopters to evacuate the last few remaining in the village and offers the alkie for the last time a chance to be taken to safety from the storms, but still he refused, still convinced that his God would save him. He was told that this was the very last chance of a rescue, but still he refused.
The storm continued, getting worse overnight, until he ended up sitting on his roof, praying that God would do something to help him, but alas, he was drowned. When he got to heaven, he looked at God and said, 'Hey man, what happened? I always believed that whenever I was in times of difficulty you would help me, how come you didn't do anything?'
God lets out a deep sigh and rolls his eyes and said, 'Oh for F***'s sake, What MORE could I have done? I sent you police rescue, the Fire service, the lifeboats AND a sodding helicopter'
-- Edited by Avril G on Monday 12th of October 2009 05:31:32 PM
AlexSeen said
October 20th
One night I was too tired to watch another show, so I started searching for fun sites online. Thats when I landed on spinmama casino, and it turned out to be a great find. It has plenty of offers, bonuses that refresh daily, and nice features that keep it from getting boring. What I liked most was how smooth it felt no pop-ups or fake stuff. Its one of those sites that you can open anytime just to chill and enjoy a bit of fun.
dinarikas said
November 19th
Recentemente, tive de passar uma noite sozinha e não estava com muito ânimo. Decidi experimentar o roll dorado casino, porque queria melhorar um pouco o meu humor. O site carregou rapidamente e encontrei imediatamente as minhas slots favoritas. Cada rodada me fazia sorrir e sentir a emoção do jogo, e a interface permitia alternar facilmente entre os jogos. No geral, gostei da forma como a plataforma combina emoção e conveniência. Recomendo para as noites em que se quer relaxar.
-- Edited by dinarikas on Wednesday 19th of November 2025 05:48:17 PM
One good thing came from years of riding a whiskey-saddle at the bar...a fair collection of "guy walks into a bar" jokes. My favorite?
A baby seal walks into a bar and the barman asks "what'll it be?" and the baby seal says, "anything but a Canadian Club."
Next?
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 3rd of October 2009 06:15:56 PM
LOL Dean...
Woman goes to her boss and asks for the day off to attend her exhusband's
funeral; "It was the drink you know...It got to be more than he could handle and
in the end it took his life". Her boss knowing the situation gave her the day off.
It was a Wednesday and she didn't get back until the next Monday morning. Her
boss was a bit miffed and concerned and asked her for an explantion for the
longer leave time. "Well", she explained "True to his habit of not letting the family
in on his plans, he decided in the end to be cremated rather than be buried." "So
why would that keep you away for so long?" Her boss asked. "Well you see I
found out that he had abandoned his favorite beer and drank nothing but hard
liquor daily for the last two years of his life and once they set him afire it took three
days for it to go out."
We are not a glum lot!!
You just might want to edit this out or just kick me out ot MIP, or Just kick me in the butt.
my 2 cents, having a laugh about some alcoholic that did not make it, ok, here goes, I just cannot find any humor in it, at all. Even imaginary drunks.
Where is the Gratitude and Humility in these jokes???
Rigerous Honesty, that is what is suggested, so had to say it how I felt it.
Toodles,
and ouch, I can feel the censur already, hahahahahha!!!! The only drunk I feel I can laugh my ass off about is just me, in all my own dumb ass ideas, and actions when I was an active drunk.
ok, over and out........guess for just today you can call me the GLUM one, and don't think for one second I can't hear the BOO'S .....
-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 3rd of October 2009 07:10:03 PM
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 3rd of October 2009 07:53:41 PM
Well done for saying how it is for you Toni.
For me , make a joke, if I don't like it I won't laugh, if I do I will.
I remember reading about a comedian over here who was performing in Bradford just after the Bradford City FC Fire - he made some sort of sick crack about barbeques - half the audience walked out, half stayed. No accounting for taste is there. But the furore in the papers beggared belief.
I recall after the Hillsborough football disaster, some of the jokes going round my liverpool friends were a bit off colour and some people found them offensive. So I asked a liverpudlian why these jokes were seen as acceptable when quoth by a scouser, but not by anyone else. Soping strategy said he.
Much like the alkie jokes maybe?
Good Morning all,
This Post yesterday just seemed to hit a very exposed nerve that I have been feeling.
I have a very dear friend that has been in AA for 19 years, he came in when I did, and every two or three years, he would have one of those moments where, he became Spiritually disconnected, and would go out, always came back in about two or three weeks later, with all the remorse and shame, pull himself together, and plunge himself back into his home group, he has a ton of AA friends, a great sponsor that stays with him.
It has been about two or almost three months since I have heard from him, he gave me the name of someone, a name and phone number that is not anywhere to be found. We ALWAYS talked at least twice a month, he lives up in Marin, and as I said it has been such a long time, dont know if his phone is disconnected from not paying his bill, or if something has happened to him.
I had tried to call his number again yesterday, still disconnected, and it was weighing very heavy on my heart, and when I read the joke Post, it just did not sit well,
I do know that the jokes are not about any particular person, that is the difference, absolutely, and think this morning that I simply over-reacted. Some days are just better than others. Right?
Toodles all,
Toni
As a newcomer I can only say you seem to be a very caring and heartfelt supporter of this group. I'm sure nobody was offended by your opinion. I know I certainly have good days and bad... And humor is always subject to opinions, which you know what they say about opinions. I hope your days get easier and friend turns up!
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 4th of October 2009 03:36:48 PM
Happy to hear from you today, you and Jerry both are two people here that I consider just the best. Good old hindsight right, why I put your names on that response, I just reread it and it sure sounded like I was referring to you and Jerry and not the Post humor. I do apologize to you both for bringing your names in. I was not judging eitherone of you, but it sure came across like I was.
And in some way, I find comfort in your words about your friend, and yes I suppose a lot of us have those friends, and because we meet them in the Program, develope close bonds with them, we are faced with abandoning them, can't do that one, and also try sooo hard not to judge either. My friend has the same repeated history, gets some dumb ass little resentment, and he KNOWS all about resentments, but anyway that is his excuse, to go out, start with Alcohol, that switches quickly to Heroin, and a drug is a drug is a drug, but heroin has always scared me so much. The last time he came back, I said, give me the name of you Sponsor, and his ph. number, so if ever you do this again, I can call someone to see if you are ok? He did, and I simply lost that number, have looked all over my computer for it.
Was thinking this morning about when he came down to see me for a week in San Diego, sober of course, and we had such a great time, traveled all over the place finding some great meetings, and then my Son, that met him when he arrived, liked him so much that the day before he left, my Son insisted on driving up and taking B.... and I to the 4 Seasons for this unbelievable afternoon.
So this morning have made a decision to really try and let go, and Let God.
I think of my friend as that proverbial Jay Walker in the Big Book, and just for today don't have to know the outcome, that is between him and his Higher Power. I am Powerless, can only Pray that God will keep him safe.
and so grateful indeed, just for today anyway that I have not had the compulsion to pick up a drink, have not had one in over now 19 years, but that does not mean that that boogy man is not hovering just behind me. This Disease can be at times, so scary, then have to apply the Faith to the Fear, and the Fear dissapears.......
Toodles and thank you for telling me about your friend, hope he will turn to God and ask again for help.
As far as humor, wow, was thinking of calling someone and asking them "Got anygood jokes today?, could really use some right about now. Just for the Laughter. Great medicine, indeedy.
Toni
Hey, whatever happened to 'We are not a glum lot and Rule 62? We alkies in recovery can laugh at ourselves whilst still taking sobriety seriously can we not?
Check out this link http://www.aagrapevine.org/humor/
Here's one, not a guy walks into a bar, but A guy walks into the doctors.
Guy walks into doctors and says he is sick of throwing up every day of his life and feeling like crap. Doc asks him how much he drinks and was astounded by how much drinking he actually admitted to.
'Hold on right there a minute, I want to show you something' says the doc, and comes back with two identical glasses, one holding water the other whiskey. He takes an earthworm from another container and drops it into the water, and they both watch the worm swimming around happily, then doc says, 'OK, now watch this' and drops it into the whiskey glass, whereupon the worm shrivels up and dies.
'SO', says the doctor, 'does that not show you something about alcohol?'
It sure does, doc, it shows me that if I drink a lot of alcohol, I wil never have worms'
and let's add in teh qoute from a certain Fat Lady in her autobiography, when told that her blood was a bit thick. The doctor had only seen this in people who had taken quinine for malaria. That'll be it she said. I drink a lot of Schweppes indian tonic water.
the doctor said that she'd need to drink at least 2 litres a day.
That's right she said, to go with the 2litres of gin.
-- Edited by bikerbill on Wednesday 7th of October 2009 11:43:43 AM
The alkie did nothing, and the rain was still pouring down, so he went upstairs, and when the fire service arrived to start evacuating, he was looking out his bedroom window but he refused to get into the rescue truck saying,' Oh I'll be fine, I am a recovering alcoholic, and I have a God in my life who will look after me'
Hours later The RNLI came around in their lifeboat. The water was rising rapidly, and was right up to his upstairs window. The boat rescuers were pleading with him to get in the boat to be saved, otherwise he'd drowned. Again, he refused saying, 'Look, no worries, I am a recovering alcoholic and my God won't let me down, I'll be fine'
As a last resort, the RAF came in with helicopters to evacuate the last few remaining in the village and offers the alkie for the last time a chance to be taken to safety from the storms, but still he refused, still convinced that his God would save him. He was told that this was the very last chance of a rescue, but still he refused.
The storm continued, getting worse overnight, until he ended up sitting on his roof, praying that God would do something to help him, but alas, he was drowned. When he got to heaven, he looked at God and said, 'Hey man, what happened? I always believed that whenever I was in times of difficulty you would help me, how come you didn't do anything?'
God lets out a deep sigh and rolls his eyes and said, 'Oh for F***'s sake, What MORE could I have done? I sent you police rescue, the Fire service, the lifeboats AND a sodding helicopter'
-- Edited by Avril G on Monday 12th of October 2009 05:31:32 PM
One night I was too tired to watch another show, so I started searching for fun sites online. Thats when I landed on spinmama casino, and it turned out to be a great find. It has plenty of offers, bonuses that refresh daily, and nice features that keep it from getting boring. What I liked most was how smooth it felt no pop-ups or fake stuff. Its one of those sites that you can open anytime just to chill and enjoy a bit of fun.
Recentemente, tive de passar uma noite sozinha e não estava com muito ânimo. Decidi experimentar o roll dorado casino, porque queria melhorar um pouco o meu humor. O site carregou rapidamente e encontrei imediatamente as minhas slots favoritas. Cada rodada me fazia sorrir e sentir a emoção do jogo, e a interface permitia alternar facilmente entre os jogos. No geral, gostei da forma como a plataforma combina emoção e conveniência. Recomendo para as noites em que se quer relaxar.
-- Edited by dinarikas on Wednesday 19th of November 2025 05:48:17 PM