Hey guys, It has been a rough few days. I am trying soooooo hard to let go and let God. I am having a lot of physical problems, headaches, joint and connective tissue pain and I know alot of it is because of the stress I am under, or should I say, I have put myself under.
I told you about my husband, well he was sober for maybe 36 hours and has now been drunk since Sat.We don't live together, he lives in our rent house behind me. I don't actually stay at home as I am caring for my 77 year old mother at her house.So I have not seen or talked to him but a few seconds.
My daughter called, she works at a mental health clinic, they had a lecture about a new drug for alcoholism. She thinks it would be just the thing for her Dad. All I could say was , if she thought that was what he needed she needed to be the one to talk to him about it. I think she got upset that I didn't say I would talk to him. But I know that I can't talk to him about such things, been there done that, I know not to say a word, about his recovery or lack of.Anyway, I don't know what she will do. I think it is a matter of time before he goes back to jail and it makes me sad. I guess if that is what it takes to keep him sober, that is what it will be.
I talked to his sponsor and he said he has never in his 35 years in the program seen anyone like my husband, and he will only talk to my husband if he calls or comes to him. And I know that is what this program teaches us.I do remember oldtimers, who would come by and check on drunks, but that breed is dying off.I hear myself blaming, and wishing and grasping for a fix and I know it is all up to my husband and his will and his willingness to reach out to his higher power.
Today I will walk in the light, I will do what I must for myself. I am enjoying having my granddaughter staying with me. She is a breath of fresh air, we have worked in the yard, pulled weeds,gone to the park, bought snowcones, she is trying to catch the 2 wild kittens at my mothers house, I'm teaching her to sit and be still ,and they will come to her. Patience, yes, patience, a lesson I need to learn, and will be taught again.
I thank God today for my years of sobriety and I pray He will keep me sober today, I pray He will keep me out of the dry drunk also.I am grateful that I have this board to share on and to recieve the experience, strength and hope I get here.I will live life on lifes terms today, I will turn it all over to God today, and accept what He hands back to me as my part in the journey.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Phil said
Jun 2, 2005
Hi Gammy.
I understand what you are going through and my thoughts and prayers are with you, and your family.
Its hard to watch. Its hard when you are a part of it.
And I hafta be reminded daily, that we cannot do it for someone else, nomatter what the situation may be.
Its also hard to love and detatch, yet stand by that person also, with hope.
Im from the old school where even if a person is drinking, one is taught to drop in, or keep in touch--just to let them know that we are still here for them. Too many just walk away.
Its tough--its emotionally and mentally draining. But we have no control. We pray, and we stand by with love, as youre doing. The frustrating part of it all, there is nothing else we can do. Absolutely nothing.
We love you Gammy. You are not alone.
wantneeda said
Jun 2, 2005
(((hugs))) (((Gammy)))
sweetie, my thoughts and prayers are with you too...big time!!
Isn't that the MOST frustrating part of it all? That we can see what someone we care about is doing to themselves and NOT be able to fix, change or save them...i know!
Stress to me is the second offender...do we have control of it? sometimes...sometimes not.
I guess i'm too young in the program to really offer any suggestions...i just wanted you to know, like Phil said, you're loved, and not alone.
When we I pray for strength, God gives me difficulties to overcome...its up to me to recognize the answers....Do you have a God box? All your gripes, wishes, hopes...write them down and put them in there...1ooo times if it helps...it seems to help me Let go...I do believe He really is listening. And keep venting..don't let the power of your thoughts, pain, wishes or fears paralyze you...maybe a nice hot candlelight bath to ease your stress a little. \\//, and luv Wendy
Hanuman said
Jun 2, 2005
Hi Gammy.
I understand. I've got an older brother (dry drunk), a nephew and a brother-in-law (active addicts) that just can't seem to get it (or even want it).
I guess this is where my trust in Divine Order comes in. But it's tough, that's for sure. It seems I can only lead by example in these cases. My mom was sober watching me go through my struggles. She seems to have learned detachment with love. I think I'm learning it.
GammyRose said
Jun 2, 2005
Thanks guys for all of your kind words. I have had an ok day , God has been with me as always. I just needed to get things out and remember who is in control of the universe, it's not me.Whatever happens will be and I can't blame anyone.
Wendy,yes I have a God box, and it does help. I journal and I talk to my sponsor, and I pray contiually. I also take baths everyday as they help with the connective tissue disease I have, many people think I should be a dried up ,wrinkled old prune by now, I'm more like a fish in a small body of water. Baths are very stress reducing. I went for a long walk with my granddaughter today and then to an AA meeting tonight. I will keep on keeping on, and God will be there no matter what. It is hard to watch someone you love or just someone you know kill themselves with this disease but I know we have all lived through things we didn't think we could. I will not give up 5 minutes before the miracle.
I pray you all have a serene, sober evening.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
matisa said
Jun 3, 2005
(((HUGS))) Godbless! My thoughts and prayers are with you too,,,
Hey guys, It has been a rough few days. I am trying soooooo hard to let go and let God. I am having a lot of physical problems, headaches, joint and connective tissue pain and I know alot of it is because of the stress I am under, or should I say, I have put myself under.
I told you about my husband, well he was sober for maybe 36 hours and has now been drunk since Sat.We don't live together, he lives in our rent house behind me. I don't actually stay at home as I am caring for my 77 year old mother at her house.So I have not seen or talked to him but a few seconds.
My daughter called, she works at a mental health clinic, they had a lecture about a new drug for alcoholism. She thinks it would be just the thing for her Dad. All I could say was , if she thought that was what he needed she needed to be the one to talk to him about it. I think she got upset that I didn't say I would talk to him. But I know that I can't talk to him about such things, been there done that, I know not to say a word, about his recovery or lack of.Anyway, I don't know what she will do. I think it is a matter of time before he goes back to jail and it makes me sad. I guess if that is what it takes to keep him sober, that is what it will be.
I talked to his sponsor and he said he has never in his 35 years in the program seen anyone like my husband, and he will only talk to my husband if he calls or comes to him. And I know that is what this program teaches us.I do remember oldtimers, who would come by and check on drunks, but that breed is dying off.I hear myself blaming, and wishing and grasping for a fix and I know it is all up to my husband and his will and his willingness to reach out to his higher power.
Today I will walk in the light, I will do what I must for myself. I am enjoying having my granddaughter staying with me. She is a breath of fresh air, we have worked in the yard, pulled weeds,gone to the park, bought snowcones, she is trying to catch the 2 wild kittens at my mothers house, I'm teaching her to sit and be still ,and they will come to her. Patience, yes, patience, a lesson I need to learn, and will be taught again.
I thank God today for my years of sobriety and I pray He will keep me sober today, I pray He will keep me out of the dry drunk also.I am grateful that I have this board to share on and to recieve the experience, strength and hope I get here.I will live life on lifes terms today, I will turn it all over to God today, and accept what He hands back to me as my part in the journey.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Hi Gammy.
I understand what you are going through and my thoughts and prayers are with you, and your family.
Its hard to watch. Its hard when you are a part of it.
And I hafta be reminded daily, that we cannot do it for someone else, nomatter what the situation may be.
Its also hard to love and detatch, yet stand by that person also, with hope.
Im from the old school where even if a person is drinking, one is taught to drop in, or keep in touch--just to let them know that we are still here for them. Too many just walk away.
Its tough--its emotionally and mentally draining. But we have no control. We pray, and we stand by with love, as youre doing. The frustrating part of it all, there is nothing else we can do. Absolutely nothing.
We love you Gammy. You are not alone.
(((hugs))) (((Gammy)))
sweetie, my thoughts and prayers are with you too...big time!!
Isn't that the MOST frustrating part of it all? That we can see what someone we care about is doing to themselves and NOT be able to fix, change or save them...i know!
Stress to me is the second offender...do we have control of it? sometimes...sometimes not.
I guess i'm too young in the program to really offer any suggestions...i just wanted you to know, like Phil said, you're loved, and not alone.
When we I pray for strength, God gives me difficulties to overcome...its up to me to recognize the answers....Do you have a God box? All your gripes, wishes, hopes...write them down and put them in there...1ooo times if it helps...it seems to help me Let go...I do believe He really is listening. And keep venting..don't let the power of your thoughts, pain, wishes or fears paralyze you...maybe a nice hot candlelight bath to ease your stress a little. \\//, and luv Wendy
Thanks guys for all of your kind words. I have had an ok day , God has been with me as always. I just needed to get things out and remember who is in control of the universe, it's not me.Whatever happens will be and I can't blame anyone.
Wendy,yes I have a God box, and it does help. I journal and I talk to my sponsor, and I pray contiually. I also take baths everyday as they help with the connective tissue disease I have, many people think I should be a dried up ,wrinkled old prune by now, I'm more like a fish in a small body of water. Baths are very stress reducing. I went for a long walk with my granddaughter today and then to an AA meeting tonight. I will keep on keeping on, and God will be there no matter what. It is hard to watch someone you love or just someone you know kill themselves with this disease but I know we have all lived through things we didn't think we could. I will not give up 5 minutes before the miracle.
I pray you all have a serene, sober evening.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
(((HUGS))) Godbless! My thoughts and prayers are with you too,,,
Godbless!
w/love
matisa