Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.
I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they arent, dont want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process, said one recovering woman.
I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didnt love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking.
I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me.
I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy. What Im saying is this: Ive spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldnt. Its been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Wont work!
By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.
In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.
Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and Ill allow my life to become manageable.
GammyRose said
May 29, 2005
Thanks Phil, Just what I needed to start my morning. I put the whip back in the closet and I will leave the lion alone today to do what he needs to do in his life. I surrender, again today.Steps 1,2 and 3, man, am I glad I have a program !
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
cheri said
May 29, 2005
Glad you're back Phil. I miss your posts when you're gone.
And you too Gammy. I saw your post lower down, I'm so sorry...I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know I can't. Keep praying for the miracle to happen...it does sometimes. I have 4 yrs and my husband has 15 yrs. God, I can't imagine what I put him through!
Love you both, cheri
Phil said
May 29, 2005
Good to be back amongst you guys, and welcome back Gammy.
It feels pretty good just to be able to put the past in the past, and not dwell on it today.
Its nice to be able to live today and look forward to tomorrows.
I have a great gal in my life--weve been through and over every mountain that there is to go through, separately and together. We had both given up at different times, but God had and has other plans.
We still have our negative days, but we get through them--thats life. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we have come out the other side of those dark tunnels, and there is a light at the end of them. We hafta settle for a week a month together right now--but there will come a time when we can be together full time. I strive one day at a time, in Gods time, and look forward to that happening.
Powerlessness and Unmanageability
Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.
I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they arent, dont want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process, said one recovering woman.
I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didnt love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking.
I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me.
I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy. What Im saying is this: Ive spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldnt. Its been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Wont work!
By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.
In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.
Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and Ill allow my life to become manageable.
Thanks Phil, Just what I needed to start my morning. I put the whip back in the closet and I will leave the lion alone today to do what he needs to do in his life. I surrender, again today.Steps 1,2 and 3, man, am I glad I have a program !
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Glad you're back Phil. I miss your posts when you're gone.
And you too Gammy. I saw your post lower down, I'm so sorry...I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know I can't. Keep praying for the miracle to happen...it does sometimes. I have 4 yrs and my husband has 15 yrs. God, I can't imagine what I put him through!
Love you both, cheri
Good to be back amongst you guys, and welcome back Gammy.
It feels pretty good just to be able to put the past in the past, and not dwell on it today.
Its nice to be able to live today and look forward to tomorrows.
I have a great gal in my life--weve been through and over every mountain that there is to go through, separately and together. We had both given up at different times, but God had and has other plans.
We still have our negative days, but we get through them--thats life. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we have come out the other side of those dark tunnels, and there is a light at the end of them. We hafta settle for a week a month together right now--but there will come a time when we can be together full time. I strive one day at a time, in Gods time, and look forward to that happening.
You all have a great day.