well been hurt lots of times in my life by people I trust, this may be happening again, If this does I have decided to not take any more chances with people, I have decided not to go to any AA meetings because, why should I ? When all people do is hurt others?? been there done that way too many times, first time shame on them, secound time shame on me,,,

I can't take that chance..

matisa

Dear Matisa.:)  Just a saying that I picked up somewhere. "It is much easier to hide behind the walls we put up for ourselves, to shut out all the hurt from the outside world that others can create for us."

 But do I wish to live behind those walls in all that pain and hurt from the past? or do I wish to risk and trust in those that have walked the same paths that Ive walked. That know what true love is, that do understand how I feel, and share the same thoughts and feelings on a daily basis?  Groups of people, that I can fully trust? Where there is no manipulation or bull crap? No games--nothing asked of you in return? Just people that have been in the throes of Alcoholism, and wish to live a better way of life? One day at a time?

The answer is yes.  I wish to risk it.

Since I have taken that risk and reached out part way to others in the program, they have reached back. I have been given love by others, and in return have learned to show that love in return.

In the first year of sobriety I went to three hundred and sixty five meetings. I didnt want to go to a lot of those meetings. I had to go to those meetings.

By going--I met new freinds--honest, down to earth freinds. I learned to open up and share how I felt. In return, they shared their feelings and experience, strength and hope with me.

I cannot do this on my own. Ive tried.

I can quit drinking for any number of days on my own--but I cant stay quit on my own.

I dont want to be alone behind those walls any more. And even tho there is always risk of being hurt, in my life, the risk is small compared to all the caring and love I get in return from the AA meetings, and this fellowship.

Do I want to risk again, and trust again, and feel human and whole?  You betcha.

Meetings and the people around the AA tables help me do that.  

Do it my way? Been there done that.  Dont like the loneliness and pain involved.

Try it our way. Youll never regret it.:)   With Love

(((Matisa))) hugs for you!!

Like our friend Phil says hiding behind walls of pain and hurt is the easier softer way. Living life sober is HARD, but worth it!!

Don't leave before the miralce happens!!

this song by John Michael Montgomery pretty much sums up how i feel AA is for me..

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
That you can be sure I know my heart

`Coz I'll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear like a shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse, till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I'll give you everything I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the walls

And when just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
`Coz as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all

I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse, till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I swear by the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse, till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear, I swear

i used to gamble...on my life...taking  the chance that i would live...i took a gamble on AA and it's saving my life!!!

AA has taught me to trust in my HP, in myself a little bit, to have some faith in myself, i never had that before, from this i have learned to trust in the process. Life is a journey not a destination, so is sobriety.

Keep coming back Matisa, we need you, we'll love you til you can love yourself and then? we'll love you some more!

\\// Wendy

I think for most people, myself include, walking into my first AA meeting was the hardest thing in the world to do. The thoughts running through my head were kind of like this..."What will they think of me? Do I have a right to be here? They will judge me...etc."

The fear of the unknown is always worse than the fears we know. But what if, just maybe, by trusting another it leads us to a fellowship of people that have no conditions, no expectations,who only want to love and help their fellow alcoholics?  What if, just maybe, by walking into that meeting I find that I am not unique in my pain and misery, that other people have hurt in the same way and can help me stop hurting? And what if, just maybe, I grow and find that I am helping others in a way that I never thought I could?

This is what I found when I finally walked through those doors.By opening up and becoming vulnerable to hurt, I found strength. By surrendering to God, I found that I didn't have to be controlled by alcohol. And by asking others for help, I found that I could help them also.

Love, cheri

Wow. I can feel the fear and pain in this post. I've definitely been there. I've been taken apart pretty good in meetings by a sandbagging old timer or two. And I will admit it drove me away from AA. But the booze just drove me back eventually. And while I was out I had a sandbagging bartender dump on me too. So it doesn't really matter. People are people, inside AA and out. Some are lovely and kind and others are bitter and hurtful, even some who have been sober for a long time. The Big Book tells us these people are perhaps emotionally sick, and we need to treat them as we would a sick friend. It's a tall order, but that's about all we can do. None of us is a god. We're just humans and we have to give others a little of the compassion and forgiveness and that we ourselves would like to have.

If you meet someone in AA, there's one thing you know about them for certain: they're sick. The healthy well adjusted ones don't come to AA.

God bless you,

when I came around here, i didn't want any friends, any hugs, and especially your love, I was incapable of caring for others so I sure didn't want you caring about me. just wanted to stop drinking and get my check home. room full of people, and i was still lonely. and that was at 4yrs sober and had done the steps twice. I am an african american male who lives in south central  L A , I found a meeting actually the meeting found me that is predominatly caucasion at first  ignorance lead me to believe i had nothin in common with these folks, as i learned they felt the same way i did, I surrendered myself again.

Dec 24 2001 my son was shot in the head in front of my house. left for dead, spent Xmas eve in a hospital in south central, after a very long night my wife sent me to that meeting where 150 people prayed for my son, then on Xmas day 75 of them showed up for me. had I allowed my head to run me out of that meeting, i would have missed that, my son would have too I love this fellowship

the son is 100% physically and mentally

so don't ever allow anyone to run you out of a meeting or this fellowship

this is a gift from god, so are you ! 

Thanks everyone, Your right, I think I just got a little hyper, see I have a tendencey to search for metaphores (deeper meanings) in just about everything and sometimes it cause"s me alot of problems. Anyway, your right Iv been through alot, But Iv got to learn that not everyone can understand the emotional and mental pain that it can bring,,,

I was also just told by someone that I live in the interent world too much ,, maybe I do but then again their are real people on the other end of that computer... And my brother met his wife through the internet,,, Isn't that a personal veiw instead of a fact?

The interent has helped me in ways that no one else could ever help me, , you can meet people who have alot of experience in many different areas,, I feel the interent is of vital importance in many people lives not just mine..

Anyway ,thank you all for your encouragement and support you are right I am going to go to one...

Godbless!

matisa

ya know even though they say people who are Alcoholics are sick on the inside or I prefer to say they hurt on the inside, I don't think that should give anyone the right to be unkind or hateful to others...  I know I hurt alot alot of the times but, unless Im attacted by someone else I will not say unkind words to anyone and even when Im attacted I still will not do that. I will try very hard to be as kind as I can,,,

Being Disabled in the way I am, people try to walk on my rights all the time. Its very hard for me, I get accused of things that arn't true.

such as at work, Im a very hard worker and do an excellent job, but people refuse to see that, they want to see the disabled person instead. I am also a in college right now, working on my bachulors degree in Education. I am maintaing a 3.4 average which is an A average that that is very good. However it is a never ending battle of people constantalty haveing doughts about me makeing it in college yet I hold a 3.4 average. I am a sophmore in college right now. no matter what I do no one see's me as I really am,,,  

I was very lucky in highschool I had very good friends who saw me through everything, They are people I will never forget And GODBLESS their little souls, I love them with all my heart!!! They got me through some very rough times. They were the most AWSOME people I have ever ment! I was very lucky!!!!

I now have one of those AWSOME people from highschool back in my life but, now I feel sorry for him because I have been through so much and I think he has put up with wayyyyyyyyyy too much from me,, I love him with all my heart though and I think I need help so that I won't lose this person as my friend,,  Im way too hypersensitive, its awlful, I will deffeintly go to an AA meeting, And thanks everyone for letting me babble on like I am and being so supportive.

Godbless!

matisa

This is the place to vent if ya need to...you get people from all over who have experienced the same doubts and fears, and all we care about is helping you find what you need.

I'm glad you decided to go to a meeting...let us know how it goes for you.

Love , cheri