"If Only. . ."
by Susie and Otto Collins

We don't know if birds do it or if bees do it but we do know that most of the people we've come in contact with do it. What we're talking about is the mantra of the modern era--"If only...."

"If only" is what most of us tend to focus on in all of our relationships. We tend to focus on the qualities that we don't like in others rather than the qualities that we do like. "If only he/she would listen to me." "If only we had a bigger house." "If only he would pick up his clothes." "If only I had a better job." "If only there was more passion in our relationship."

One of the biggest obstacles to having great relationships is focusing on what we don't like about someone else. In fact, it's not just in our relationships that we do this. It's in most of the areas of our lives.

One of the keys to creating great relationships requires you to change the way you look at life. It requires you to focus on what you like, love and admire about the people in your lives instead of what you don't like.


Every time you find yourself saying those two little "If only..." words, this should serve as a reminder that you are wanting someone or some thing in your life to be different than it really is.
It is important, to love others in your life wherever they are and not where you'd like them to be.

We suggest that if you find yourself saying "If only..." about a person or a situation in your life, stop yourself and focus on the good things about this person or situation.

The joy in life just gets sucked out of you if spend your time dwelling on past unhappy events, things you don't like, things you can't control and futurizing about negative events that haven't happened yet.

In life and in your relationships you have a choice. You can spend your time trying to get someone else to change and be more in alignment with what you want or you can find a way to love them where they are.



This is also true of a job or any situation in your life. If you spend your time at work saying to yourself (if not out loud) "If only..." then I'd like my job-- then you are hoping for someone or some thing outside of your control to change or be different. In this situation, you are again faced with the same challenge. If you can affect change, do so. If you cannot, then your only
option is to accept your employer and your job as it is or move on.

So we suggest that tomorrow you pay attention to the situations where you find yourself saying or thinking,"If only..." then write down what you appreciate about that person, job or relationship. Keep that list handy so that you can focus on the positives in
your life instead of the negatives. This is gratitude in action and can change your life.

When I met my mate, he asked me "What do you want in a partner?"

I said, "I just want someone to laugh with really. That's the most important thing."

When I start grumbling, or criticising or get frustrated cos he can do some really dumb things sometimes (no...truly...you got no idea) or I want him to wear something, say something, or do something he just doesn't want to do, or whatever.....

He puts his hands on his hips, grins this goofy smile and says:

"So what did you want in a partner, again?"

And I remember I have the AA program....

Good to see you Nic.:)

Yup-thats about all I want too. Just the simple being with each other, and sharing life. We can complicate it all if we wish too--that causes stress.:) Keep it simple.