I have had a great couple of weeks and am sooo grateful. Most of the stories I hear seem to be mainly about cravings and drinking almost every day. My drinking was different. I didn't crave alcohol and would not for awhile and then I would feel overwhelmed and helpless in what was going on in my life and would join my husband for a couple of beers which usually led to so called deep discussions, arguing and ultimatly with me being blamed. I wouldn't know how to fight back (cause by now I've had many drinks )and I would finish whatever beer was left and then go out. I wanted that no brain, no thoughts thing. But then tomorrow came and the self loathing, hate depression etc. and then I would try to make up for my weakness for the next while until it happened again. I never want to feel those feelings again and I know I can't be baited like that if I'm sober cause I can actually think and as they say it takes two to argue. I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar. I feel much stronger knowing I can go on this site whenever I need to and get the confidence I need to keep working hard. Julia
Suzy said
May 3, 2005
Hi there Julia
I can definitely relate. I did the exact same thing and so I never thought of myself as an alcoholic. For 16 years I have drank too much at different times and it is only in the last year that I have had a drink everyday. YOu know what , it just took my problems about myself , self- esteem, jealousy , fear of abandonment and all the rest to come to a head when I moved to a new country and my two kids were at an age that was so demanding. I realised that drinking every night helped to dull the senses , the anger, the resentment that I felt about my life. I have recently realised that I am an alcoholic and that I am powerless over alcohol whether it is every day or one day a week, I am powerless in the end.
I started here seeking support and I got it. I have also just today found a member of AA in this city where I live and I thank God that I did because it was my second biggest fear that I was not going to be able to do this on my own and I had no support here. I was wrong and I am planning to get to a meeting as soon as tonight. I know that I have a lot of things to deal with about myself and it is not simply the drinking that is my problem. AA is there for me, no matter what my other problems are, as long as I have a desire to stop drinking, which I do.
Do it for yourself, be selfish in this, nothing should stop you from being a happy healthy person.
Good Luck you will be in our thoughts.
Suzy
crambo said
May 3, 2005
Julia,
You just told my story.
Actually, it's the story of every relationship I've been in. I always was easy going and fun, until I got drinking, then I got all emotional and it always turned into a fight where I was somehow always in the wrong.I hated the feeling of waking up feeling sheepish and uncomfortable...I have a long way to go before I will be able to not cringe when I think of these times, but I am hoping that staying sober will stop this cycle, because,like you, I only get like that when I'm drunk.You're not alone,it's a pretty common situation for us women,eh?-Jill
GammyRose said
May 3, 2005
Julia, I was not a binge drinker , I drank almost every night. I started drinking when I was 12 years old and drank until a month before I turned 30. By the grace of God I have now been sober 20 years, Feb. 1985 is my soberity date.
I have been separated from my alcoholic husband since Oct. 2003. We have been married almost 22 years and I have known him 24 years.The strange thing is shortly after we separated God showed me if it had not been for my husband I might not have gotten sober, he was placed in my life to bring me to my knees, to cry out to my Higher Power, to surrender all, on that morning in 1985.
We would drink, party , start out having a great evening, but it almost always ended in a huge fight, verbal and physical, and I could hit as hard as any man. I truly believe if I had not stopped drinking someone would be dead today.
Did my husband stop drinking, No. Did the abuse stop, not really. I learned there was no fight worth my self respect, I learned to walk away, to detach. I came into the program of AA and Al-non , 6 years after I stopped drinking.It has been the life line that I needed , the steps have been the tools I needed to teach me to see what my part was in the disfuction in my life, to discard what I didn't need and to find my strengths , and to allow them to get stronger.
I'm what is called a triple winner in the program because I am also an adult child of an alcoholic. Some people would look at this as a curse, but I see my life as a blessing, because I have found a whole new family in the rooms of the programs.
Life is soooo much better sober. My worst day sober has been better then my best day drunk. I like who I am today, and I can honestly say if someone else doesn't like me that's okay,that's their right.
Keep working hard, you will never regret not drinking.I'm glad you are all here, I love to read all the experience, strength, and hope on this board.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
cheri said
May 4, 2005
Hi all,
I started drinking when I was 14. For 22 years I fooled myself into thinking I didn't have a problem, because I didn't drink ALL the time. I married men that were alcoholic and so could justify my drinking because, I wasn't as bad as they were. I went to work every day, had 4 kids, and slowly tried to kill myself each day by putting more and more poison into my body. But I didn't have a problem, it was always someone else with the problem. The last 5 yrs of my drinking I was working at bars(so I could drink for free), driving home drunk every night, waking up in strange places. My life slowly spiraled downward. By the time I finally found AA I was almost homeless, 2 steps awy from my kids getting yanked, the man I loved had left, and I truly wanted to die. I simply couldn't do it by myself anymore. When I walked into AA for the 1st time I still wasn't sure if I was alcoholic but I knew I was crazy.
I share this because I have found that our bottom is when we stop digging. I probably could have gone on a few yrs more but by the grace of my higher power I stopped digging. Whether we drink every day or only occasionally, it's what it does to us when we do drink that makes us alcoholic.
Hi there Julia
I can definitely relate. I did the exact same thing and so I never thought of myself as an alcoholic. For 16 years I have drank too much at different times and it is only in the last year that I have had a drink everyday. YOu know what , it just took my problems about myself , self- esteem, jealousy , fear of abandonment and all the rest to come to a head when I moved to a new country and my two kids were at an age that was so demanding. I realised that drinking every night helped to dull the senses , the anger, the resentment that I felt about my life. I have recently realised that I am an alcoholic and that I am powerless over alcohol whether it is every day or one day a week, I am powerless in the end.
I started here seeking support and I got it. I have also just today found a member of AA in this city where I live and I thank God that I did because it was my second biggest fear that I was not going to be able to do this on my own and I had no support here. I was wrong and I am planning to get to a meeting as soon as tonight. I know that I have a lot of things to deal with about myself and it is not simply the drinking that is my problem. AA is there for me, no matter what my other problems are, as long as I have a desire to stop drinking, which I do.
Do it for yourself, be selfish in this, nothing should stop you from being a happy healthy person.
Good Luck you will be in our thoughts.
Suzy
Julia,
You just told my story.
Actually, it's the story of every relationship I've been in. I always was easy going and fun, until I got drinking, then I got all emotional and it always turned into a fight where I was somehow always in the wrong.I hated the feeling of waking up feeling sheepish and uncomfortable...I have a long way to go before I will be able to not cringe when I think of these times, but I am hoping that staying sober will stop this cycle, because,like you, I only get like that when I'm drunk.You're not alone,it's a pretty common situation for us women,eh?-Jill
Julia, I was not a binge drinker , I drank almost every night. I started drinking when I was 12 years old and drank until a month before I turned 30. By the grace of God I have now been sober 20 years, Feb. 1985 is my soberity date.
I have been separated from my alcoholic husband since Oct. 2003. We have been married almost 22 years and I have known him 24 years. The strange thing is shortly after we separated God showed me if it had not been for my husband I might not have gotten sober, he was placed in my life to bring me to my knees, to cry out to my Higher Power, to surrender all, on that morning in 1985.
We would drink, party , start out having a great evening, but it almost always ended in a huge fight, verbal and physical, and I could hit as hard as any man. I truly believe if I had not stopped drinking someone would be dead today.
Did my husband stop drinking, No. Did the abuse stop, not really. I learned there was no fight worth my self respect, I learned to walk away, to detach. I came into the program of AA and Al-non , 6 years after I stopped drinking.It has been the life line that I needed , the steps have been the tools I needed to teach me to see what my part was in the disfuction in my life, to discard what I didn't need and to find my strengths , and to allow them to get stronger.
I'm what is called a triple winner in the program because I am also an adult child of an alcoholic. Some people would look at this as a curse, but I see my life as a blessing, because I have found a whole new family in the rooms of the programs.
Life is soooo much better sober. My worst day sober has been better then my best day drunk. I like who I am today, and I can honestly say if someone else doesn't like me that's okay,that's their right.
Keep working hard, you will never regret not drinking.I'm glad you are all here, I love to read all the experience, strength, and hope on this board.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Hi all,
I started drinking when I was 14. For 22 years I fooled myself into thinking I didn't have a problem, because I didn't drink ALL the time. I married men that were alcoholic and so could justify my drinking because, I wasn't as bad as they were. I went to work every day, had 4 kids, and slowly tried to kill myself each day by putting more and more poison into my body. But I didn't have a problem, it was always someone else with the problem. The last 5 yrs of my drinking I was working at bars(so I could drink for free), driving home drunk every night, waking up in strange places. My life slowly spiraled downward. By the time I finally found AA I was almost homeless, 2 steps awy from my kids getting yanked, the man I loved had left, and I truly wanted to die. I simply couldn't do it by myself anymore. When I walked into AA for the 1st time I still wasn't sure if I was alcoholic but I knew I was crazy.
I share this because I have found that our bottom is when we stop digging. I probably could have gone on a few yrs more but by the grace of my higher power I stopped digging. Whether we drink every day or only occasionally, it's what it does to us when we do drink that makes us alcoholic.
Love you allll very much, cheri