I am so glad I found this site. I have screwed up AGAIN. I hate myself and what I become when I drink. This is my third time coming back and I have to make it this time. I need your help
wantneeda said
Apr 20, 2005
hi Julia..a big welcome sent your way!!!! one day at a time...and never say never...as long as you have hope and faith you have nothing to fear...AA has saved my life...have you tried meetings?
Even though you "screwed up again" your still trying and you've found yor way here,,give yourself credit for that..
for me TOTAL acceptance nad surrender is the only thing that has brought me to working on my 315th day clean and sober!
i hope you stick around, i look forward to getting to know you!! \\//peace , wendy
ellen said
Apr 20, 2005
Welcome, well you came to a the right place. There is lots of support, here so keerp checking in and in a couple of days you should hear good stuff from everyone here.
Well you should not be getting too hard on youself, I know it somtimes takes a few times to understand the importiance of the suggestions that this program provides. It is a disease, that you have to realize, you need to change EVERYTHING in order to get any results. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You have obviously relapsed and I have to ask you---Is it such a bad thing to say "my way doesn't work" to be happy? and to be honest with yourself about that.
Because that is what needs to happen. You have no time to hate yourself , it's time to stay in the soultion and do the suggestions that are given to you. Do a 90 in 90 and identify not compare the things that you hear. It's all up to you. If a 90 in 90 is not an option than call someone in the program, once a day, to check in.
But we all have made mistakes and you can choose your bottom. Keep coming back to the board and cheer-up, you are alive, so there are possibilties. god bless
-- Edited by ellen at 13:39, 2005-04-20
Phil said
Apr 20, 2005
Hi there!! It took this kid 7 years of bouncing in and out before it clicked.
Every time I went back out it produced more low self esteem, guilt, remorse and all that negative stuff.--plus more crap to clean up, and more people in my life hurt, by my actions.
Had it in my head that I was a bad person--not a sick person, with a disease.
Every time I quit going to meetings my thinking went backwards, and the monkey on my shoulder whispered " Yaaa--its ok--one or 2 wont hurt yu" Everythings going to be ok" ohhhh yaaa
Im an alcoholic. It took me a long time to accept that fully.
I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stay sober.
The 12 steps were not for me. I was different.:) Doh!
Just for today I will not pick up a drink. There are some days Ide like to.:) But there are consequences for our actions.
There are no easier softer ways. Tried em all. Yesterday is gone. "Today is the first day of a new life" Tired of putting my hand on the hot stove.:)
We fall down--we pick ourselves up--dust ourselves off, and as has been mentioned. try Again.
You are loved. And you are not alone. :)
cheri said
Apr 20, 2005
Hi Julia,
Welcome, I'm glad you found us. As stated before, you will find love and support here. We care. Since this is your 3rd try, I guess I can assume that you found out it isn't any different out there as it was before. For me, the only way I could do it was to admit total defeat. When I came in, I was beaten down, 2 steps from being homeless, broke and willing to try anything. I became teachable and the people in AA were willing to teach me a new way to live.
I'm big on telling people that they need to get to a meeting and ask for help. If that isn't possible, call AA and ask for a 12 step call. And keep posting on this board, you will find that the people on this board are no different than the AA communities.We are willing to do whatever we can to help.
Just for today,don't drink...
love,cheri
Suzy said
Apr 20, 2005
Hi Julia
I feel the same way. I can drink in moderation you see, Most of the time, BUT I still let it go too far occasionally. When I do this I hurt people closest to me and I am not being a good mother to my kids because I am out of my mind drunk.
I want to stop but unlike most people who find help in AA I dont ever let things get to rock bottom. I always get forgiveness from the people I hurt, no one reallly holds me accountable. I only drink at home so I dont really ever get into trouble. I hate the way alcohol controls me so, even if it is occassionally. My mood swings are awful after I have been drinking, even the day after. I hate myself and I always regret it too much.
I will try to be a support to you . Keep coming back. Your life can be inspiration to me.
Suzy
Rick said
Apr 21, 2005
why can't I seem to do it?? You can, just like the rest of us did. We got desperate enough. We got humble and asked for help, just like you are doing by coming here. The 90 meetings in 90 days are a great suggestion. I was told, just try it. If at the end of 90 days, you feel drinking is better,go try it again. You'll be back when your ready. I was told you only have to do this once. It worked for 6 years. Then I started slipping backwards, picked up that first drink. It lasted 7 years before I put it back down. We're all different, yet all alike!! ALKIES
YOU CAN DO THIS IF I CAN YOU CAN
JUst don't drink today Rick
Rick said
Apr 21, 2005
Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. --Brendan Francis
There was a huge slide at the park and Jason was afraid to go on it. There were so many steps to climb to reach the top. All of his friends were climbing up the steps and yelling as they came down the long rolling slide.
"Come on," said his friend Steve. "It's lots of fun!"
"Isn't it scary?" asked Jason.
"A little bit," answered Steve, "but you get used to it." He ran off to go again.
Jason walked to the steps of the slide, his heart pounding in his chest. Slowly he placed his foot on the first step and lifted himself up. Courageously he climbed the ladder. When he reached the high platform he felt as if he were standing on top of the world.
We can learn from Jason that by taking that first step we can experience many exciting and wonderful things. We have all done it before, on the slide, on a bicycle, in school. Why not again?
hi Julia..a big welcome sent your way!!!! one day at a time...and never say never...as long as you have hope and faith you have nothing to fear...AA has saved my life...have you tried meetings?
Even though you "screwed up again" your still trying and you've found yor way here,,give yourself credit for that..
for me TOTAL acceptance nad surrender is the only thing that has brought me to working on my 315th day clean and sober!
i hope you stick around, i look forward to getting to know you!! \\//peace , wendy
Welcome, well you came to a the right place. There is lots of support, here so keerp checking in and in a couple of days you should hear good stuff from everyone here.
Well you should not be getting too hard on youself, I know it somtimes takes a few times to understand the importiance of the suggestions that this program provides. It is a disease, that you have to realize, you need to change EVERYTHING in order to get any results. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You have obviously relapsed and I have to ask you---Is it such a bad thing to say "my way doesn't work" to be happy? and to be honest with yourself about that.
Because that is what needs to happen. You have no time to hate yourself , it's time to stay in the soultion and do the suggestions that are given to you. Do a 90 in 90 and identify not compare the things that you hear. It's all up to you. If a 90 in 90 is not an option than call someone in the program, once a day, to check in.
But we all have made mistakes and you can choose your bottom. Keep coming back to the board and cheer-up, you are alive, so there are possibilties. god bless
-- Edited by ellen at 13:39, 2005-04-20
Hi there!! It took this kid 7 years of bouncing in and out before it clicked.
Every time I went back out it produced more low self esteem, guilt, remorse and all that negative stuff.--plus more crap to clean up, and more people in my life hurt, by my actions.
Had it in my head that I was a bad person--not a sick person, with a disease.
Every time I quit going to meetings my thinking went backwards, and the monkey on my shoulder whispered " Yaaa--its ok--one or 2 wont hurt yu" Everythings going to be ok" ohhhh yaaa
Im an alcoholic. It took me a long time to accept that fully.
I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stay sober.
The 12 steps were not for me. I was different.:) Doh!
Just for today I will not pick up a drink. There are some days Ide like to.:) But there are consequences for our actions.
There are no easier softer ways. Tried em all. Yesterday is gone. "Today is the first day of a new life" Tired of putting my hand on the hot stove.:)
We fall down--we pick ourselves up--dust ourselves off, and as has been mentioned. try Again.
You are loved. And you are not alone. :)
Hi Julia,
Welcome, I'm glad you found us. As stated before, you will find love and support here. We care. Since this is your 3rd try, I guess I can assume that you found out it isn't any different out there as it was before. For me, the only way I could do it was to admit total defeat. When I came in, I was beaten down, 2 steps from being homeless, broke and willing to try anything. I became teachable and the people in AA were willing to teach me a new way to live.
I'm big on telling people that they need to get to a meeting and ask for help. If that isn't possible, call AA and ask for a 12 step call. And keep posting on this board, you will find that the people on this board are no different than the AA communities.We are willing to do whatever we can to help.
Just for today,don't drink...
love,cheri
Hi Julia
I feel the same way. I can drink in moderation you see, Most of the time, BUT I still let it go too far occasionally. When I do this I hurt people closest to me and I am not being a good mother to my kids because I am out of my mind drunk.
I want to stop but unlike most people who find help in AA I dont ever let things get to rock bottom. I always get forgiveness from the people I hurt, no one reallly holds me accountable. I only drink at home so I dont really ever get into trouble. I hate the way alcohol controls me so, even if it is occassionally. My mood swings are awful after I have been drinking, even the day after. I hate myself and I always regret it too much.
I will try to be a support to you . Keep coming back. Your life can be inspiration to me.
Suzy
why can't I seem to do it?? You can, just like the rest of us did. We got desperate enough. We got humble and asked for help, just like you are doing by coming here. The 90 meetings in 90 days are a great suggestion. I was told, just try it. If at the end of 90 days, you feel drinking is better,go try it again. You'll be back when your ready. I was told you only have to do this once. It worked for 6 years. Then I started slipping backwards, picked up that first drink. It lasted 7 years before I put it back down. We're all different, yet all alike!! ALKIES
YOU CAN DO THIS IF I CAN YOU CAN
JUst don't drink today Rick
There was a huge slide at the park and Jason was afraid to go on it. There were so many steps to climb to reach the top. All of his friends were climbing up the steps and yelling as they came down the long rolling slide.
"Come on," said his friend Steve. "It's lots of fun!"
"Isn't it scary?" asked Jason.
"A little bit," answered Steve, "but you get used to it." He ran off to go again.
Jason walked to the steps of the slide, his heart pounding in his chest. Slowly he placed his foot on the first step and lifted himself up. Courageously he climbed the ladder. When he reached the high platform he felt as if he were standing on top of the world.
We can learn from Jason that by taking that first step we can experience many exciting and wonderful things. We have all done it before, on the slide, on a bicycle, in school. Why not again?
What fear can I walk through today?