One has to grow up with good talk in order to form the habit of it. --Helen Hayes
Our habits, whatever they may be, were greatly influenced, if not wholly formed, during childhood. We learned our behavior through imitation, imitation of our parents, our siblings, our peer group. But we need not be stuck in habits that are unhealthy. The choice to create new patterns of behavior is ours to make--every moment, every hour, every day. However, parting with the old pattern in order to make way for the new takes prayer, commitment, determination.
All of us who share these Steps have broken away from old patterns. We have chosen to leave liquor and pills alone. We may have chosen to leave unhealthy relationships. And we are daily choosing to move beyond our shortcomings. But not every day is a successful one. Our shortcomings have become ingrained. Years of pouting, or lying, or feeling fearful, or overeating, or procrastinating beckon to us; the habit invites itself.
We can find strength from the program and one another to let go of the behavior that stands in the way of today's happiness. And we can find in one another a better, healthier behavior to imitate.
The program is helping me to know there is a better way, every day, to move ahead. I am growing up again amidst the good habits of others, and myself. -------------------
Deadlines
I dont know whether I want in or out of this relationship. Ive been struggling with it for months now. Its not appropriate to let it hang indefinitely. I will give myself two months to make a decision. --Anonymous
Ive had this unsolved problem hanging over my head for six months now. Im confused. Im not certain what to do. Im going to give myself one month to come up with a solution. --Anonymous
Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.
This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.
That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.
We dont always need to tell people weve got a deadline. Sometimes, its better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.
Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we cant solve.
Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.
wallsal55 said
Apr 20, 2005
ROFL about deadlines. I looked at it as a contract. I'll stay 2 more months, 6 more months, then renew contract if I want. Duh. Well, anyway from 8 yrs. of marriage to 27 yrs. of marriage. That's how we got here, one day at a time. Sobriety again. Will it have been in my best interest in the long run? Who knows. Hope so.
Our habits, whatever they may be, were greatly influenced, if not wholly formed, during childhood. We learned our behavior through imitation, imitation of our parents, our siblings, our peer group. But we need not be stuck in habits that are unhealthy. The choice to create new patterns of behavior is ours to make--every moment, every hour, every day. However, parting with the old pattern in order to make way for the new takes prayer, commitment, determination.
All of us who share these Steps have broken away from old patterns. We have chosen to leave liquor and pills alone. We may have chosen to leave unhealthy relationships. And we are daily choosing to move beyond our shortcomings. But not every day is a successful one. Our shortcomings have become ingrained. Years of pouting, or lying, or feeling fearful, or overeating, or procrastinating beckon to us; the habit invites itself.
We can find strength from the program and one another to let go of the behavior that stands in the way of today's happiness. And we can find in one another a better, healthier behavior to imitate.
The program is helping me to know there is a better way, every day, to move ahead. I am growing up again amidst the good habits of others, and myself.
-------------------
Deadlines
Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.
This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.
That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.
We dont always need to tell people weve got a deadline. Sometimes, its better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.
Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we cant solve.
Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.