Who am I?

   Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear,
For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks.
Masks that I am afraid to take off.
But none of them are me.
But don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I am secure,
That all is sunny and unruffled with me,
Within as well as without,
That confidence is my name and coolness my game,
And that I need no one,
Don't believe me, Please!

My surface may be smooth,
But my surface is my mask,
My vaying and ever concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness,
No complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me,
In confusion and fear,
In loneliness.

I idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
Of what's crying within me.
So, when I'm going through my routine,
Please don't be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully, and try to hear what I'm not saying,
And what I'd like to be able to say,
What for survival I need to say,
But what I can't say.

Only you can call me into aliveness,
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings.
Very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

With your sympathy and sensitivity, 
And your power of understanding,
You can breathe life into me,
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
How you can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
My long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for,
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,
In this lies my hope.
My only hope.

Who am I, you may wonder.
I am someone you know very well,
I am a hurting member of your family,
I am the hurting person sitting beside you in this room,
I am every person you meet on the street.
Please don't believe my mask,
Please come behind it to glimpse the real me.
Please speak to me, share a little of yourself with me,
At least recognize me.
Please ...
Because You Care.

Author Unknown to me

Hey Phil  Could you please E-mail me a copy of this.

I need a friend today as I lost one yesterday. My best Girl Ellie. She was a 11 month old Boxer choc lab mix. I cry As i type in her name as my pass word. ELLIE  God I loved Her. Only had her 3 months a gift from God.  She gave Me alot. Boy was I pissed at God yesterday. I'm going to try to enjoy today. I'm not goiing to worry about or do shit today.  Noon meeting, motorcycle ride.  Been way to busy in lifes bullshit.  TIME to slow down.  I DON"T HAVE TO DRINK TODAY!!  Boy would I like to wash it all away.  I guees I needed to be hare today.

Love You guys  Rick

Teach Me

Teach me, God, so that I might know
The way to change and the way to grow.
Give me the words to ask You how
To handle the here and live in the now.

Tempt me not with the valleys of death,
Give me freedom from fear in every breath.
And though mistakes I make in my daily life,
Deliver me from aiding strife.

Understand me, God, as I am now
And show me the furrows I need to plow.
To reach my goal as a ripening food,
So I might feed others all that is good.

Fill me with energy known as the Power,
Until I come to rest at the midnight hour.

Just crying like a baby all alone

It husts bad and it's real.

Hey rick! saw your post man. sorry for your loss. losing something near and dear is always painful. I just found this sight as I am unable to make my daily meetings like I used to so when I am down and need to H.A.L.T. I just come on line and read the posts. glad you aint drinkin, I feel for you man. This too shall pass.

Bert

Hi Rick, so sorry for your loss!!! Take it easy on yourself today as it sounds like you plan on it.

My thoughts are with you my friend   \\//

Phil ,thanks for this post. Even after 14 years in the rooms of AA and Al-anon I still find myself wearing masks, but it is so easy for me to see it when others are doing it, hmmmmm.

Rick , I'm so sorry to hear about Ellie. I'm glad you shared your grief with us.I have really missed you posting, where have you been my friend. I'm happy you are back. even under the awful circumstance. Hang in there, I know we can stay sober though anything and when we come out on the other side ,we can share how we did it with others. A noon meeting and the wind blowing in the hair sounds like a plan.You are not alone and I will be prayinfg for you.

Thanks for "Teach Me".

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Hola, intentaba ahorrar para comprarme un móvil caro y siempre terminaba gastando parte del dinero, así que cuando un amigo del región Español comentó que aquí daban bonos pensados justo para nosotros me animé a entrar en winairline; empecé con la slot Gates of Olympus y tuve una racha malísima, pero al subir la apuesta llegó un premio grande que me permitió avanzar por fin. Por eso lo dejo como opción para quien busque una oportunidad similar.

My mother fell sick with typhoid and malaria, and the private hospital demanded a huge deposit before commencing treatment. The government hospital was on strike, so I had no choice. I checked my account and it was red. I prayed and played the chickenroad game . The jackpot hit just in time, allowing me to pay the deposit, buy all the expensive drugs, and ensure she got the best care possible