Hi All,
When I got sober 14 years ago I went to about 4-5 meetings a week for the first 5 years or so.
Lately I've found myself struggling with meetings and getting to them seems to require a great effort. I think it's partially because I'm bored with local meetings which seem very monotonous. The other thing is that I generally prefer to just stay home. I'm not agoraphobic but I just hate going out any more than I have to. Not just meetings but going anywhere really. I've become a bit of a hermit over the past year. Going to meetings outside the area involves more driving which I despise.
Conversely, when I travel to far away places I really relish going to meetings as they always seem fresh.
The concern, of course, is all the dire warnings about what happens to people when they stop going to meetings. I'm not sure if I'm just in a rut or if perhaps a meeting or 2 every couple weeks is enough for me. Most of my drinking was done in isolation at home.
I've tried looking at attending meetings from the perspective that I was going to give something to the group and help others rather than to get something out of it for myself. But I've sensed that I've become a bit of a heretic with groups in the area in that I sometimes don't follow along with the party line (such as holding hands and saying the "Lord's Prayer"). It doesn't take much to get ostracized around here.
So I guess I'd like to hear other peoples thoughts about meetings and their importance (or not) after a period of sobriety.
toni said
Apr 12, 2005
Hey,
You say you don't really like going to meetings but you drank at home alot? Well, then it looks to me as if you should go. Alcoholism is progressive, you are not cured no matter how many years of sobriety you've had. The most you'll ever be sober is 24 hours. Just remember that today you are one day closer to your next drink, so stay on your toes and keep doing what you need to do to be sober.
Sorry if this sounded harsh.
Toni
odaat said
Apr 12, 2005
Let's see....I drank every day.....so going to meetings every day is just another habit. Posts like yours remind me that meetings are important. We got a guy up here that is celebrating 51 years of continous sobriety next month. He still and has never stopped going to meetings. I see enough evidence every day about people who stop going to meetings. Anger, Resentment, Bitterness, Negativity all of which I do not want. The opposite of all those things is "Gratitude." If you cannot be grateful pray for the willingness.
Recovery is like marathon. If I ever stop I will fall behind. Your either moving toward recovery or toward addiction. There is no homeostasis.
If I ever start sounding like I have arrived give me a big swift kick in the butt. Recovery is not a destination but a journey.
Life is not a test to be endured but a Journey to be experienced.
C.S. Lewis coined, "Pain is God's Megaphone."
-- Edited by odaat at 21:33, 2005-04-12
Phil said
Apr 12, 2005
Hey Hanuman.:) I can identify with you my freind. Im as old as dirt in AA.
There have been periods of--Im bored with hearing the same ole stuff at the same meeting from the same people
or
Im ok-I dont need a meeting this week
or
Ive got it made now so why go
or
other meetings are too far to go
or
Im tired. I just want to sit at home and relax.
the list goes on, and there were periods of thinking that I was just stuck in a rut.
Im going to share a bit of what happenned.
My thinking started going backwards-my old character defects started to rear their ugly heads.
I became a dry drunk over a period of time, and my life went for a crap.
After almost 18 years I almost drank. The rest of it? "Hell" is a tame word" :)
Ive belonged to about 15 groups in 20 years--I move around-meet new people--make new freinds.
And the day I think Ive got it made is the day Im going to bend over, and say " someone kick it!!" hahaha
I just know one thing for sure. "I cant stay sober and sane on yesterdays AA" Thinkin of yu Buddy.
ellen said
Apr 13, 2005
I just got out of that phase. I had, had alot of things that went on in my second year and the start of my third I was tired. I was sick of the twenty questions everytime I went to a meeting.
Well at any rate I stopped for a while and I started to become stagnated. I could not tell during this but I just wasn't as happy and "alive". Just existed. That is how I found this board.
Thanks to the board I stayed some what connected..but not fully, sure I read etc....
But when I did go back I then cuold feel a difference in myself when I had that one on one and heard from others besides my own head. I became alive again and liberated. Just more comfortable in my skin.
but while you are away it creeps in so slowly that I now know why old timers still go to meetings a good part of the time.
Can't you get to different meetings at least one different one a week like take a ride somewhere and try new ones. You can break it up the monotony by doing the book meetings. i ballenced out my week by a sharing meeting a meeting i just listen in and a bb day and a 12 and 12 day, speaker etc.......
Just don't stay away from meetings too long It will change you remember the word CUNNING.?
Have a Great Day God bless..be careful
amanda2u2 said
Apr 13, 2005
Sometimes I get bored and restless with going to the same meeting with the same people doing the same things all the time,,, whether it be an AA meeting, or a church meeting or whatever. Some people like ruts, but I get restless or bored, or whatever. I need stimulation, change, to feel like I am learning and growing. Luckily for me I live in a city where there are lots of churches and meetings and I can easily switch up and get a change. I also change within, from being extroverted to a time of introversion,, and so sometimes I am pretty outgoing and active, and sometimes I am more quiet. This is not bad, this is living a full and adventruous life,,,,, if it is not just following impulses and makeing excuses to run away from things. Only you can really know whether you are really in a rut and need to expand your horizons, or whether you are learning more from introspection at the moment,, or whether you are making excuses to isolate and hide from life. If it is the former you might go a little longer distance to find some new things,,, if it is the latter you are getting closer to a 'dry drunk' and then a wet one.
the Serenity Prayer says "God, grant me.... the courage to change the things I can.." ,, so if you feel like changes need to be made... have courage, my friend, and change them.
love in recovery,
amanda
cheri said
Apr 13, 2005
I've noticed something about meetings...We see alot of people with under 10 yrs and alot of people with over 20 but not alot of people in between, and I've wondered where they are. My hubby is the same, he has 14 yrs and he doesn't go to as many meetings anymore. But guess what? We, the newer people in AA, need you. At 4 yrs sober, I need someone to show me how to live in the world. I know how to work the program amd can show the steps to a newcomer, but I need your experience as I go out into the world and start doing 12 step work, service work etc..
And it's ok to be a heretic. I am constantly challenging the whole "god thing". It's not that I don't believe in a HP but I think newcomers get it shoved down their throats way too quickly. My belief in God came after I worked the steps, not before. And I still don't say the Lord's prayer.
Any way, I kknow what you're saying but get to a meeting. Us 5 to 10 yr olds still need ya!!
Love, cheri
wantneeda said
Apr 13, 2005
not o mention us 10 month olds!!!!
odaat said
Apr 13, 2005
I disagree with the concept of God coming in after the steps. God is not a new concept to most of us who come dragging our tails into the halls. The idea of a faith that works is. I firmly believe that we are all born with a God conscienceness. The idea of knowing right from wrong gets instilled from day one whether it is putting our hands on a hot stove or crossing a busy street. I am reminded of how the program started in the first place. Various proffessionals from different walks of life were consulted. I like to think of it as a way to learn of the design of us humans. What I have come to realize that if I have a problem with God or religion or think that the higher power can be a lightbulb it's because of what's happening within me not them. I blamed everyone from God to the people in my life when I came in and the longer I stay sober and my mind clears up the more I see how the material says, "I am the making of my own problems." When I can fully admit that it is me and not them, like the saying says, "The truth will set me free." As long as I blame God or others the more I stay stuck in the problem and not the solution. The word alcohol comes from the word "Spiritus." The problem when I came in is I was resentful at all of the people and entities, including God and I felt resentment around them because they didn't supply my needs and did not do as I hoped they would do in my time. Now that I realize it is me not them I find out that this Higher Power allowed me to stray just as it allows me stay in contact with him and work toward a "faith that works." In the begining of AA the percentage of people who stayed sober was greater, people were into service faster and words like "Never" instead of "Rarely" were included in the readings and "honest desire" replaced "desire" in the third tradition.
"The truth will set you free but first it's going to piss you off."
-- Edited by odaat at 15:19, 2005-04-13
cheri said
Apr 13, 2005
"we came, we came to, we came to believe."
For me, I had to work the steps to find a relationship with a God. I couldn't grasp it any other way. I had to learn how NOT to drink before I could listen to someone talk about finding God.
I just don't think that telling someone who is coming in shaking and scared that they won't stay sober without finding God is doing them any good. Let's help them not drink and let the fog clear from their minds before we start telling them that hey guess what? God's been doing this for you, not us. For some it comes quickly, for others more slowly. And for me, the willingness is the most important thing.
Hey,
You say you don't really like going to meetings but you drank at home alot? Well, then it looks to me as if you should go. Alcoholism is progressive, you are not cured no matter how many years of sobriety you've had. The most you'll ever be sober is 24 hours. Just remember that today you are one day closer to your next drink, so stay on your toes and keep doing what you need to do to be sober.
Sorry if this sounded harsh.
Toni
Let's see....I drank every day.....so going to meetings every day is just another habit. Posts like yours remind me that meetings are important. We got a guy up here that is celebrating 51 years of continous sobriety next month. He still and has never stopped going to meetings. I see enough evidence every day about people who stop going to meetings. Anger, Resentment, Bitterness, Negativity all of which I do not want. The opposite of all those things is "Gratitude." If you cannot be grateful pray for the willingness.
Recovery is like marathon. If I ever stop I will fall behind. Your either moving toward recovery or toward addiction. There is no homeostasis.
If I ever start sounding like I have arrived give me a big swift kick in the butt. Recovery is not a destination but a journey.
Life is not a test to be endured but a Journey to be experienced.
C.S. Lewis coined, "Pain is God's Megaphone."
-- Edited by odaat at 21:33, 2005-04-12
Hey Hanuman.:) I can identify with you my freind. Im as old as dirt in AA.
There have been periods of--Im bored with hearing the same ole stuff at the same meeting from the same people
or
Im ok-I dont need a meeting this week
or
Ive got it made now so why go
or
other meetings are too far to go
or
Im tired. I just want to sit at home and relax.
the list goes on, and there were periods of thinking that I was just stuck in a rut.
Im going to share a bit of what happenned.
My thinking started going backwards-my old character defects started to rear their ugly heads.
I became a dry drunk over a period of time, and my life went for a crap.
After almost 18 years I almost drank. The rest of it? "Hell" is a tame word" :)
Ive belonged to about 15 groups in 20 years--I move around-meet new people--make new freinds.
And the day I think Ive got it made is the day Im going to bend over, and say " someone kick it!!" hahaha
I just know one thing for sure. "I cant stay sober and sane on yesterdays AA" Thinkin of yu Buddy.
I just got out of that phase. I had, had alot of things that went on in my second year and the start of my third I was tired. I was sick of the twenty questions everytime I went to a meeting.
Well at any rate I stopped for a while and I started to become stagnated. I could not tell during this but I just wasn't as happy and "alive". Just existed. That is how I found this board.
Thanks to the board I stayed some what connected..but not fully, sure I read etc....
But when I did go back I then cuold feel a difference in myself when I had that one on one and heard from others besides my own head. I became alive again and liberated. Just more comfortable in my skin.
but while you are away it creeps in so slowly that I now know why old timers still go to meetings a good part of the time.
Can't you get to different meetings at least one different one a week like take a ride somewhere and try new ones. You can break it up the monotony by doing the book meetings. i ballenced out my week by a sharing meeting a meeting i just listen in and a bb day and a 12 and 12 day, speaker etc.......
Just don't stay away from meetings too long It will change you remember the word CUNNING.?
Have a Great Day God bless..be careful
Sometimes I get bored and restless with going to the same meeting with the same people doing the same things all the time,,, whether it be an AA meeting, or a church meeting or whatever. Some people like ruts, but I get restless or bored, or whatever. I need stimulation, change, to feel like I am learning and growing. Luckily for me I live in a city where there are lots of churches and meetings and I can easily switch up and get a change. I also change within, from being extroverted to a time of introversion,, and so sometimes I am pretty outgoing and active, and sometimes I am more quiet. This is not bad, this is living a full and adventruous life,,,,, if it is not just following impulses and makeing excuses to run away from things. Only you can really know whether you are really in a rut and need to expand your horizons, or whether you are learning more from introspection at the moment,, or whether you are making excuses to isolate and hide from life. If it is the former you might go a little longer distance to find some new things,,, if it is the latter you are getting closer to a 'dry drunk' and then a wet one.
the Serenity Prayer says "God, grant me.... the courage to change the things I can.." ,, so if you feel like changes need to be made... have courage, my friend, and change them.
love in recovery,
amanda
I've noticed something about meetings...We see alot of people with under 10 yrs and alot of people with over 20 but not alot of people in between, and I've wondered where they are. My hubby is the same, he has 14 yrs and he doesn't go to as many meetings anymore. But guess what? We, the newer people in AA, need you. At 4 yrs sober, I need someone to show me how to live in the world. I know how to work the program amd can show the steps to a newcomer, but I need your experience as I go out into the world and start doing 12 step work, service work etc..
And it's ok to be a heretic. I am constantly challenging the whole "god thing". It's not that I don't believe in a HP but I think newcomers get it shoved down their throats way too quickly. My belief in God came after I worked the steps, not before. And I still don't say the Lord's prayer.
Any way, I kknow what you're saying but get to a meeting. Us 5 to 10 yr olds still need ya!!
Love, cheri
not o mention us 10 month olds!!!!
I disagree with the concept of God coming in after the steps. God is not a new concept to most of us who come dragging our tails into the halls. The idea of a faith that works is. I firmly believe that we are all born with a God conscienceness. The idea of knowing right from wrong gets instilled from day one whether it is putting our hands on a hot stove or crossing a busy street. I am reminded of how the program started in the first place. Various proffessionals from different walks of life were consulted. I like to think of it as a way to learn of the design of us humans. What I have come to realize that if I have a problem with God or religion or think that the higher power can be a lightbulb it's because of what's happening within me not them. I blamed everyone from God to the people in my life when I came in and the longer I stay sober and my mind clears up the more I see how the material says, "I am the making of my own problems." When I can fully admit that it is me and not them, like the saying says, "The truth will set me free." As long as I blame God or others the more I stay stuck in the problem and not the solution. The word alcohol comes from the word "Spiritus." The problem when I came in is I was resentful at all of the people and entities, including God and I felt resentment around them because they didn't supply my needs and did not do as I hoped they would do in my time. Now that I realize it is me not them I find out that this Higher Power allowed me to stray just as it allows me stay in contact with him and work toward a "faith that works." In the begining of AA the percentage of people who stayed sober was greater, people were into service faster and words like "Never" instead of "Rarely" were included in the readings and "honest desire" replaced "desire" in the third tradition.
"The truth will set you free but first it's going to piss you off."
-- Edited by odaat at 15:19, 2005-04-13
"we came, we came to, we came to believe."
For me, I had to work the steps to find a relationship with a God. I couldn't grasp it any other way. I had to learn how NOT to drink before I could listen to someone talk about finding God.
I just don't think that telling someone who is coming in shaking and scared that they won't stay sober without finding God is doing them any good. Let's help them not drink and let the fog clear from their minds before we start telling them that hey guess what? God's been doing this for you, not us. For some it comes quickly, for others more slowly. And for me, the willingness is the most important thing.
Love,
cheri