We have not once sought to be one in the family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with anyone of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.
This message contained in step four was the first one i heard loud and clear; I hadn't seen myself in print before! Prior to my coming into AA, I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person around persons. From my very first meeting, I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of the reasons that I'm a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I'm learning this most importiant lesson.
ellen said
Apr 5, 2005
this is so true that with my fears and my selfish needs and wants i was unable to get out of myself. to deal with others was not possible when all the focus was on myself. me being the victim couldn't give comfort when all i could think about was when it was my turn for attention. didn't anyone know i was in pain and i and i and i....
never realised how self-centered i really was i really did think that i was a victim, until i, when i did my fourth step, saw my part. where i could have been the peacemaker i was the hostile one, where i could have identified with, i compared and in my book you never came close. just so many negatives because i was in so much pain and i wanted everyone to feel it too.
i was completely humbled by this discovery and i was able to see that i was also the inflicter of pain as well. when it was all said and done for me and got off my high horse i had nothing left to complain about. i just knew that what i always wanted from people were all the things that i never parted with. and if i just gave as good as i wanted that maybe i wouldn't continue to be miserable.
saw alot of things i didn't like. but i also saw that i had to change. that if my way got me here i would have to give up my old ways for new. i definately have to practice this new way of thinking and more and more become aware of self to deal with self. but over all i know that this way works a heck of alot better than mine. i now can play the tape on my old way of thinking and see that i would only cause problems, before i act. it just makes me realise how sick i am and that knowing this makes me responsible to not repeat the past.
it's alot of work pushing myself out of my own way, but it is surely better than cleaning up the messes i use to make. this program works if you LET it. lord knows i needed it. this is truely the best thing that ever happened to me.
you all have a blessed day and i hope you all are having as much fun as i am on the journey. love you all
amanda2u2 said
Apr 5, 2005
Thank you very much, ellen,,, for that quote... from the 12x12 book?
and thank you very much for the thoughtful and honest share on it. That is the kind of 'experience, strength and hope' that is encouraaging to both newbies and old-timers, and to me.
We have not once sought to be one in the family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with anyone of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.
This message contained in step four was the first one i heard loud and clear; I hadn't seen myself in print before! Prior to my coming into AA, I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person around persons. From my very first meeting, I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of the reasons that I'm a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I'm learning this most importiant lesson.
this is so true that with my fears and my selfish needs and wants i was unable to get out of myself. to deal with others was not possible when all the focus was on myself. me being the victim couldn't give comfort when all i could think about was when it was my turn for attention. didn't anyone know i was in pain and i and i and i....
never realised how self-centered i really was i really did think that i was a victim, until i, when i did my fourth step, saw my part. where i could have been the peacemaker i was the hostile one, where i could have identified with, i compared and in my book you never came close. just so many negatives because i was in so much pain and i wanted everyone to feel it too.
i was completely humbled by this discovery and i was able to see that i was also the inflicter of pain as well. when it was all said and done for me and got off my high horse i had nothing left to complain about. i just knew that what i always wanted from people were all the things that i never parted with. and if i just gave as good as i wanted that maybe i wouldn't continue to be miserable.
saw alot of things i didn't like. but i also saw that i had to change. that if my way got me here i would have to give up my old ways for new. i definately have to practice this new way of thinking and more and more become aware of self to deal with self. but over all i know that this way works a heck of alot better than mine. i now can play the tape on my old way of thinking and see that i would only cause problems, before i act. it just makes me realise how sick i am and that knowing this makes me responsible to not repeat the past.
it's alot of work pushing myself out of my own way, but it is surely better than cleaning up the messes i use to make. this program works if you LET it. lord knows i needed it. this is truely the best thing that ever happened to me.
you all have a blessed day and i hope you all are having as much fun as i am on the journey. love you all
Thank you very much, ellen,,, for that quote... from the 12x12 book?
and thank you very much for the thoughtful and honest share on it. That is the kind of 'experience, strength and hope' that is encouraaging to both newbies and old-timers, and to me.
love in recovery,
amanda