How important does a person have to  be before they are considered
>assassinated  instead of just murdered?
>
>If money  doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread
>is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
>
>Why do you have to "put your two  cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for
>your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
>
>Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>
>What disease did cured ham actually have?
>
>How is it that we put man on the  moon before we figured out it would be a
>good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
>Why is it that people say they  "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
>every two hours?
>
>If a deaf person has to go to court, is it  still called a hearing?
>
>If you drink  Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
>
>Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
>
>Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and  then put money in binoculars
>to look at  things on the ground?
>
>How come we  choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
>America?
>
>Why do doctors leave the room while you  change? They're going to see  you
>naked anyway.

>Do illiterate people get the  full effect of Alphabet soup?
>
>Who  was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll  squeeze
>these dangly things here,and drink whatever  comes out!"
>
>Why do toasters always  have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
>crisp, which no decent human  being would eat?
>
>Why is there a  light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
>When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they  tell you to
>smile?
>
>If you are stopped by the  police and asked for your license,  are  you
>going to be smiling?
>
> Jimmy cracks  corn and no one cares, why is there a  song about him?
>
>Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the  carpool lane?
>
>If the professor on  Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
>why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>
>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're  both
>dogs!
>
>What do you call male ballerinas?
>
>Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
>
>If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all  that ACME crap, why didn't he
>just buy dinner?
>
>If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
>what is baby oil made from?
>
>Is Disney World the only people trap  operated by a mouse?
>
>Do the Alphabet  song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
>
>Why did you just  try singing the two songs above?
>
>Did  you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
>  but when  you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
>

Phil

How does it feel to be an April fool?  HA HA HA

Hey Bud!!  Its the only day of the year  that I dont feel totally alone.

Go figure hu? hehehe

 

 

I was shot on the same balcony as Martin Luther King. Fortunately for me, it was not an assassination but a photograph. Still here to tell the tale if you get my drift.........

When I worked assembling pizza boxes it seemed that the straight edges were kind of useful cos you could bend them and fold them and lock them in place in one movement and a flick of the wrist. Round pizza boxes would have to be stamped out of oblong cardboard sections and the folding/tabbing would be more difficult requiring a spin action rather than a straight. And what would the pizza box factory do with all the off cuts?

Did I know there was an embargo on importing pig meat, fruit and nuts to the USA? When I mistakenly brought a Bacon Lettuce and Tomato sandwich into Chicago O'Hare airport I thought I was going to die. All the other passengers went through customs with a "Have a nice day". I had to walk down a "special" channel lined with grunts with big cocked weapons. I thought they would treat me as target practice. My luggage went down the conveyor from hell with every sniffer, Xray, Zray and detector known to men. I got to the far end and declared my chemical waste from "Lil ol' Englin'" which was duly recorded before it went for incineration. I picked up my luggage and was free to go. Fortunately they missed the fruit and nuts that I had smuggled in, and even more fortunately they missed the cannibis that was hidden within the fruit and nuts. Don't talk to me about "Cured" ham, I ain't got over the bacon yet.